Male Validation

CONTENT WARNING: Contains mentions of parental absence, drug addiction, domestic violence, and sexual exploitation of women.

The writers at SciSapience want all the readers to be comfortable while reading our articles so we must warn readers of possible distressing topics. If you or someone you know needs support, please consider reaching out to a trusted individual or a professional resource. (We are also aware that this is an issue pertaining to heterosexual women so please keep that in mind!)

In this article, you’ll get to see all that I’ve found about the neurological effects of validation and a deep-dive-analysis of Cassie (From Euphoria) and her struggles with male validation.

How Did Lisa Find This Topic?

One night, while scrolling through TikTok, I came across a video that immediately caught my attention. In the video, a woman talked about her upbringing without male validation and how it “altered her brain chemistry.” Intrigued and curious, I felt compelled to dive deeper into this topic.

I fell into a complete rabbit hole, spending hours searching upon this topic of male validation. “Growing up without and with male validation,” “women and male validation,” and “male validation?” were only a few of the hundreds of searches I made that night. My phone soon filled with hundreds of women expressing their struggles and experiences with seeking male validation.

As I delved deeper, it became clear that this issue was much more complex than I originally thought; finding that the pursuit of male validation is shrouded in contradictions, hidden factors, and nuances that only reveal themselves through firsthand experience. I also discovered through my extensive research that seeking validation is completely normal, but many factors can lead to an over-dependence on it. This can cause women to go down dark paths of an over-reliance on male validation for self-worth, compromise of one's own needs, loss of their autonomy, and becoming more vulnerable to exploitation… (trust me, this list goes on).

As someone who has struggled with this constant need for male validation, I thought it was only necessary that I write something that other girls can read to accept their natural want for validation but also not to let it consume their lives.

What Is Male Validation?

Male validation, in short, refers to the approval or positive affirmation from men, including compliments, praise, and affection.

Teenagers tend to crave validation from different parts of their lives, such as social media or parents, and they actively seek it out by doing chores, posting pictures, etc. (Kasture). However, male validation is unique as it has become a huge problem in adolescent girls; making this validation a top priority as they overlook every other aspect of their lives. This is evident in the phenomenon of “Male Validation Subliminals” on social media accumulating millions of views, indicating a troubling trend on the rise.

As individuals grow up, male validation can manifest in various forms, such as boys liking them, dating boys, or receiving compliments from boys. And many girls seek this out because it is hard-wired in their brains.

Validation is a pleasing emotion that causes the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter/hormone. It activates the brain’s neural reward system and it gives the person a satisfying, motivational feeling (Schultz). This chemical reaction in the brain subconsciously reinforces the person to act upon behaviors that will lead to a dopamine release.

Oxytocin, often called the “love hormone,” also contributes to the natural pursuit of validation that many teenagers engage in. Oxytocin promotes positive feelings and it has been associated with feelings of relaxation, trust, and mental stability. The interesting fact about Oxytocin is that it triggers actions to further stimulate its release (Carter). For example, if you receive a compliment from someone, it’ll release oxytocin into the brain, creating feelings of happiness and trust, these positive feelings that are generated from that social interaction will then encourage you to seek out more compliments and act upon behaviors that will lead to this oxytocin release. It creates a cycle.

One of the most contributing factors to teens' pursuits, that isn’t biological, is the stress they face. Being a teenager is a very stressful time, whether it’s because of grades or a foreboding feeling about the future. This chronic stress can warrant some effects on the brain (“allostatic load”), it can cause anything from hypertension to a more irritable mood (McEwen). And when it starts to affect the prefrontal cortex, it leads to impulsive behaviors and prioritizing immediate rewards like validation (Miller).

Now, Let’s Start Diving Deep!

I've now established the basics of male validation, its definition, and the neurological causes, but now I want to get into the “nitty-gritty.” I use various research methods; reading scientific journals, and articles, or even listening to podcasts. However, there is one method that stands out to me as particularly convenient to explore these nuances and complexities in this topic, and that’s case studies. Using a person or character to understand these rich topics is truly the easiest way to do it, you step into their shoes and analyze every last bit of them.

