A Difficult Conversation

Welcome to our parent resource page on sexuality, love, and dating. We recognize that this is an extremely sensitive and difficult subject for us all to consider. Let's be honest, sometimes we wish we didn't have to cover this at all. The reality is however that our students are barraged by messages from the world about how to view sexuality. You don't need us to tell you how messed up the world of sexuality has become. So, we hope that you find this page helpful as you seek to have conversations with your child.

Beginning the Conversation

Shelley Kuipers introduces the conversation about sexual integrity. Culture is teaching our students about sexuality on social media like TikTok, Snapchat, and Instagram. So, the need to have a conversation with your student about sexual integrity has become so much more important.

Axis Parent Resources

Axis has lots of great parent resources on this topic. Click the image to go explore!

Defining Sexual Integrity

Sexual Integrity is not ignoring our sexuality, but rather bringing it all to God and submitting to him.

Image of God & LGBTQIA+

All of us are broken Image-Bearers of God. This video helps us see how we can practically love people who identify with LGBTQIA+.

Awkward

Shelley covers what sexual integrity is for our middle school group. Sexual Integrity is choosing to respond to sexual things we feel, think, and desire in a way that honors ourselves, others, and God.

Love, Singleness & Dating Panel

Our High School group hosted a panel in the Spring of 2021 on the topic of love, singleness and dating. The panelists include young adults and High School Growth Group Leaders.

Christian Sexuality

Christian Sexuality is a fantastic resource that covers nearly every question you and your student may have about sexuality. Topics include the authority of God in Scripture, Porn and Masturbation, Gender, LGBTQ+, and so much more.

Below you will find a promo and some of the free resources that come from Christian Sexuality! With each of the interviews below, you will find a summary which briefly explains what the interview covers, and then time codes so that you can skip to the portion of the video that you want.

Christian Sexuality Promo

This promotional video previews the content that is in the curriculum that church owns. If you and your student would want to go through this study, please contact Caleb Horjus or Shelley Kuipers.

The Relationship Between the
Authority of God and Sex

With Francis Chan

Summary:

Chan outlines the various reasons why God has authority over us in regards to our sexuality. Noting both the authority of Jesus and the Bible and what they have to say about sexuality.

Time Codes: (If you want to skip to a particular moment in the video)

0:00 - Introduction to submitting to God's authority
2:15 - Was the reality of God's Word and his authority something you took seriously as a teenager?
4:37 - For someone, like yourself, who didn't have a good or present earthly father, how do you reconcile that when you're told that God is an all-loving Father?
8:53 - Are we as Christians appeasing people's ideals and egos by avoiding the hard stuff of Scripture to try to get them to like God?
12:30 - How have you typically approached the hardest stuff in the Bible relating to sexuality, gender, marriage, divorce, and lust?
16:54 - Genesis 1:1 begins with the assumption and assertion that God is the creator. Can you unpack what this means to you?
24:21 - What's the most popular lie in culture today?
27:54 - Contrast the authority of God and His Word versus the myriad of voices we hear throughout our day
33:32 - How does Jesus talk about Marriage?
37:09 - What's your encouragement for youth today
40:33 - Who is Jesus to you?
43:13 - What's your encouragement to parents who are trying to raise godly kids?

Sex, LGBT, Gender, & Culture

With Jackie Hill Perry

Summary:

Jackie Hill Perry covers a vast amount of topics from God's authority, to biblical feminity, to LGBT from a biblical perspective.

