The Self-Reflection Trap: How Fear Holds You Back

Recently, while searching for a job, I encountered a scammer. With my extensive experience working with clients, I quickly recognized his dishonesty. He insisted on a phone call (not video), and when I refused, he became aggressive. After blocking him, he began threatening me from multiple accounts. I was in shock — expecting a professional interaction but instead receiving threats like “I’ll find your home and kill you.”

This happened in the Ukrainian job market. The man had a distinctly Russian mentality — aggressive, pushy, and surrounded by shady bot-farming schemes.

Previously, a former U.S. collaborator (we worked on a comic together) also threatened to sue me just because I said his behavior caused people to doubt themselves, blocking their progress.

A friend once told me at lunch, “No one’s impressed by your achievements.”

Let’s talk about people who intentionally make you feel afraid — and then play the victim. They're everywhere.

After experiencing threats and anxiety, you may fall into a self-reflection trap.

Yesterday, I saw a post on Threads from a woman who was bullied at school. Twenty years later, the girl who bullied her is a millionaire influencer — while she’s still haunted by past pain and unfairness. That injustice? It's not real. It’s just the Hollywood version of how revenge should work.

My grandmother has been crying over the accidental death of her young son for 40 years, wishing she lived next to his family in another city. Meanwhile, her elder daughter takes care of her and receives nothing but criticism in return.

That’s toxic self-reflection.

You were threatened. You felt fear. The offender was never punished. Now your mind loops that pain for years.

Religion says, “Forgive them.” But why should we forgive evil? Does it truly free us — or just numb our pain?

Evil should be punished. Ironically, evil often thinks it’s good and blames you: “You started it!” “You provoked me!”
But we have law — a system that defines right and wrong. It defines violence, harassment, and the rights of both sides in a conflict.

Did that scammer have the right to insult me from fake accounts after I blocked him? No.
Did my former colleague have the right to threaten me with a lawsuit and financial harm? No. I never publicly defamed him.

These things are defined by facts and logic, not emotions. Don’t let dominants manipulate you.

What to Do If You Feel Powerless After Emotional Abuse

If you don’t have resources… If you feel weak, broken… How can you fight back?

Step one: Get out of the self-reflection trap.
If you constantly think about how unfairly you were treated, but no one was punished — your mind becomes a hurricane of pain. You stop moving forward. You stop doing the tasks that bring you closer to your goals.

I know a woman who became a senior developer in five years. But all she talks about is her abusive ex-husband. She even left their daughter with her mother to escape reminders of him.

Another woman spent years obsessing over her toxic relationship with her mother. She never felt loved. She overthought how to “perfectly” write a book, instead of simply writing it. Time passed, and she achieved nothing she dreamed of. Then she died.

A different woman constantly fights with her husband over “who is smarter” and “who is more important.” She even ditched her best friend — because the friend reminded her that her husband is a jerk. Or maybe just because she was prettier.

I keep telling myself I can’t speak English — and my friend keeps pointing out my pronunciation isn’t good enough to be a tutor.

It feels like rats in a sinking ship, trying to push you overboard. Have you noticed?
Or are you one of the dominants — and now you’re going to leave hate comments?

I call them dominants. They can be of any race, gender, or nationality. They enjoy humiliating others. It’s not upbringing — it’s in their nature.

How to Escape the Self-Reflection Trap and Reclaim Your Power

To break free, you must focus on daily action and physical movement (sports help a lot). Every day without action moves you backward. That’s a loss.

Yes, your abusers are still out there. They’re thriving, making money, showing off how “cool” they are. Meanwhile, you’re struggling.

They seem better than you. Right?

If you say, “I don’t care,” you’ll loop back to thinking about how they hurt you. You’ll keep running… again and again.

Write a list of people who hurt you. Look at their life level. Figure out where you want to be. Create a plan. Start working.

It might feel like they had everything handed to them — more money, more support, more luck. And you’re alone.

So what?

My Own Battle

As you know, I launched an animation channel. After completing a course, I made my first few animations and asked a local studio for work. They instantly rejected me.

They had over a million subscribers. I had maybe 200 total.

I tried to convince them — I have art skills, I built a site, I took a course…
They laughed and said, “Well, we could give you a test task if you really want to prove yourself.”

It felt like mockery. They rejected me, then offered a “test” just to reinforce that rejection.

I’ve learned their patterns too well.

Now, on top of constant air raids, insomnia, friends devaluing me, being broke, fraud attacks, and my fear of failing my manga launch…

What should I do?
Give up? Beg for a janitor job and wait to die… because society didn’t accept me?

Or fight? Train to defeat dominants? Search for ways to earn?

What would you choose?