After some deliberation with peers and some searching on the internet, I found a character whom I deemed perfect for what I wanted to analyze in the theme of male validation: Cassie from the HBO Max show, Euphoria.

Euphoria

If you’re a high school student, I'm sure you’d be familiar with the show Euphoria; you’ve probably seen the clips from social media, heard the audios, or even just watched the show yourself. Euphoria is a show that follows a group of high school students as they navigate love and relationships in a world of drugs, sex, social media, and trauma.

It portrays many taboo themes that are frequently swept under the rug in the media. The show opens up important conversations on these difficult topics; such as parental absence, domestic violence, and drug addiction. Every character in this show can be used to study these topics; Rue, Maddy, Jules, Nate. Cassie is no different as she can be used to open up this conversation and analysis into the pursuit and self-destructive nature of male validation.

“At Least I’m Loved”

HBO

Cassandra Howard, usually referred to as “Cassie” or “Cass,” is one of the most desperate people in this whole show. She’s a people pleaser, desperately deferential to any guy who will give her the time of day. Her necessity for love seemingly stems from her father’s abandonment.

Cassie’s father, Gus, was a devoted father in her early adolescent years. He would also show Cassie his love for her despite the marital and financial issues he and her mother were facing. However, Gus’s devotion to his family would fizzle out as his alcoholism and instability took over.

His ever-evident addiction to liquor led Cassie’s mom to divorce him. Gus would visit his daughter but that, like his devotion, would slowly come to an end. The next time Cassie would see her father was when he got into a car accident, she would stay with him and give him support but he became addicted to the painkillers he was prescribed and left her once again, betraying her trust.

The last time Cassie would see her father was before her 15th birthday when he texted Cassie to let him into her house through the garage. She was confused but excited, maybe he wanted to be a part of her life again. But when she opened up her garage door, her father had become drastically different.

He had visible drug injection wounds on his antecubital fossa (inner elbow) and had an uneasy demeanor, Cassie felt uneasy looking at him. She asked him if she could text and call him on the number he contacted her with but he rebuffed her and gave her an excuse. Her father walked past her and stole the fine china in her house, so he could presumably sell it. Cassie was anguished, all this time she wanted her father back in her life but he simply abandoned her for his addiction and poverty. Now in the present, Cassie is an 18-year-old girl who is terrified of people, especially men, abandoning her.

Research on how adulthood attachment styles revealed that early relationships profoundly shape them. In the case of an absent father, people are very likely to develop an insecure attachment style, they have a more anxious and avoidant attachment (Mikulincer). Characterized by challenges in trust, intimacy, and emotional regulation, it causes individuals like Cassie to seek validation and security in their relationships to compensate for the lack of a parental figure. This often manifests in forming strong bonds with male partners who provide them with the emotional stability that was absent during their upbringing (Mikulincer).

Cassie is so desperate for a feeling of security that she is easily blindsided by love or even the tiniest bit of affection from men. This caused her to get into abusive relationships with boys who leaked sexual videos of her, leading to harassment and bullying from others. Men saw her as a sexual object rather than a human, constantly coercing her into sex, drugs, and exploitation. Cassie always gave in to what they wanted from her and she internalized the notion that men only wanted her for her body.

According to The "What" and "Why" of Goal Pursuits: Human Needs and the Self-Determination of Behavior, a person who has prevented themselves from having autonomy and relatedness (similarity) will usually have poorer motivation, performance, and well-being. Cassie internalized that her body was the only thing that kept men from staying, so she changed everything besides that. She started to dress up and change her personality into various girls who got male attention. Cassie is shutting herself out and becoming a person she isn't for men. It also doesn’t help that she is outcasted by society as a sexual deviant, lacking the relatedness that so many of us naturally crave. (And relating this to What is Male Validation? section), poorer well-being may affect the prefrontal cortex, further contributing to her want for immediate rewards like validation.

Unfortunately, Cassie started to see the problem with people viewing her as an object, eventually accepting the sensitive videos that were floating around. To her, any kind of attention became validating.

How it Can Be Harmful

Cassie is a people pleaser, desperately deferential to any guy who will give her attention. Her overbearing craving for love and attention ultimately changes her into a sociopath who only wants others to suffer.