Time Codes:

0:00-7:08 - Intro & Jackie's Story
7:08-10:00 - Some people think that God's rules or guidelines are stifling and prevent human flourishing. How would you respond to that?
10:00-11:18 - What led up to the moment before your conversion experience at 19?
11:18-13:15 - After you came to Christ did your life become easier?
13:15-15:22 - Did gender stereotypes play a role in your story?
15:22-16:53 - What is biblical feminity?
16:53-18:47 - What messages is our culture communicating about morality and sexuality?
18:47-19:56 - How do you distinguish the voice of the Holy Spirit from your own ideas?
19:56-22:32 - How does the church usually talk about marriage, especially to people who are LGBT?
22:32-24:24 - Take yourself back to high school (before you became a Christian), would you be convinced of anything you've said thus far?
24:24-26:22 - What is God calling people to be?
26:22-28:22 - Who or what should be our influence for how to live?
28:22-30:12 - Does God have the right to tell us how to live sexually?
30:12-31:38 - How has your view of God evolved as a result of having kids?
31:38-33:12 - Is sex or sexual attraction the goal of marriage?
33:12-36:46 - How would you suggest parents of an LGBT teen lead their child in both love and truth?
36:46-39:11 - How do you choose to overcome your feelings or doubts?
39:11-40:30 - When we hear the word "authority" it can be intense. So is God's "authority" loving?
40:30-43:00 - How does shame prevent people from starting a relationship with God or moving forward in their walk with him?
43:00-44:47 - What's your encouragement for youth today?
44:47-46:30 - What were the things in high school that influenced you the most?
46:30-48:03 - What has been one of the most helpful things in motivating your walk with God?

Porn, Masturbation, and Addiction

With Stuart Boyd

Summary:

Stuart Boyd was addicted to porn and masturbation for several years. He answers many different questions about his experience and journey towards freedom.

Time Codes:

0:00-1:08 - Was the moment of honesty with your parents a one-time thing or did you have to continue practicing honesty?
1:08-3:34 - For kids who might come from "good, Christian households", how would you encourage them to better understand their parent's flaws or shortcomings?
3:34-5:50 - What is the difference between guilt and shame for you?
5:50-7:32 - Can you explain how you've experienced life since you've been porn-free?
7:32-8:52 - Research shows that our brains can literally be re-wired through habits and addictions. Looking back, can you see how porn re-wired your brain?
8:52-11:55 - Do you think porn was destructive for you, beyond just being morally wrong?
11:55-14:04 - How did your addiction to porn affect your relationships, especially your dating relationships?
14:04-17:30 - Why did you choose to wait a year of being porn-free before going into a dating relationship? What good habits did you form during that time?
17:30-21:24 - You're a young adult leader now, what are some of the most common questions you get asked from teens and young adults?
21:24-23:51 - Is porn more than just going to an adult website?
23:51-25:37 - What are the sacrifices you make or things you say "no" to in order to maintain a porn-free life?
25:37-29:17 -Explain the association between porn and masturbation in your own past addiction.
29:17-31:18 - How you see sexual desire now compared to when you were addicted to pornography?
31:18-33:30 - Do you still pray to God about your sexual mistakes? What do you think he's saying back to you?
33:30-35:46 - Some people try to morally justify porn (i.e. "it's digital; not a physical encounter," "porn stars signed up to do it", "no one is getting hurt", etc). But is it actually hurting people, beyond ourselves?
35:46-38:05 - What are the practical steps you implement when you find yourself just about to give into porn?

Psychology and Theology of Sexual Brokenness

With Jay Stringer

Summary:

Jay Stringer is a therapist who answers questions that relate to a psychology and theology of sexual brokenness. Stringer uncovers what is really happening behind the curtain.

Time Codes:

0:00-1:44 - What's your view on generational sexual brokenness?
1:44-7:10 - What is the difference between lust management versus shame management?
7:10-13:45 - How do teens become aware of their own story and the brokenness within their life?
13:45-15:50 - Studies show 25-35% of US adults believe pornography is morally okay. Talk about the ethical and destructive nature of porn.
15:50-24:05 - What are some of the key drivers that lead to sexual brokenness?
24:05-29:04 - Some might say that pornography is a "better evil" than brothels, strip clubs, and human trafficking. How would you respond?
29:04-39:33 - What should a teen do if they are in a cycle of shame and/or unwanted sexual behavior?
39:33-46:57 - Should we introduce a sexual topic to our kids, or are we risking too much?
46:57-58:22 - How can we help victims of sexual abuse?
58:22-1:00:38 - If a youth worker hears a story of sexual abuse from a teen, what should they do?
1:00:38-1:06:56 - What would you say to a teen who has sent or received a sext?
1:06:56-1:11:42 - If you could go back to your teenage self, what might have got you to open up about your sexual brokenness?
1:11:42-1:17:35 - What is polyamory?

