Does your child know through her own experience that she's lovable, exactly as she is? That she isn't expected to be perfect, that she is already more than enough? That her anger, disappointment, frustration and sadness are just part of being human, and that she can count on you to help her learn to manage those feelings so she doesn't have to act on them? That she doesn't have to be, or do, anything in particular to earn our love?

When children act out, they're telling us -- in the only way they can at that moment -- that they need our help. When we see things from our child's point of view, misbehavior is suddenly comprehensible, forgivable. The blocks to love melt away, and our love becomes unconditional.



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All punishment withdraws love from the child. If we hurt the child physically, obviously the child does not feel loved at that moment, no matter what we tell him. Even timeouts and parent-imposed consequences are seen by the child for what they are: intentionally causing emotional pain to force the child to comply. Any time a human feels that another human is intentionally causing them pain, they don't feel loved.

A great deal of research shows that children who are disciplined with love withdrawal techniques, including timeout, misbehave more. The lesson is not lost on the child. We could, at any time, stop loving them altogether. There is no reason to punish, and every reason not to. (See footnote)

What if your child has crossed the line? Be brave. Don't give in to your fear. Don't give up on her. Go get her and bring her back into the embrace of your family. She's disconnected right now, but when you love her unconditionally, you strengthen her belief in her own goodness, and help her grow into your trust.

Heavy lifting? Yes. It does takes daily practice to build this kind of heart muscle. But there's nothing as rewarding. These five habits will bring you and your child closer, her behavior will improve dramatically, and for the rest of her life, she will know that she's more than enough, exactly as she is. That's being well and truly loved. Unconditionally.

1. Alfie Kohn, in his book Unconditional Parenting, cites numerous studies on the negative effects of timeout and other love-withdrawal techniques on children's moral and psychological development, including the effect on morality and emotional intelligence. See also the article on Timeouts on this website.

We seek it, want it, need it, yet it eludes so many of us: genuine, heart-felt, unconditional love. Not infatuation, lust, or what you think makes you happy, but true intimacy at the level of your soul.

We hear about unconditional love, that we must love ourselves first before we can love another. It requires something so simple, yet difficult in practice: letting go of making ourselves, and others, wrong. 

Notice how it feels when others project their values onto you. The question is not whether someone is right or wrong, but whether the words and actions are coming from the spectrum of fear on one side or love on the other. The result will be either constructive or destructive.

Extreme fear breeds hatred leading to very destructive consequences that Hitler created in the world he lived in. Extreme love leads to compassion, and what Mother Teresa created in the world she lived in.

A shift can now happen away from your fear-based ego toward love and compassion, where you can seek to understand, share, teach, and model. Trying to be patient is next to impossible in the place of fear, but shift to love and you will find all the patience you need.

Carolyn Hidalgo, CPCC, ACC is a Self-Relationship Coach, and Author of the upcoming book Live the Love You Deserve: Imagine a Judgment-Free World. She would LOVE your comments to help make the biggest positive impact for readers. Visit carolynhidalgo.com for a FREE copy of her Relationship Report to minimize conflicts, achieve forgiveness, and deepen love.

In the vibrant summer of 1999, a neighborhood had its share of laughter and joy. Among the crowd of playful children was a 16-year-old boy, Adam, who had a bright secret. A secret that manifested in the innocent heart of this boy was his undying love for Ann, a 12-year-old girl.

The truth percolated slowly into Adam's heart. The realization of his unrequited love was painful, but he knew he had to accept it. He thanked Ann for her honesty and wished her a lifetime of happiness.

Time passed, and Adam found a way to deal with his feelings. His love for Ann didn't disappear overnight, but he learned to live with the reality. He loved from a distance, respecting Ann's feelings and her life.

Adam learnt a lot from this journey. His love for Ann transformed him into a better person. His feelings remained pure and constant, reflecting the true essence of love that is selfless and boundless.

As Adam and Ann wordlessly navigated the labyrinth of their feelings, they realized that love didn't necessarily mean being together. At times, it meant cherishing the moments spent with each other and letting go when necessary.

The years passed, and their lives took separate paths, yet the strong bond of friendship remained. Adam accepted that his love was never going to be reciprocated, but he learned to find happiness in Ann's contentment.