I’m sure anyone reading this can see how Cassie embodies the harmful effects of male validation. She often allows herself to be sexually exploited and abused because, for her, any kind of attention from men provides a rush of a neural reward. But the damage doesn’t stop there—desperate Cassie even betrays her best friend, Maddy.

Despite knowing that Maddy’s ex-boyfriend, Nate, was abusive. Cassie decides to start hooking up with him. Why? Well, because she had recently broken up from a serious relationship, her fear of loneliness pushed her to use Nate as a coping mechanism. She fell into a one-sided relationship and fell out of the only relationship that seemed to be benefiting her. Cassie lost herself, letting Nate manipulate and control her.

Cassie perfectly exemplifies how the pursuit of male validation can lead to the neglect of oneself. Cassie wasn’t able to deal with her past traumas or current over-dependencies and she became a sadistic bully, someone who uses violence and manipulation to get what she wants, turning much like Nate. Her deep-rooted misery from her father’s abandonment, the insecurity from being hyper-sexualized by every man in her life, and the psychological damage from sexual exploitation all fuel her hatred of the world she lost herself in.

Teens' Thoughts On Male Validation

I did my research, not just online but in real life! My classmates, friends, acquaintances were all bombarded by me as I've been asking about their thoughts on male validation for over two weeks, (I'm sure they're not that annoyed).

Moving on... my friends and peers had many things to say. I tried asking a variety of people; different interests, experiences in life, etc. So I hope if you're a teen, then you can relate or understand someone else's thoughts.

Any thoughts on Male Validation? Why It's Desired? Why It Can Be Harmful?

“Ok Lisaaaa, take this with a grain of salt as I have never received this “male validation” in any sort of romantic sense. (And I don’t know psychology!!!) Anyways, I think a person having a lot of male validation growing up might try and change themselves to seek more validation because they grew up placing their self worth in validation from men. So, if they don’t get male validation then they could feel worthless. Conversely, I think a person who doesn’t receive much or any [male validation] could feel worthless if they see others getting more male validation than them. Or they could find self worth in other things. I also think that they could be more susceptible to love bombing [over-the-top display of affection] or being unable to sense when a relationship is unhealthy since they're desperate for this new feeling of validation. (BUT AGAIN, take this with a grain of salt because I pulled this out of my brain w/ no evidence)” - Anonymous friend 1

"I think that it [teenager’s craving for male validation] could also be because we’re still living in a patriarchal society where the men are often on top. (Similar to how someone would want to get praise/validation from their boss/person above them, which are usually men). It’s literally been put in women’s minds to want the validation of their male partners because they’ve been conditioned to seek this sort of validation everywhere else in their lives. (But this is just my theory!)"- Anonymous friend 2

"Of course this is a very heterosexual topic but I think for the most part, their is a desire in all of us to be loved, cherised, etc. Most women are heterosexual so they want that male validation, romantic connection and acceptance. I think that it can lead to people over-depending on it for their happiness, they make it their only priority." - Anonymous friend 3

Conclusion

It’s completely natural and normal to seek male validation; after all, we all desire acceptance and affirmation. However, it’s important not to let this need become so overwhelming that it leads you to lose sight of who you are. Use Cassie’s case study as an example of what could happen if you go down the wrong path (granted, it won’t be as dramatic as Cassie’s story but still). Don’t allow yourself to get to a point where you start to compromise your values, needs, or self-worth as true validation comes from within. It’s important to cultivate a strong sense of self that isn’t dependent on men, validation, or anyone else. By maintaining this balance, we can all embrace the natural desire for validation without letting it dictate our lives.

Writer: Lisa

Resources (Bibliography)

Alessia Sutherberry. “How to Stop Seeking Male Validation (Cassie, Euphoria).” YouTube, 4 Sept. 2022, www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3BRxSxiCNc&ab_channel=AlessiaSutherberry. Accessed 22 June 2024.
Carter, C. Sue. “Oxytocin Pathways and the Evolution of Human Behavior.” Annual Review of Psychology, vol. 65, no. 1, 3 Jan. 2014, pp. 17–39, https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-010213-115110.
“Cassie Howard.” Euphoria Wiki, euphoria.fandom.com/wiki/Cassie_Howard.
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