God, the Church, and Homosexuality

Summary:

Gregory Coles is a man who came out as gay shortly after high school. In this video, he outlines his experience with both the church and his struggle with the temptation.

Time Codes:

0:00-2:00 - What was high school like for you? Did you come out to anyone?
2:00-3:10 - When you were growing up, how did Christians talk about gay people and how did that affect you?
3:10-6:40 - You have an obvious love for Jesus. What was the moment with Christ that you understood his love for you and your life forever changed as a result?
6:40-8:57 - What gave you hope to continue calling yourself a "Christian" in spite of the judgment you may have experienced or heard in the church?
8:57-11:32 - Unpack God's standard of obedience and the journey of submitting to his authority.
11:32-13:55 - How would you define the word "gay"? Is same-sex attraction a sin? Why, or why not?
13:55-15:30 - Did you choose to be attracted to the same sex? How do you feel when people say that gay people chose their attractions?
15:30-17:12 - Does God make people gay? If so, why would God make someone gay and then tell them not to be who they are?
17:12-20:27 - How can love be wrong? Didn't God create love?
20:27-24:53 - Can you flourish and be happy as a single person?
24:53-28:54 - Can you believe in a historically Christian view of marriage and still love gay people?
28:54-30:46 - What would you say to a Christian teenager experiencing same-sex attraction and feeling lots of shame because of it?

Porn and Masturbation in a Culture of Beauty Comparison

With Jessie Minassian

Summary:

Jessie Minassian was introduced to porn and masturbation at the age of 7 and she outlines her struggle as a woman, in a culture of beauty comparison.

Time Codes:

0:00-4:00 - Jessie's story
4:00-5:04 - Did marriage fix your sexual brokenness?
5:04-6:49 - How do you, or will you, talk to your daughters about masturbation?
6:49-7:47 - Is porn just a guy issue?
7:47-10:25 - Talk about beauty comparison especially among women.
10:25-12:40 - You talk about how comparison plagued you enough to induce exercise bulimia. Given this, could you upack how beauty has become idolized in culture today?
12:40-16:09 - Explain the difference of beauty from a Biblical standard versus a worldly standard.
16:09-18:00 - How does God define a beautiful woman?
18:00-21:31 - In Exodus 38 some of the women offer up their mirrors to help in the building of God's temple. What are some of the implications of this story for us today?
21:31-24:12 - Talk about the impact social media has on teens? And, give us some suggestions for using social media in a healthy way.
24:12-26:36 - As a parent, what's our role in protecting our kids from the dangers that exist in culture?
26:36-27:53 - How did your mom and stepdad talk to you about sex?
27:53-29:32 - What are some ways we can begin the conversation about sex with our kids?
29:32-31:24 - There is a biological and cultural mismatch between our bodies readiness to reproduce and our maturity and readiness to raise kids. Can you explain this?
31:24-34:22 - Can we live a flourishing life in singleness?
34:22-36:22 - If you could go back as your 15-year-old self, do you think you could have changed the trajectory of your life knowing what you do now?
36:22-36:56 - For girls who are watching porn or have become addicted to it, what are some practical and helpful steps they can take to reduce the grip that porn might have on their life?

Sexual Addiction Versus A Bad Habit

Summary:

Alex Lerza covers the difference between sexual addiction and a bad habit as well as his personal experience with sexual brokenness.

