"STRAIGHTEN that neck up, this is not a soup kitchen! That's better", Carrie Underwood instructs the audience. "My name is Carrie Underwood, a devout Christian, a successful American touring artist, and now, a headmistress of the most in-need charm school in our fine country." 

Carrie Underwood continues: "VH1 and I have come together to help teach ten celebrity students the right way to live; brimming with etiquette and charm. No longer will they be releasing jump scares or rectangles as single covers, No more will they snack on questionably shaped fruits, and no more will they be the front page of TMZ with a new daily scandal! With a little help from us, The Lord will bless these students! Amen. AWOMEN!" 

Outside Charm School, the wheels of a motor vehicle can be heard pulling up. It's a yellow school bus. On the bus sit eight students attending charm school. The camera cuts to Meghan Trainor inside the bus, taking up three seats, with a bunch of candy wrapped opened and tossed to the seat at the side of her. 

Sitting behind her, Foxes kindly asks Meghan Trainor if she can have a piece of candy also. Meghan laughs, says no, calls her fat and ugly and throws the pile of used wrappers at her. 

From the front of the bus, Madonna shouts "BREAK IT UP CHILDREN". Then she continues what she was doing - flirting with the seventeen year old male intern who just received his driving license. "What's your name sweetie?" she asks. "Um, um, Rob, ma'am". "Well Ross" (struggling to hear him without her hearing aids) " how would you like to drive my vehicles?" 

"um... miss Madonna" says Harry Styles sitting in the front seat. "Rob looks a little young for you. Do you want to sit next to me instead love?" Madonna looks Harry up and down and replies "well sugarmuffin, you're a little late. I was a lesbian 3 days ago, not anymore. Sorry" before going back to flirting with the driver. 

From behind him, the students hear gross sounds emanating from the back of the bus. They turned around to witness Kesha vomiting all over the back seat. Katy Perry runs to hide behind New York to save herself from the vomit. New York quickly lifts Avril Lavigne out of the seat in front, using her as a shield for the incoming projectiles. Kesha laughs at the scene in front of her and begins accidentally peeing all over the bus floor also. 

Finally the bus pulls up to the charm school. Everyone is grateful - especially the driver Rob - as Madonna and the other students exit the bus as he drives away in the uncleaned vehicle. "When do you think we'll meet the head teacher?" Avril Lavigne asks. "This must be him now!" Harry assures her pointing to the escalade limo pulling up behind them. "I can't wait to meet him" Kesha says, spitting into her hand preparing for a handshake. 

The limo doors open to reveal a woman's leg. Suddenly Troye Sivan appears from inside of the limo, followed by husband Grant Gustin. Thinking they're the headmasters, Katy Perry has a full on meltdown, immediately calling for the executive producer to have words. 

As Katy Perry is taken aside by the producers, the commotion continues "Not these fruits!" Kesha exclaims. "Who even eats fruit these days?" Meghan Trainor asks. "I REFUSE TO LISTEN TO THESE TWO" New York screams, preparing to throw a shoe at them. 

"whatever" says Troye Sivan as he walks over to the line. Grant Gustin tries to explain that they're also students but is largely ignored when Katy Perry returns to the group, now re-assured that they are students, and hurls abuse at them. 

The doors to the charm school suddenly fling open. Out walks headmistress Carrie Underwood. She attempts to address the students but they ignore her. "Hold on a minute" she says, going back inside. Seconds later, she returns - rifle in hand. Suddenly the students pay much more attention. "That's better", she says introducing herself. She tells the students that they should go to their bedrooms and then meet again in the main hall after dumping their things. 

The students are surprised to find that rooms had already been assigned for them. In a traditional school sense, the boys and girls rooms are separated. The three boys are together. Katy Perry, Kesha and Meghan Trainor have their own room. That leaves just four. 

"HELL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Shouts New York as she finds out who her roommates are. "'HELL NAUR MEANS NAUR' I think you mean" corrects Avril Lavigne - the housemate meant to be sharing a bunk bed with New York. "JUST FOR THAT YOURE SLEEPING ON THE FLOOR!" New York aggressively screams at her. Avril cries and goes to sit in the corner of the room. 

