SMNN News: Quebec Man Builds Entire House Out of His Own Semen — Claims It’s “Eco-Friendly and Emotionally Dense”

Solaire — July 21st, 2025

SMNN REPORTS: In what is being described by both architects and psychologists as “unprecedented and deeply concerning,” a 51-year-old man in rural Quebec has successfully constructed a full-sized, livable home entirely out of his own semen.

Yes, his own.
Every drop. Every wall. Every horrific square foot.

Local officials have dubbed it “La Maison du Malade,” or simply, “The Nut House.”

A Dream, a Freezer, and a Vision

The man, identified only as Michel B., claims the structure is the culmination of 12 years of collection, preservation, and... application.

“It started as a joke,” Michel told SMNN in a disturbingly warm interview. “My ex-wife said I was full of it. I wanted to prove her right — structurally.”

Armed with industrial-grade freezers, a surplus of mason jars, and what neighbors referred to as “too much time and absolutely no shame,” Michel began depositing daily contributions into what would become the foundation of his now-infamous ejaculodge.

The Build: Sticky, Sturdy, Sustainable

Michel claims the house’s walls are constructed from a semen-concrete hybrid — a mixture of cryogenically preserved ejaculate, sawdust, and a proprietary binding agent he calls “emotion glue.”

“It’s carbon-neutral, emotionally rich, and incredibly waterproof,” he said while tapping on a wall that made a faintly squelchy sound.

The home features:

• A two-bedroom floor plan
  
  

• A spiral staircase referred to as the “Spinal Load”
  
  

• A handcrafted fireplace made from “the concentrated shame of 2016”
  
  

To Michel’s credit, the house passed a local wind-resistance test, survived a mild earthquake, and remains standing despite repeated attempts by horrified raccoons to take it down.

Public Reaction: Frozen Horror

Neighbors are understandably shaken.

“I thought it was just a weird art project,” said one local. “Then I realized there were no delivery trucks. No cement. No bricks. Just... Michel. Always alone. Always sweating.”

The mayor of Saguenay has issued an emergency ordinance banning “the use of human reproductive material as a primary building substance,” citing public health, spiritual discomfort, and “bad vibes.”

Scientific Confusion, Architectural Disgust

Scientists are baffled but intrigued.
“We didn’t know it was chemically possible,” said Dr. Claudette Roy of Université Laval. “We assumed he’d run out of bodily resources or die of dehydration by year three.”

A structural engineer from Montreal who visited the site described it as “technically impressive and emotionally scarring,” adding:

“You don’t expect to feel grief from drywall.”

Michel’s Future: A Lonely Visionary or National Biohazard?

Despite backlash, Michel has begun offering “nutcrete” consulting services online, selling DIY home kits under the brand name “SpaffCraft.” He’s also lobbying to have the house listed as a UNESCO Heritage Site for Extreme Solitude and Nontraditional Fluids.

“I built this with love,” Michel said. “Well… love and relentless, unchecked release.”

Conclusion: Dreams Are What You Make Them — And Sometimes, What You Produce

As city officials prepare a hazmat crew and the Catholic Church issues a formal statement of denial, SMNN will continue to monitor this oozing monument to obsession, perseverance, and dehydration.

Until then, one fact remains:

Home is where the heart is. But in Michel’s case, it’s also where the DNA is — roughly 740 liters of it.