Co-Regulation

What is Co-Regulation?

When a child is having a major outburst in a group setting, an adult can use him/herself as a tool to get their child back on track. It is not easy to do. It requires significant energy and other supportive adults.

Co-regulation requires that the adult recover quickly from their frustration / confusion before helping their child. The adult needs to be “just right” before they can figure out what their child needs to shift to a “just right” place.

Strategies for Co-Regulation

1.Calm-Alert Adult 

1. • Minimal talking. Use a neutral but supportive tone. 

   • No reprimanding, no threats, etc. 

Why? 

• Agitated / frustrated / disappointed adult = agitated child who may shut down

• Use a tone of voice you want the child to match

2. Offer Choice 

• eg: "Do you want to watch or play?" 

• If the response is "play" or the child goes to play in an appropriate location, go to step # 5

Why?

• Offering and interpreting the child’s reaction as a choice guarantees that the child is still engaged without rewarding refusal

3. If the child attempts to escape, grunts, cries, or says no, say "Okay. Tell me when you are ready to play or take a turn"

• No other comments, no 'engagement' 

• Stay calm/neutral

Why? 

• By not engaging in reprimand / threats / bribes / hugs, etc. nobody gets sidetracked

• The child has a better chance of re-entering their play in a calm-alert state

• The child is not rewarded for fuss - the child is contained until they can regulate

4. Stay with the child, watching the play

• Do not engage in conversation, etc. 

• Comment on the play indirectly. Eg: "Johnny is on the slide" or "I see that it's circle time." 

Why? 

• Staying with the child allows him not to panic (i.e. he is not alone and out of control).

5. From time to time, casually offer again "Do you want a turn? Or watch?" 

• Use an indifferent tone

• If negative, say "Okay you can watch" 

Why? 

• A regular, matter of fact offer to make a new choice continues to let the child feel in control (which she needs to self-regulate).

6. When the child decides to play, go with it and proceed calming as if nothing occurred. 

• Carry on with the flow of the group 

• Give lots of praise for specific participation (eg: "nice running", "good waiting"). 

Why? 

• This allows the child to ‘save face’ and not be anxious (enabling him to be calm-alert and join in).

• The child enjoys the rewards of self-regulation.

7. No further discussion of the incident in the child's presence. 

• Focus on praising something they did well (eg: "You had fun on the slide" or "Good job singing the goodbye song.") 

• No negative talk

Why?

• Young children are often not yet sophisticated enough to reflect back on an experience and learn from it.

• Re-playing the incident may just bring back the agitation that accompanied the behaviour.

• Remind the child of their positive behaviour so that he can repeat it.

Based on ‘How Does Your Engine Run’ (Williams & Shellenberger,1996), ‘SticKids: Muscles, Motion ‘n Touch’ (Community Therapy Associates Inc.), and  ‘Co Regulation Coaching Strategy #20’ (used with the permission of Cécile Loiselle, Brockville Infant and Child Development Program).