Understanding Psychological Abuse

In this post, let's talk about psychological abuse. It starts subtly. Someone gains your trust without you noticing. They offer support and amusement. You share your secrets. But then, they use these secrets against you, deceiving you and making you believe their fabrications, often through intimidation and phrases like "you're imagining things" or "you started it." You become entangled in their web, questioning your own reality and craving their approval. They lead you towards dependence and desire to be begged for.

Abusers especially love to humiliate and deny their actions. Such a person will never sincerely apologize and usually avoids saying "Thank you" or "Sorry." And most importantly, an abuser DOES NOT (read on) ... (change).

The Difficulty in Forming New Social Connections

According to the Socioemotional Selectivity Theory (SST), people tend to lose the ability to form broad social connections as they age.

Personally, I would link this to high competition for wealth! Come on, no one really wants to live in poverty and count every penny after paying bills.

Time passes, social pressure increases, you compete with friends, and you get upset when you get older and don't achieve promotions in your financial or romantic goals.

Some people start to get sick, others have aging parents requiring care, and young children appear.

Having gone through competition and betrayal, people tend to limit themselves to a circle of truly trusted company... sometimes, there isn't any at all.

Reasons for Decreased Social Activity

• Competition for a better place in life

• Disappointment, loss of shared values

• Socioemotional selectivity

• Decreased motivation to maintain social networks

• Changing priorities and interests

• Change of residence

(Sources: Carstensen, L. L. (1992). Social selection theory: Socioemotional selectivity across the adult life span. Annual review of gerontology and geriatrics, 11, 195-217. Lang, F. R. (2001). Ageing and social relationships: Changes and challenges in later life. In International handbook of social gerontology (pp. 247-267). Edward Elgar Publishing. Wrzus, S., Hänel, M., Wagner, J., & Neyer, F. J. (2013). Social network changes and life events across the life span: A meta-analysis. Psychological bulletin, 1 139(1), 53.)  

1. Financial Interdependence among Malay Older People in the ...

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How Did You End Up with an Abuser?

So... if abuse is quite subtle at 12-16 years old, teenagers are oversaturated with communication, company, school, college... Even if bullying occurs, social services, the school, and parents can intervene to stop it!

But after 18-20 years, people embark on a new path of adult life. The loss of past social connections and the search for new ones begin.

This is where you can find yourself one-on-one with an abuser.

Moreover, an abuser does everything to stop you from seeking new acquaintances who could show you an alternative opinion and attitude!

The Social Experiment in Ukraine

Recently, a social experiment was conducted in Ukraine.

A young woman in a white dress and hat was placed in the middle of a city square. Next to her was a table with various items: water, paint, soft fruits, vegetables, oil. The sign read, "Do whatever you want with me!"

What do you think a normal person would do?

• Walked by with a smile

• Asked if help was needed, what the performance was for

• Started pouring water and oil on the girl and throwing fruits at her

• Started defending the girl

Answer yourself... what would you do?

Public place, a crowd of people, cameras, and then a grown man, about 30 years old, actually starts pouring oil on the girl... pouring water on her hat and laughing. A woman starts throwing fruits at her.

An abuser loses self-control when they sense weakness and a victim! They are not even stopped by the presence of people; they are predators after freedom and your well-being. And when asked why they are doing this, they and many commenters replied, "Well, she allowed it!"

This is their DNA nature.

You were allowed to commit violence, and you gladly do it? What's wrong with you? What kind of vile entity is in your brain?

How to Recognize an Abuser?

• Denial and Minimization: Abusers often deny their behavior or minimize its consequences. They may claim that the victim is "too sensitive," "provoked it themselves," or that their actions were "not that bad." This allows them to avoid responsibility for their actions.

• Blame Shifting: Instead of acknowledging their responsibility, abusers tend to blame the victim or external circumstances for their behavior. They might say they were "stressed from work," "going through a hard time," or that the victim "drove them to it."

• Gaslighting: Abusers may systematically distort the victim's perception, making them doubt their memory, feelings, and sanity. They might deny that any incidents even occurred or claim that the victim misunderstood them. This is a form of psychological violence aimed at establishing control.

• Lack of Empathy: Abusers often lack empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. This makes it difficult for them to recognize the harm they cause with their behavior. Their focus is usually on their own needs and desires.

• Sense of Superiority and Entitlement: Some abusers may believe they have the right to control and подчинять others. This belief can prevent them from acknowledging that their behavior is wrong or harmful.

• Fear of Consequences: Acknowledging abuse can lead to negative consequences for the abuser, such as losing control over the victim, legal prosecution, social condemnation, and the need to confront their own problems. Therefore, denial can be a defense mechanism.

• Cycle of Violence: In the cycle of violence, which often includes a "honeymoon phase" (reconciliation), the abuser may temporarily show remorse or promise to change. However, this is often manipulation, and without deep self-work, the abusive behavior usually resumes. True acknowledgment of abuse requires long-term and conscious effort.

Western research in the field of domestic violence and the psychology of abusers consistently confirms these behavioral patterns. For example, the work of Lenore Walker on the cycle of violence and the research of Jeffrey Edleson and Alan Gurman on the dynamics of violence in relationships highlight the tendency of abusers to deny or minimize their behavior. The model of constant behavior inherent in the masses speaks of a DNA structure built into the body! Remember, this is not treated. Isolation is the best solution for all these lizards.

How to Get Out of Abuse?

The first thing this predator will instill in you is, "You won't find anything better!" "I helped you, others won't," "I saved you, I'm tired of saving you!", "You really can't do anything!", "Prove that you are worth at least a penny!"

"You are nothing" - that's what it tells you.

Trying to talk honestly? - It will only amuse him. 

Trying to accuse him? - You're lying! This is slander against me! Yes, I will destroy you!

All this was said to me by this internet acquaintance with whom I tried to collaborate. It's funny that our mutual acquaintances are also well "processed by his web" and stood up for him.

If this is your family, he will take your bank cards, money, control your work, and say about himself that he has done 100 times more.

And this is a vicious cycle.

You just need to stand up and leave, abandon his society, which is saturated with poison. Find protection in social services, cyberbullying and abuse support groups, and the police. The abuser tries to remove all your friends so that you are alone.

And remember - this lizard will try to watch you, plotting how else he can bite you.

Keywords: abuse, psychological abuse, emotional abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, toxic relationships, narcissistic abuse, signs of an abuser, leaving abuse, support for abuse victims, Punni's diary