Printers are people too

  • What is the most common way to murder a printer?

    • CYAN-ide poisoning
    • What is a Printer's least favorite insect?

    • The R-G-Bee
  • Where does a mad scientist order his wide format graphics?

    • Franken-signs
  • A guy walked into a sign shop and ordered a rigid sign that was the size of the whole sheet pf material. A few weeks later he brought the same sheet back and had them print something else on it. Without fail every few weeks he would bring that same sheet of material back and have them reprint it. Eventually the manager had to ask the guy why he kept having them re-print the same sheet.

    • He responded, "You know what they say, same sheet different day."
  • Why do Prepress make such great astronauts?

    • They have lots of experience working in color space
  • Why did the prepress designer get a job as a hostage negotiator?

    • They always want higher resolutions!
  • Why did Skeletor only print full color banners?

    • Only He-Man could print "By the power of Gray-scale!"
  • What do you call a dog who has one parent with CMYK color space and one parent with RGB color space?

    • A Gam-mut
  • What type of prints did the founding fathers usually order?

    • They ordered a few Amendment-Boards, but usually they just ordered Bill-boards.
  • What design software did 12th century monks use?

    • Adobe Illuminator
  • What design software do Cowboys use?

    • Corral Draw
  • Why can sales and pre-press never get along?

    • They are always getting into Tif's over artwork
  • What brand of print products do Buddhists and Hindus prefer?

    • 3-oM products
  • What is Gold-Finger's favorite materia to print on?

    • Die-Bond
  • Do you remember the movie with Jim Carey from the 90's where he had a green face and got all crazy? Oh yea it was called "The Mask". Well, not many people heard a bout it, but they made a movie about that same guy before he found the mask and worked in a sign shop.

    • It was called "Pre-mask"
  • What is the deference between a boat captain and the Pre-press department?

    • One wants you to have a PFD and the other prefers PDF's
  • Why did the mummy get a job in a sign shop?

    • He always wanted to be a vehicle wrapper
  • Why was the policeman fired from the pre-press department?

    • Whenever we got fonts that were still in text form he would always outlining the body copy, which was fine, but he only did it in chalk.
  • Why did the finishers get kicked out of the amusement park?

    • People got mad that they were through cutting all the lines.
  • Why did Noah (from the ark) get fired from his job at the print shop?

    • He kept flood coating everything.
  • Why did the pirate bring his boat to Indy Imaging to get some work done?

    • He heard we were a whole SAIL printer
  • Why did the farmer get hired on in pre-press?

    • He had a lot of experience checking crops!
  • Why is it a bad idea for a sensitive person to work in prepress?

    • Sales will throw a lot of shade, and expect you to Pantone match it!
  • Why did Little Bo Peep get fired from her job at the sign shop?

    • She kept taking the lam home with her
  • Why did the pilot quit his job to become a digital printer?

    • He had always wanted to use an Ink-Jet
  • Why couldn't the pilot find the picture of his plane?

    • It was stuck in preflight
  • How are prepress like Jailers?

    • They both work in corrections.
  • What do printers do before they lift weights?

    • They pre-press
  • Most people don't know this, but Blackbeard the pirate had a little brother. Instead of pirating his trade of choice was printing. Unfortunately The family name struck terror into the local villagers. After thinking long and hard about it he decided to change his name.

    • He changed it to K-beard
  • What is a pirate's favorite color space?

    • ARRR.G.B.
  • Why did Dracula want to get a job in prepress?

    • He heard there was a lot of bleeding going on there
  • Why did the print file stop working out?

    • Because it was already ripped
  • What is a prepress' favorite type of weather?

    • Creative Clouds
  • What animal usually works at a sign shop?

    • A Giraff-ic Designer

  • My printer was pretty excited after reading their horoscope earlier.

    • It said their print heads would finally align.
  • Some artwork was uploaded earlier. The client swore it was print ready but it was in RGB not CMYK. The client insisted that we not change the color space and file was ready to print. We explained that every digital printer only prints artwork in CMYK and that the RGB color space is good for websites or video, but it can only be accurately be represented on a monitor. After a moment the client says...

    • "I thought you did SCREEN printing?"
  • What is the most dangerous substrate in Florida?

    • Gator Board

Musical Printers

  • Who is inspection's least favorite rapper?

  • Too Short
  • Why did Bob Marley hate vector graphics?

      • Because he was a Raster Man!
  • Why did the printer have to stop composing for the orchestra?

    • He wrote pretty good music but some of his material had too many flutes
  • Did you hear about the four offset printers who started a side business as a barbershop quartet?

    • They called themselves the Half-Tones.

  • Once they got really good they went digital, so they changed their name.

    • They changed it to the Pan-Tones
  • What is the press operator's favorite Christmas song?
    • I'm Dreaming of a Flood White Christmas

  • What holiday song do the pressmen sing when they run out of magenta and yellow ink
    • I'll have a blue Christmas with out you ♫

  • What is Prepress' favorite Christmas Song?
    • Rudolph the spot color Reindeer


Little PMS 200c Corvette - Prints & the Reggiani

Y-M-C-K - The Village People's Printer

I saw the (yard) signs - Ace of Baselines

Come on Baby Light my Sign - The Door & Window Wrap Company

Printin' Aint Easy - Big Daddy Cyane

We're not the Ink Jet Set - George "Offset" Jones.

Food & Drunks

  • what is the difference between an English sign shop and an English brunch restaurant?

    • One serves Bangers and Mash, the other prints banners and mesh
  • What is a printers favorite spicy food?

    • The Cyan Pepper
  • Why did the alcoholic want a job the sign shop?

    • He heard they had a really high proof number
  • The other day our company finally made the decision to stop letting our printers drink at work. It was getting so bad that one time they drank so much that for the next four hours they only printed with cyan, magenta and yellow ink.

    • They must have blacked out
  • We got a new press at work, but no mater what files we upload it just keeps printing sandwiches.

    • It turns out it was a Panini press
  • Why couldn't the low quality image find its lunch?

    • Because the pixel ate it.
  • Why did the Epson only print with blue ink?

    • It was de-press-ed
  • Did you hear the one about the offset printer who finally switched to digital? The next day he went to the eye doctor.

    • For the first time, he wasn't seeing spots.
  • Last week one of our printers called the doctor because he thought the new UV ink was sick.

    • He heard that it it needed to be cured.
  • Why did the Vu-tek cross the road?

    • To print on the other side

Other people make Print Shop jokes too

From Re:Print