It's all about
Sex, not violence
Sex, not violence
Sex, not violence, oh-oh
It's all about
Sex, not violence
Sex, not violence
Tell me all the secrets you've been hiding
A new paper proposes that Homo sapiens may have been responsible for the extinction of Neanderthals not by violence, but through sex instead. googletag.cmd.push(function() googletag.display('div-gpt-ad-1449240174198-2'); ); Making love, not war, might have been responsible for putting the Neanderthals on a path to extinction.
The Parents Ratings Advisory Study, which was commissioned by the Classification and Ratings Administration (CARA), found that more parents (80% of those surveyed) are concerned with their kids seeing graphic sex scenes than with graphic violence (64%). And while only 56% of them are worried about the depiction of realistic violence, a full 70% are distressed by full frontal shots of people au naturel.
When we consider LGBTQ+ folks and discussions around intimacy after violence, there is a large gap in recognition, outreach, and support. Below, is my personal take on returning to touch after an experience of violence. Please note that this is not a one-size-fits-all guide, and what works for some people may not work for others. These are merely my takeaways from working with and for survivors on the road to healing. This is for us...
Intimacy after sexual violence is never clear cut or the same for every survivor. Factors of gender identity, race, and sexual orientation cannot be ignored, especially when approaching each other with care and understanding. My hope is that this article can help start difficult but necessary conversations, and validate survivors whose experiences with sexual violence remain unheard.
But Myka's complaint that NPR, effectively, is prudish about sex but not violence provides an interesting twist. So, intern Stephannie Stokes in my office did a search of "warning" and "graphic" in stories aired over the last six months on Morning Edition, All Things Considered, Tell Me More, Talk of the Nation, Weekend Edition and Weekend All Things Considered.
The policy is good common sense. Show producers try to be sensitive to content that could be perceived as offensive or inappropriate for some listeners. We try to do this for stories containing overtly sexual content, excessive violence or content that by its nature is offensive. As a result we try to flag listeners by saying that the subsequent story may not be appropriate or may contain sexual references or excessive violence.
Before any group intervention on the topic of intimate partner violence, it is important to remind the participants that the topic may affect many people personally, either because they themselves have been a victim or because someone they love has been victimized (a friend, their mother, etc.). They should be encouraged to be sensitive in their reactions and comments. A good way to do this, in a constructive way, is to suggest that they ask themselves, Â If I were being abused, would it hurt me to hear this ? What if my mother was the victim ? Â.
The vignettes presented in this experience are very realistic. Since intimate partner violence is common, during the exercise one must assume that some participants will become aware of their own situation as a victim, a friend, an exposed child, etc. It is therefore possible that some participants will need support following the experience.
It is important to give access to resources by sharing the contact information for SOS violence conjugale (1 800 363- 9010 and www.sosviolenceconjugale.ca). We are available throughout Quebec 24/7, and offer services by phone, chat and text. A list of other Canadian and international resources is also available in the get help tab situated at the top right corner of this page.
When faced with a choice, the group votes by a show of hands about which answer to select. The beauty of this form of animation is that participants will be able to see that when faced with violence, no one is sure or really certain about having the Âright answer, and that opinions differ greatly amongst them.
It is important to talk about sexual violence including rape, sharing intimate photos or videos, pressuring the victim to have sex, forcing the person to certain sexual practices, etc.
Some forms of intimate partner violence are criminal, such as assault, threats, theft, kidnapping but many are not like psychological or emotional abuse. However, they hurt the victims just as much.
Explore the idea that non-physical violence can be just as hurtful and harmful to the victim as physical violence. Apart from the physical pain and injury associated with physical violence, non-physical violence has the same repercussions by instilling fear, confusion, guilt, outrage, anger, pain, suffering, feeling trapped, etc.
Help participants understand the difference between taking control and losing control. In intimate partner violence, it is not at all a loss of control because it is easy to see that violent partners will stop themselves before going too far, especially if there are witnesses present. Therefore, violence is a choice.
Bring out the idea that victims of violence may want to react with violent behaviours in direct response to the abuser's violence (ex : "You're so stupid to say that to me!") and that although those reactions remain violent behaviours, they do not have the same meaning or impact as those of the abuser. The reactive violence of the victim is about regaining legitimate power over the situation, rather than taking illegitimate power against the partner.
If participants suggest that the victim should just leave the abuser, it is important to remind them that the victim does not want to break off the relationship at this time. Issues related to a potential break-up can be explored by imagining how the partner might react if the victim was to break up at that point in time. Participants can be asked to imagine how the controlling partner's violence will continue and likely increase after the breakup.
More specifically, the SOS-INFOs are short capsules about various topics related to intimate partner violence. The following articles may be useful to help prepare for the animation of the It's not violent workshops:
MYTH: There is no reason for a victim not to report being raped to law enforcement
FACT: Rape is the least reported and convicted violence crime in the U.S. There are many reasons why victims may choose not to report to law enforcement or tell anyone about what happened to him/her. Some include:
MYTH: A rape survivor will be battered, bruised, and hysterical.
FACT: Many rape survivors are not visibly injured. The threat of violence alone is often sufficient cause for a woman to submit to the rapist, to protect herself from physical harm. People react to crisis in different ways. The reaction may range from composure to anxiety, depression, flashbacks, and suicidal feelings.
MYTH: Serial rapists are uncommon.
FACT: Most every perpetrator is a serial rapist, meaning that they choose to use coercion, violence, threats of force, etc., to assault people on a repeated basis.
Why is it that our society has decided that violence is acceptable in entertainment but sexuality is not? Violence is present in almost every facet of our media, from the evening news to the multiplex. Even Saturday morning cartoons feature fight scenes between the good guy and the villain. In a world full of war and terrorism, why are we allowing ourselves to be further desensitized?
It saddens me that I am growing up in a culture where the media turns violence into something run-of-the-mill while the most intimate and beautiful acts of love are turned into something shameful, hidden and dirty. Being comfortable with violence is unnatural and dangerous, while being comfortable with sexuality and human relationships is not only beneficial, it is essential for the survival of the species. Sex begets life, but violence only begets death and destruction. Children learn from society and the media, but parents have the most influence.
Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, psychological, or technological actions or threats of actions or other patterns of coercive behavior that influence another person within an intimate partner relationship. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone. Examples of abusive behavior include:
Sexual Abuse: Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact or behavior without consent. Sexual abuse includes, but is certainly not limited to, marital rape, attacks on sexual parts of the body, forcing sex after physical violence has occurred, or treating one in a sexually demeaning manner.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion, sex, or gender identity. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. Domestic violence occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships and can happen to intimate partners who are married, living together, dating, or share a child.
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