"Shouldn't we do something" asks Foxes. "Hmm, Let me think... no!" replies Madonna while lying down in her double bed. "Hm, ok then" Foxes responds, before climbing into the bed. "WOAH. What do you think you're doing Foxy Bingo?" Madonna asks. "It says here we've been assigned to share the double bed". replies Foxes. Madonna wonders what she's done in her 147 years of life to deserve this. 

Gwen Stefani, dean of the charm school, comes to the bedrooms reminding the students to meet in the main hall. Upon seeing Madonna and Foxes sharing a bit, she screams "FRUITY!" then runs down the stairs again at full speed. 

The students enter the main hall to see deans Kacey Musgraves and Lana Del Rey arguing at the deans table. Kacey says "Lana, I told you already, I can sing us a song from my album Kaceyoke while we wait for them". Lana replies "I know you did and I already told you I'm tired of hearing you speak, let alone sing". Kacey looks for the nearest ball-like object in her vicinity to throw at her in revenge. 

Carrie Underwood appears and introduces all the students to her three deans Gwen Stefani, Kacey Musgraves and Lana Del Rey - praising them but also indirectly shading each one while introducing them. 

Carrie Underwood begins to talk to the students about the purpose of charm school, telling them its time to change their bad behaviour. She calls Avril Lavigne an attention seeker, Kesha a piss-addicted smelly loser, Madonna old and decrepit and tells Troye Sivan that being himself is his biggest crime.

Carrie Underwood then announces that it's time for a faculty and student mixer, to get to know each other. The rest of the deans and students head outside to the schoolyard where drinks and food have been set up by the pool. Carrie tells Foxes to wait. She admonishes her for the rainbow top she's wearing, telling her "it's more of a jumpscare than your face. Please go change". Foxes, not wanting to be kicked out day 1, does as she's told. 

At the mixer, Lana Del Rey questions some of the students on their goals. "Hmm, goals" Madonna thinks. "Honestly I never thought about it but now that you mention it I wouldn't mind hooking up with a goalkeeper. Athletes are pretty young and fit after all. Sorry Rod the Bus Driver, your girl is moving on!" 

Gwen Stefani is next to ask certain students important questions. "Who are you voting for in the next election?" she asks. "NOT YOU" New York answers stomping on her foot walking away, flailing her arms. As she walks away, she accidentally hits Avril Lavigne in the face knocking her into the pool. Kesha swims over to her, asking her if the water is warm. "Uh, yeah, I guess so" Avril says, still recoiling. "Good! I just peed in it!" Kesha responds happily. 

Kacey Musgraves stands with Harry Styles asking him what he thinks of the LGBT+ community. "Oh I love them, they're so inspirational" he responds. Foxes appears, now wearing a rainbow dress. "Me too, they're so great. Much love and support for them, I'll always buy their albums! Or at least pretend to!" Suddenly a voice is heard from the speaker system; "Harry and Foxes. You will be responsible for cleaning up after tonight's party" Carrie Underwood declares. 

Things quieten down for a little bit until a shriek is heard from Katy Perry. The other students run over to her as she's shaking and ask what happened. "Troye Sivan took his shirt off" she accused, struggling to hold back the nausea. Grant Gustin hears the shade and gets in her face, telling her not to talk about his husband. Katy pushes him away leading Troye to snatch her hair in revenge. Katy grabs an apple from between her bra, throwing it at Troye. It misses and hits Grant in the eye. 

Only caring that the evening was ruined and not that Grant Gustin was given a black eye, Carrie Underwood accuses Grant and Troye Sivan of ruining the party, telling them that they will help Harry and Foxes clean up, and telling everyone that the party is over and the rest of the students should say their prayers and go to sleep. They will need both tomorrow. 

The next morning, Harry Styles has not slept as the only person who actually followed the rules to clean as Foxes sat and laughed and him, and the other two well... went to their bedroom. He quickly gathers the students having found a note. He explains that everyone has been given an adventure guide, each with supplies including a map. However each person's map is incomplete. They will need to work together to find the site of today's test. 

Katy Perry and Troye Sivan immediately lock eyes, refusing to work with each other. Clutching his eye, Grant Gustin cheers on his husband "you tell her babe. I might even let you get close tonight if you do good today!" 

