Instead of "What do You Do?" Try This

September 26, 2025

Instead of "What Do You Do" Try This 👍

So, what are your plans?

That question might send you into a state of panic when, well, you can't definitively say that there is a plan. At least, not one that you feel confident to share out loud or can even articulate.

You aren't God, who sees all and knows all. There are still things you are yet to discover about yourself.

As a student, this seemed like a standard greeting from anyone older than me.

"Hey. So, how's school? What are you going to study?" turned into "So, what are you going to do after you graduate?"

I'm getting older, and not much has changed. The conversation starter has just turned into an assumption that I am doing something concrete in my life and career that I can summarize in two sentences. Nowadays, in almost any context, the social norm is, "So, what do you do?" And even though I do an awful lot, it's still a question I dread. Maybe you can relate. 

⁉️Don't Know What You Want To Do? I Think That's Okay

If you relate to the inner panic that can sometimes arise at hearing these blatant questions about how you spend your personal and professional time, you might understand the very real dilemma so many of us don't voice but feel deeply. 

You might have graduated, worked a few jobs, picked a partner, and STILL not know for sure what you want to do with your life. You might or might not have a vague idea of what job you want next, or whether you want to get married and have kids, or what type of home setup you want to build. In my experience, this uncertainty is normal. In fact, it has been normal for a lot more people than I ever imagined, and that's given me more confidence to acknowledge that I'm in the same boat.

Sometimes, I'll see someone with a beautifully practiced two-liner to that opening question, "What do you do?" I'll stand listening in awe to their smooth delivery of a perfectly reasonable answer and watch the person who asked it nod and then share what they do themselves. At that point, my familiar mild panic mode can start to kick in. It won't be long before both pairs of eyes are on me and waiting for an equally eloquent answer explaining what I do with my time, skills, and talents.

If you're like me, you likely have an idea of what you DON'T ever want to do. That might stay true. It also might change over the years as you explore, learn, and discover things that change your perspective. You might already have an idea of what you'd like your life to look like. Knowing how to get there is another story. Your path isn't mine.

If you take two people who have reached more or less the same point in their lives and ask them how they got there, you can always find stark differences. They may have taken the same courses at university. However, their background, schooling, family life, proclivities, talents, and values are what determine the exact steps they take along the way.

Maybe this life isn't about arriving at the point you always envisioned reaching. Just ask the rich, famous, and decorated... Arriving, or success, never feels like the end. It's just another step.

You and I make decisions differently. Our paths will be wholly unique. And that's okay.

Do What You Want To Do (and Don't Apologize For It)

Personally, I've always known that I love words. I wrote in a little poetry notebook as a child. I wrote creatively at school and loved English Literature as a subject. I read all kinds of books like my life depended on it. I cried when the words of a song touched something in my soul. I also felt it deeply when words spoken criticized, rejected, or isolated me from others.

With all of that in mind, it wasn't a surprise that a love for writing blossomed in adulthood. It's become a lifeline for me, including how I express myself, think through experiences, and work through emotions. Words are also an outlet for my creative spirit, a force that is becoming more demanding as I see time slipping away. But figuring out what my passion means for me in terms of a job, a life goal, or a way to earn a living? For almost my entire adult life, that's been more of a question mark, and I think that's okay, too.

If you don't know where you're going, you're a normal human being. You aren't God, who sees all and knows all. There are still things you have yet to discover about yourself. Become a parent, start a business, or go and travel for a while, and you'll soon start to see life differently! Even so, if you happen to be passionate about something, that's worth paying attention to in your personal and professional life. Can't figure out how to use it to make money yet? Maybe you can just continue to make it your hobby or enjoy it. Why put so much pressure on yourself to "pursue your passion" in a formal career?

I'm well aware of the popular messaging of "Do what you love and you won't work a day in your life." I'm also aware that life isn't linear or controllable. Things happen. Bills have to be paid. Kids have to eat. Time slips away.

Not all people have careers. Not all people want to talk about their jobs or lack of one. Stay-at-home mothers who answer, "I'm just at home," might not want to elaborate on the mountains of poop, mopping up tears, and constant meal preparation. For me, it's a matter of too much variety. Countless things pique my interest, and I find almost everything new fascinating in some form. Choosing just one thing to focus on during my workday is hard. I'll figure it out. Or maybe I won't.

I think it's okay to simply do what you need to do. Love what you love. You don't need to apologize for how your life looks or the path you've walked. The next step could change your entire trajectory, or it could just keep you moving forward.

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Try This Instead of "What Do You Do?"

Since this question comes up a lot, you might spend some time thinking about what you really love about your life. Why not jot down some potential responses and keep that list handy? For example, when someone asks, "What do you do?" you might open up the conversation with something like, "Oh, I love writing and trail running. How about you?"

If you'd like even more self-confidence, you might also think about how to reframe this question when you meet someone new. Give one of your answers above, and then open the conversation with a follow-up question like:

• How do you like to spend time?

• What are you most passionate about?

• Do you have any goals you're working on right now?

• What's keeping you going at the moment?

• What's the best part of your day?

You might even find that inviting the other person to share what they're passionate about will bring you better conversations and deeper connections. By finding common ground, you might even unlock relationships that you'll treasure far beyond that first awkward interaction.

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The Final WORD: Who You ARE Drives What You Do

They say that mental agility is the foundation of resilience. That makes sense because if you can adapt to the situation, you can get through it more positively or use it as an opportunity to grow. It doesn't matter whether or not you know what you want to do or feel ready to share that information. What matters is acknowledging who you are, what you value in life, and how you want to spend the limited time given to you.

You and I make decisions differently. Our paths will be wholly unique. And that's okay.

You might change your approach, your career, and your opinions. However, your vocation, or the calling in life that you're most passionate about, probably won't change. If you can base your career or life decisions on that vocation, that's amazing. If you can't, there's no reason to allow it to fade into the background or deny that it brings you joy.

Do it anyway. Do it as a side thing or whenever you can. Do it as a stress reliever. Do it as a connection point with your family or friends. What you love is part of who you are, whether what you currently do for a living reflects that or not.

Do you have any goals you're working on right now? I bet the next person you meet would love to hear about them and share their own. Be brave!