Let's say I came back from various unfortunate events that have happened these past two months đź« đź«
----
Even though Kang wore a thin silk robe that revealed his skin, the emperor's golden eyes penetrated through it like sunlight. Unable to bring himself to look at the emperor, Kang fumbled to grab anything, perhaps a piece of clothing to cover himself, but his clumsy attempt, no better than that of a cat stealing, was easily caught by the emperor.
"It will all be taken off tonight anyway."
The emperor casually threw out the suggestive remark with a smile. Kang's face turned deathly pale, and his mouth opened and closed soundlessly, like someone who had lost his voice. Without saying anything, Kang grabbed onto the emperor's long sleeve in desperation.
Surrounded by the reserved priestesses, solemn court ladies, and eunuchs, Kang couldn’t assert his presence. Once, he had sat casually with the emperor, sharing meals and tea, but now things were vastly different. He couldn't stand how everyone called him "Your Highness." It felt as though he had forgotten how he once strode through the palace with dignity, addressed as "Your Majesty." Kang now hunched his shoulders and anxiously observed his surroundings, just like he had during his younger days as a prince—before catching the emperor’s attention.
It was only after the head eunuch, who always served the emperor, had left that Kang finally lifted his head, relieved. The emperor's eyes narrowed like fine threads, fixating intently on the redness around Kang's eyes.
So pale, except for the redness around his eyes… Did Kang's mother, Yeo Soo-ui, look like this as well? But the emperor couldn't quite remember.
"Please, don't say such things..."
Kang's weak voice barely made it to the end of his sentence. The emperor, resting his chin on his hand, watched him with a bored expression. Kang's lips parted like a clamshell but then shut tightly again. After swallowing back his words multiple times, he finally mustered the courage to speak.
"I will obey... Just please, do not mention my mother. Please... I beg you."
"Then don't think of her as your mother. Just think of her as Yeo Soo-ui."
"Abamama!"
Kang grabbed the emperor's sleeve tightly and called him. The emperor, unfazed, smiled leisurely and touched Kang's cheek. As his hand stroked his son's face several times, the warmth trapped in his palm transferred to Kang’s pale skin, bringing a hint of warmth to it. Kang held onto the emperor's wrist with a pleading grip, his palm covering the emperor's hand.
His once delicate hands had grown calloused from years of archery training as a prince, but they still retained traces of their former softness and fragility. Feeling his son's gentle touch, the emperor lowered his gaze and remained still.
"Just… my mother... Please, I beg you. I accept my duty, I will..."
Kang held his breath and opened his eyes. His dark eyes welled up with tears, unable to contain his sorrow.
"I will be... Your Majesty’s consort..."
Kang’s voice wavered, and he eventually bowed his head, unable to finish. Tears slipped through his black hair, and he wept silently in resignation. Even that sight, his sorrowful yet beautiful figure, was endearing to the emperor, who couldn’t tear his eyes away.
Yes, he’s my son. That’s why he’s this beautiful. How could I possibly give such a lovely, cherished son to someone else? Just the thought burned within him, making his mouth dry. The emperor himself had raised Kang in Cheonggeum Palace, feeding him, putting him to sleep, bathing him, and cherishing him dearly. Even now, just thinking about how much he adored Kang made the heat gather in his lower abdomen. Though the wedding had not yet taken place, he already wanted to lay Kang down and indulge in him to his heart's content.
Unaware of the emperor’s thoughts, Kang raised his tear-streaked face and looked at him. The emperor’s chest ached at the sight, and without realizing it, he placed a hand over his heart.
"So... please, don't let my mother attend the wedding. I will do everything well."
"The moment you accepted your divine duty as my consort, Yeo Soo-ui ceased to be your mother. She is merely a concubine ranked lower than you. And… she is simply the woman who gave birth to you, my consort. There's no need to think too much about it."
Kang shook his head desperately, as if clinging to the edge of a cliff. It might have been easy for the emperor, but not for him. And certainly not for his mother. Seeing her own husband embrace her child—how could that not be pure torment? She was already fragile, unable to stand up to the bullying of the other consorts, suffering in silence. Only Kang receiving the emperor’s favor had protected her from further torment, allowing her face to brighten. Without it, she would have withered away and died in despair.
Thinking of her made his eyes sting. He feared that if he refused the emperor, his mother would bear the consequences. The emperor loved him with terrifying intensity, to the point that no one else existed in his eyes. Having grown up under such watchful love, Kang could only shrink further inside himself. The more affection he received, the more fearful he became, knowing that the emperor’s love came with ruthless indifference to others.
What was difficult for Kang was effortless for the emperor. Kang believed that if he complied, the emperor would resolve everything easily.
"What is simple for you, Abamama, is difficult for me. I cannot show such... such a sight before my mother," Kang pleaded.
"What do you mean by 'such a sight'? Pain? Don’t worry, it won’t hurt tonight," the emperor replied smoothly.
Though they were having the same conversation, it felt like they were constantly missing each other. The emperor knew exactly what Kang meant but slipped away from the truth like a slippery fish. Desperate, Kang reached out and grasped the emperor's hand tightly, rubbing it between his palms in a gesture that was almost affectionate. But the emperor merely smiled gently, saying nothing—despite knowing everything.
"You are different from the others," the emperor murmured.
"As a son, Your Majesty?"
"Well, in many ways."
The emperor smiled kindly and pulled Kang into an embrace. It was the same warm, familiar embrace from the past—the comforting arms of a father. Kang squirmed slightly in his arms, and the emperor let him go without resistance.
"I will hold you gently, so there’s nothing to fear."
Kang lowered his gaze and let out a heavy breath. His chest ached, as if a knot had formed inside. It pricked sharply, a heat welling up within. Was this the torment others spoke of? Having grown up as the emperor’s cherished favorite, knowing nothing but comfort, this pain felt unfamiliar and foreign. Unable to endure the throbbing ache, Kang grasped the emperor's hand again in a gesture ingrained from childhood.
No matter how the emperor treated him now, as if he were a concubine, Kang’s body still responded instinctively, acting as if he were still a child.
"Even if I plead like this… is it still impossible?" Kang asked in a trembling voice.
The emperor gazed at him silently. Kang's eyes, filled with unshed tears, silently begged him—please.
But seeing him beg like that only made the emperor want to refuse him more.
Because he wanted to see him cry even more.
The reason was absurdly simple.
The emperor smiled mischievously and opened his mouth.
"No, it is impossible," he said firmly.
The words struck Kang like a dagger, sinking deep into his heart. The humiliation and despair crashed over him like waves, leaving him unable to lift his head.
The thought of being embraced by the emperor in front of his mother and thanking him for his divine favor was too humiliating to bear.
"Please, just... don't let my mother attend the wedding. Abamama, I beg you..."
Pale as a ghost, Kang pleaded one last time.
But time was slipping away, and the emperor had to prepare for the wedding. Gently but firmly, he removed Kang's hands from him and rose to his feet.
Kang, dressed in his thin silk robe, sat in a daze as he watched the emperor leave. Through the disheveled fabric, his long, pale body was faintly visible.
"That is a matter of heaven," the emperor said, looking at Kang directly.
"The child of the Son of Heaven, or anyone who has received the emperor’s sacred essence even once, must witness the sacred wedding ceremony. Your mother is no exception. No one can escape it. You must remember—the Son of Heaven is the mandate of Heaven[1]."
Â
[1] Basically means what he says, and act is the same as the heaven/divine will/decree.