New York says "BYE" and leaves on her own. Harry Styles asks "omg what's happening??" to which Meghan Trainor replies "If you give me all of your food, I'll tell you". He agrees. She takes his food but doesn't tell him. 

The deans are waiting at the trial site. New York is first to appear. Surprisingly Meghan Trainor and Kesha arrive together in second place, both smelling food from miles away. Foxes is next to arrive. She tells the others that Troye Sivan and Grant Gustin were with her at one point, but they got separated when she heard some rustling from the bushes nearby. 

Troye Sivan and Grant Gustin are next to arrive. They sprint up the hill as they're followed by Katy Perry who is almost out of breath - not from running, but from the amount of choice insults she's thrown at them while chasing them. 

"I KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO THOSE FLOWERS" Katy Perry shouts as she reaches the top of the hill. She's interrupted by the sound of wheels behind her. Harry Styles and Avril Lavigne both appear with Madonna in a wheelchair they borrowed from the nearest hospital. As they reach the top of the hill, they park the wheelchair as they go to speak to the others. "Naur" Avril says, as she realises she forgot to put the breaks on. The wheelchair - and Madonna in it - falls back down the hill. 

An hour later, Madonna manages to take the final step back up the hill. She is welcomed by the deans and the students The deans explain that today's test will take place inside this outdoor gym - where many have trained. Lana Del Rey says "hope you love a man... or woman... in uniform" before introducing their instructor for today Kacey Musgraves in an army jumpsuit, cameltoe and all. Lana can't stop looking. 

Kacey Musgraves explains that today's lesson was about teamwork, making it clear that they all failed. "EXCUSE ME I WAS FIRST HOW DID I FAIL" New York asks. "The lesson was about teamwork" Kacey says again. "YES! I WAS THE TEAM. THEY DID THE WORK!" responds New York. 

Kacey Musgraves explains that the test today is an obstacle course requiring peak fitness and stamina. Even army marines train here she tells them. Troye Sivan almost faints from the thought of any non-sexual physical activity. 

The students are divided into two teams.

Team nAur - featuring Avril Lavigne, Foxes, Katy Perry, Meghan Trainor and Troye Sivan
Team Blessed - featuring Grant Gustin, Harry Styles, Kesha, Madonna and New York.

The teams are also asked to choose a team leader. Recognising that they hate each other and will absolutely not work underneath each other, Katy Perry and Troye Sivan vote for Foxes knowing they can boss her about. Team Blessed choose Harry Styles. Confused, he asks "what? why?" No one responds. 

The teams captains give advice to their teams.

Team nAur's captain Foxes gives some non-committal generic advice with about as much energy she gives to her single announcements. Katy Perry and Troye Sivan try to both give advice to the team shouting over each other, drowning the other out.

Team Blessed's captain Harry Styles is still confused and is waiting for his questions to be answered. They never are.

Team nAur is first-up to race. Their first roadblock comes in the form of a tunnel which Meghan Trainor is unable to fit through. Avril Lavigne comes up with a moment of genius, as she sticks her finger down Meghan's throat - forcing Meghan to vomit up the 12 course breakfast she had that morning (all over Avril). Meghan is now able to proceed.  

Team nAur's next challenge is when they reach a climbing wall. Due to short man syndrome, Troye Sivan thinks he's unable to climb it, saying he's not used to climbing anything that big. Thinking he's faking for attention, Katy Perry appears behind him and spanks his ass through his sheer uniform, causing him to jump up high, landing on the other side of the wall. Objective cleared. 

Almost at the end of the course, Foxes leads her team to the finish line. So close to it, she trips over a wire which triggers a large pitfall in the ground. Meghan Trainor, in last place, bumps into everyone, sending them into the pitfall with her landing on top of them - unable to get up. 

Through nothing else but their sheer hatred for Foxes right now, the impossible happens. Katy Perry and Troye Sivan put their differences aside to get everyone out of the hole. The team crosses the finish line together moments later. 

It is now time for Team Blessed to race. Harry Styles is still confused and begins having a panic attack. New York shakes some sense into him as she shouts "BOY YOU BETTER SHUT THE FUCK UP AND FOCUS IF YOU DONT WANT TO BECOME THE NEXT Ed Sheeran". Shaken, he comes to his senses and says "yes maam".  The team are off to a flying start. 