The story of Adam's unrequited love for Ann was indeed painful, but it was a testament to the purity of his feelings. He loved her unconditionally, expecting nothing in return. His heart held a special place for her, forever and always.

Life moved on like a flowing river, and Adam learned to move with it. His love for Ann remained a secret, a tale only known to his heart. It was his most cherished secret, kept alive in the caverns of his heart.

Adam may not have ended up with Ann, but his story of unrequited love was a testament to his true feelings. His love story was not about winning or losing; it was about feeling, enduring, and cherishing the essence of love.

Life showed Adam the true colors of love, which is always selfless and kind. His love for Ann was the tale of unspoken words, of longing, and of deep affection that remained constant despite the hardships.

Despite everything, Adam lived his life to the fullest, carrying his secret love in his heart. His journey taught him the art of loving silently and selflessly. Even though his love for Ann remained unrequited, it shaped him into a better person.

In the end, it was a tale of enduring love from a boy who grew into a man while holding onto the feelings for a girl who once played hopscotch with him. His heart knew the story; it was his secret - a secret love that time could not erase.

Adam's story of enduring unrequited love is a testament to the purity of emotions. His tale of love is a testament to all those who have loved silently and have found contentment in simply loving. His secret love was his cherished treasure, a tale that lived on in his heart forever.

Many years later, people may forget about Adam's unspoken love, but his heart still carries it. The tale of his love for Ann survives in him. The chapters of his life may close, but the tale of his love will never end.

As Adam's tale reaches its quiet end, the essence of his enduring love for Ann remains as a beautiful echo in the silent corners of his heart. His journey of love is a testament to the strength of his emotions and the purity of his heart.

Adam's life is an echo of his silent, undying love for Ann. This tale of unreciprocated love, once a secret, now reverberates through the corridors of his heart. A tale that forever remains etched in the annals of his memory, silently whispering the tale of his secret love.

In the grand canvas of life, Adam and Ann painted a picture of love that was unique in its own way. Their story was not about how love should be; it was about how love was for them - pure, unspoken, and enduring.

Adam's secret love for Ann was a legend in his own life. It was a tale of longing, of unsaid words, and of emotions that stayed within his heart. It was his most treasured memory, a secret that he carried to his grave.

Adam's tale of unrequited love will always serve as a beacon of the purest form of love. His love for Ann, that went unrecognized, yet remained unfaltering, forms the crux of this poignant tale of love and loss.

And thus, the story of Adam's secret love for Ann remained immortal in his heart. Unexpressed and unacknowledged, it was the kind of love that reminded us of the most important virtue of love - its selflessness.

Even in the face of unreciprocated love, Adam's feelings for Ann remained constant. It was his secret, his treasure, and his life's sweetest pain. A story of love that was more about feeling, enduring, and cherishing than about winning or losing. A tale of his secret, unspoken love.

When you think of unconditional love, the first thing you think of is the love a parent has for a child. But most of us strive to have those same feelings toward our friends, family and especially our lovers. You want to be a person who helps them achieve their dreams and be there to celebrate with them when they do. And if they don't and their hearts break, you offer to pick up the broken pieces. You do it all because you know they would do the same for you.

"Secret Love Song" is a pop-inspired ballad, with lyrics that is about unrequited and forbidden love, and has been interpreted in different ways, with Derulo's verse being about his personal experience of having a real-life affair. The song has come to be regarded as a gay anthem, and has been cited as helping people to deal with their own sexuality and feelings. The group have since dedicated "Secret Love Song" to the LGBTQ+ community, with a pride flag being displayed in the background after each performance.

Lyrically, "Secret Love Song" details unrequited and forbidden love.[12] Edwards said the lyrics are about "being with someone and you want to scream it from the rooftops but you have to hold it in".[13] According to Derulo, his verse serves as a "twist" in the song, discussing his personal experience of having an affair: "I told a true story about this girl that I am really into but she has a boyfriend but we still do our thing."[4] Some commentators have interpreted the song as representing the struggles of LGBT couples who cannot display affection in public and has been referred to as an unintentional gay anthem by fans of the group. This sentiment was shared by Jade Thirlwall who reacted positively to gay fans of the group interpreting that message in the song.[14][15] The song has also been cited as helping people to deal with their own sexuality and feelings.[16] e24fc04721

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