SMNN News: Scottish Man Claims Drinking Own Semen for 5 Years Gave Him Superhuman Strength

Solaire — July 19th, 2025

SMNN REPORTS: In a tale equal parts X-Men origin story and questionable nutrition blog, a 43-year-old Scottish man has made global headlines after claiming that drinking his own semen daily for five years has gifted him superhuman strength, near-immunity to disease, and the ability to headbutt through drywall “on command.”

The man, identified only as Callum McBroth, told SMNN his "strength journey" began in 2020, during a global pandemic, a breakup, and what he called “a very introspective wank.”

“I looked down into the paper towel,” McBroth said, sipping from a protein shaker ominously labeled "Homebrew," “and thought, what if I’m wasting the best part of me?”

The Routine: “Fresh is Best”

According to McBroth, the regimen involved consuming one “dose” per day, usually first thing in the morning, blended with kale, raw oats, and occasionally, Monster Energy.

“I tried freezing it at first,” he admits, “but it lost the zing. Like microwaved fish fingers. Fresh is best.”

Over time, he claims to have developed:

• A 550-pound deadlift

• The ability to "punch through a cow rib"

• Hair that "re-grew purely out of spite"

• A Scottish accent so thick it interferes with sonar

Skepticism from Scientists, But Not Denial

When contacted for comment, Dr. Fiona Wallace of the Edinburgh Centre for Biological Ethics said:

“This man is either a nutritional pioneer or a symptom of unchecked loneliness. Possibly both.”

While scientists universally agree that semen contains only trace nutrients, Dr. Wallace did acknowledge it includes “small amounts of protein, zinc, and unchecked male ego — which may act as a placebo in large enough quantities.”

The Incident at the Pub

McBroth’s powers first drew national attention after an altercation at The Prancing Haggis, where he reportedly lifted a full vending machine over his head after being served a lukewarm Guinness.

“I don’t remember much,” he told SMNN. “Just that the beer was off, someone said protein was a myth, and the next thing I knew, I was suplexing a fruit machine while screaming ‘RESPECT THE NUT.’”

Reactions from the Public

Locals in Inverness are divided.

“I think it’s inspirational,” said one admirer. “He’s like Scotland’s Captain America, but stickier.”

Others are less convinced. “I think he just needed a hug,” said a bartender who asked not to be named. “Instead he chose self-infused smoothies.”

McBroth has since launched an Instagram coaching service called “The Inner Load”, offering clients “mindset, masculinity, and milky macros” for $59.99/month.

Plans for the Future

Asked whether he plans to continue the regimen, McBroth answered:

“I’ll stop when the gains stop. Or when my kidneys give out. Whichever comes first.”

He also hinted at a memoir, tentatively titled “Five Years of Self-Love: A Protein Odyssey”, and is currently in talks with Netflix for a possible docu-series titled “The Load Whisperer.”

Conclusion: Man, Myth, Mayo

Whether Callum McBroth is a miracle of human adaptation or simply a lonely man with a powerful placebo effect and too much free time, one thing is clear:

He believed in himself — literally — and now he can bench a small horse.

SMNN will continue to monitor McBroth’s journey as science, society, and possibly the UN respond.