Time Codes:

0:00-3:17 - Alex's Story
3:17-3:42 - How do you define porn?
3:42-6:39 - What does porn do to the teenage brain?
6:39-8:07 - "Rewiring the brain" can sound bad, but can we rewire our brain for good?
8:07-12:19 - Help us understand the difference between a habit and an addiction.
12:19-13:42 - Are boundaries enough to help us maintain sexual integrity?
13:42-15:57 - What can parents do to engage the topic of pornography with their kids?
15:57-18:17 - What is sexual addiction and how is it different than porn?
18:17-20:04 - From a clinical setting, what do you think about masturbation?
20:04-21:36 - In cases of sex addiction, do we know how often this behavior stems from an addiction to porn?
21:36-22:55 - In your practice how have you seen porn affect clients through the years?
22:55-26:08 - You had a radical encounter with God during college. Take us back to that moment. What happened?
26:08-27:16 - How did you deal with the shame you felt after years of sexual addiction?
27:16-28:12 - What would you say to a teen who confesses a porn habit?
28:12-29:15 - What is the message that culture is telling us about sex and sexuality and what is God's message on sex and sexuality?
29:15-30:59 - What about single people? What does the Bible say about singleness?
30:59-33:44 - What is the opposite of addiction?
33:44-35:49 - Can you give us an uplifting story that shows recovery and/or sexual integrity is possible?
35:49-37:49 - Your life verse is Malachi 4:6. Talk to us about how it relates to the topics of porn and sexual addiction.
37:49-39:27 - How can we have a right view of God as loving Father when some of us may not have a good earthly father?
39:27-39:59 - What would you have done differently, knowing what you do now, if you could go back to your teenage self? Is there something that could've changed your trajectory?
39:59-44:53 - If a parent is listening who has young kids, how would you recommend they start conversations about sex? For parents who have teenagers, maybe they've never discussed sexual topics, how would you advise they re-approach conversations about sex?

The Closer I am to Christ

The closer we are to Christ, the more firmly we will root our identity in him.

Do you need to be wanted to feel worthy?

The key to living a joyful life is an identity rooted in Christ. All else is going to fail you, but Christ is forever.

The Joys and Trials of Celibacy

The celibacy that God demands in our singleness is not easy. You should expect it to be hard, but its a path to greater joy.

Books

Single, Dating, Engaged, Married
by Ben Stuart

The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating

by Andy Stanley

Podcasts

Dating and Gospel Compatibility

with Matt and Lauren Chandler

Your Move

with Andy Stanley

Various Relationship Podcasts

Your Move

Java with Juli

Various Relationship Podcasts

Articles

A Parent's Guide to Pornography

A Parent's Guide to Masturbation

Talking to Kids about Masturbation

The Scared Parent’s Guide to Talking to Boys About Masturbation

Helping your child through their first broken heart
Parent Cue

My Child was caught viewing porn, What do I do?
Parent Cue

Flirting, Dating, & Relationships in the Cloud

Fuller

What to do when your child doesn't want to talk about dating with you
Fuller

How Christian Parents can Talk to Kids about Sex

A Personal Note from Caledonia CRC Youth Ministries

This is a very difficult topic to address. We hope that this has been a beneficial resource as you begin to address this topic with your student. If you have any questions regarding any of the content covered here, please reach out to us!

We are here for you.

Blessings

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A Difficult Conversation

Beginning the Conversation

Axis Parent Resources

Defining Sexual Integrity

Image of God & LGBTQIA+

Awkward

Love, Singleness & Dating Panel

Christian Sexuality

Christian Sexuality Promo

The Relationship Between theAuthority of God and Sex

Sex, LGBT, Gender, & Culture

Porn, Masturbation, and Addiction

Psychology and Theology of Sexual Brokenness

God, the Church, and Homosexuality

Porn and Masturbation in a Culture of Beauty Comparison

Sexual Addiction Versus A Bad Habit

The Closer I am to Christ

Do you need to be wanted to feel worthy?

The Joys and Trials of Celibacy

Books

Podcasts

Articles

A Personal Note from Caledonia CRC Youth Ministries

The Relationship Between the
Authority of God and Sex