New York runs ahead of the others, shouting "KEEP UP WITH THE HEAD BITCH IN CHARGE BITCHES". It starts working as the others pick up the pace, challenging themselves. Soon after Grant Gustin begins to lose motivation as he is distracted by the sidelines where Troye Sivan is changing out of his sports outfit. "I'm gonna get some of that tonight" he thinks. Suddenly Harry Styles runs by Grant wearing a dress. "You know what, nevermind" Grant says, now turned off and focused again. 

Madonna is next to slip up, literally, as she falls into a pile of mud. She tries to scream for help but no one hears her as Kesha is busy shouting "BUY MY ALBUM. BUY MY ALBUM. BUY MY ALBUM" as a promotional chant like its her tooting schedule. Kesha, Grant and Harry all step over Madonna thinking her head is a simple rock. 

The team is close to the finish line. ONE. TWO. THREE. FOUR... they all pass it... wait. "Where's Madonna?" asks Gwen Stefani. After two hours, Madonna still hasn't shown up. Kacey Musgraves worries that she might be dead and phones the school for paramedics. The rest of Madonna's team are busy celebrating. 

Paramedics arrive on the scene to find Madonna drowning in the same puddle of mud. Sensing that it's an emergency - one that's lasted for hours already - they remove Madonna from the mud. Unfortunately her uniform was permanently stuck, so they had to cut her out of it. Now nude, she is put on a stretcher and taken away in an ambulance as dean Kacey Musgraves is given an update on the situation. 

Kacey Musgraves returns to the students and informs them what is happening with Madonna. She then says that as Madonna was unable to finish the challenge, Team Blessed are today's losers. Team nAur have won. She explains that Team nAur - Avril, Katy, Meghan, Foxes and Troye - are now safe from today's expulsion. Three members of the losing team will be called down to the carpet tonight as today's bottom three. She phones for Rob to pick them up. He is surprised but happy Madonna isn't there .

Back at the house, Troye Sivan confronts Katy Perry disgusted that she would touch him, especially on his ass. "Aw I thought you'd like it", she responds. "Try this instead", she says, slapping him directly across his face this time before walking away cackling. 

Paramedics suddenly arrive back at the house with Madonna. They explain that she is fine, just had a bit of mud stuck in her throat, and she now has to eat a special liquid diet for a few days. As they go out to get her prescription food from the ambulance, Meghan Trainor walks in from the outside. The paramedics come in ten minutes later, saying that all of Madonna's food has disappeared! 

As the students prepare for the expulsion ceremony, Avril Lavigne is helping Harry Styles with his outfit for tonight. She gives him a make over. He ends up wearing a crop top, skirt and a bow that reads "naur means naur". Over the speakers, they hear that it is time to meet in the main hall for the expulsion ceremony. 

The headmistress and the deans address the students at the expulsion ceremony. They first praise the winning team for their teamwork before saying that the losing team was nothing short of a disaster. Out of fairness to Madonna, she is NOT called down the carpet after the day she has had - despite being the reason the team lost. Due to the leadership qualities she showed, New York is also safe. 

Grant Gustin Harry Styles and Kesha are therefore called down to the carpet. Grant has been called for being distracted by his husband during the competition and for causing a fight the previous night. Harry was called for showing no leadership qualities whatsoever. And Kesha was called for being the reason the team could not hear Madonna crying for help during the challenge. 

The three students are then interrogated by the deans. Gwen Stefani cuts to the chase asking the most important question "Which out of you three supported me during the last senate election?" Kesha says "well duh! I went to your rally on #RHOPI remember?". Grant Gustin quickly adds "#GAYS4GWEN!!!" Harry Styles looks over confused. "What? What is a senate? We don't have that in England" he says. 

Carrie Underwood has heard enough. Aghast by both his answer and his choice of clothing, she expels Harry Styles from Charm School, asking him to hand back in his pledge pin. Still confused, Harry asks "what??? why???" New York answers for Carrie shouting at him "BECAUSE SHE SAID SO DUMBASS". Then, she picks Harry up, throws his pledge pin in Carrie's direction, and tosses him outside the school's door where he lands in front of bus driver Rob on his hands and knees.