Finding Peace and Autonomy in My Healing Journey

As I sit here and reflect on where I am in my healing journey, one word just keeps echoing in my mind: peace. For the first time in my life, I feel this deep, almost startling sense of contentment. It’s like I’ve finally found a solid ground to stand on, and from this place, I’m able to make decisions that feel truly mine. I’m no longer driven by that deep, unconscious fear of what others might think and how I might be perceived. I’ve come a long way to get here, and while I know there’s still a lot more to uncover and heal, I’m finally making decisions from a place of wholeness. It’s something I never thought I’d experience—being able to choose for myself without the constant pull of others’ expectations.

For so much of my life, I truly believed I was independent. I wore it like a badge of honor, this idea that I was forging my own path. But the truth is, I was deeply conditioned to follow a path that had been laid out by others. It's funny to think that a few years ago I couldn't use the word autonomy in a sentence. I was constantly striving to be the “best version” of myself, but that "version" wasn’t really mine. It was a version shaped by what others wanted from me, what they expected, what they hoped I would be. And it wasn’t until recently that I realized there was a “me” underneath of all that, waiting to emerge, waiting to be seen and heard.

That discovery has been nothing short of transformative. It’s like I'm gradually waking up and I'm realizing I don’t have to live by someone else’s script anymore. I can make decisions based on what I value, what I desire, not on what someone else has decided is best for me. And while I’m grateful for my upbringing—it did shape my character and instill important values—I’m even more grateful for the awareness I’ve gained. This awareness that allows me to be genuinely curious, in a way that feels safe and exciting.  And one of my favorite gifts from this new awakening is I'm able to encourage my kids to explore their own minds, their own aspirations, without the heavy weight of imposed expectations. I don’t want them to live the way I did, constantly trying to fit into a mold that wasn’t made for them.

Just a few years ago, I was still desperately searching for someone who had walked my path before me, someone who could tell me how to survive. I wanted a checklist, something—anything—that would keep my fragile, other-imposed self intact. But I never found it. And looking back, I’m so grateful for that. Instead, I found something infinitely more valuable. I found a coach who didn’t just hand me answers but instead encouraged me to think for myself, to explore my core values, and to set my own boundaries. I was taught to truly explore and define who I am with the freedom of knowing people change and it's ok if I change. I finally found the permission within myself to explore and define values, boundaries, feelings, wants and needs. My worth was not dependant on me never changing. It was always there and even tho I can look back and see well meaning helpers and teachers offering me these new ideas, it wasn't till I was ready and found the teacher that I needed that I found this freedom.

My coach, who is now my dear friend and mentor, didn’t just give me the tools to survive; she gave me the tools to truly live. She taught me how to craft boundaries that were mine, boundaries that would protect the “me” I was finally getting to know. And because of that, I’m not dependent on her—or anyone else—for the rest of my life. This shift is incredibly empowering. It’s allowed me to step into a version of myself that feels real, that feels free. I’m no longer bound by the chains of others’ expectations. I’m finally living for me.

Today, I feel more at peace and more in control of my life than I ever have. I’ve let go of the need to live up to anyone else’s standards. I’ve embraced a sense of autonomy that I didn’t even know was possible. And while my journey is far from over- I still have bad days, I still struggle greatly -I now have the tools and the confidence to continue growing and evolving on my own terms. I’m no longer afraid of what’s ahead because I know that whatever comes, I’ll be facing it as the person I was always meant to be—myself.