Welcome to the Launch of Pissney+
Episode
After taking their first elimination test, the crew are sitting around the dinner table bickering and arguing about how they failed miserably during the first challenge.
TOP noticed that Xtina and RuPaul were arguing to each other the loudest, so he stepped in to stop.
"I HAVE A QUESTION FOR THE CULTURE. WHAT'S THE BEEF BETWEEN YOU TWO?" TOP Asked.
"There is no beef, if there was I would've eaten it long ago." Xtina responded. RuPaul appeared annoyed, shaking his head. "There's plenty of beef. It all started when this pig stole a gig from me at a drag bar back in the 90s. And Christina, I know it wasn’t your decision, it was the bar owner's decision, but I feel betrayed. I think, personally, I’m sorry, but everyone here is a better artist than you."
Xtina's lips trembled as she got defensive "But… But.. s-see.. here’s the thing. We wanna get personal then we’ll get personal. I do 90% of the work in the industry."
The two began inaudibly yelling at each other again before Xtina shrieked, the whole cast getting quiet.
"AKAKAKAKAKA! I listened to you and now you’ll listen to me for one HOT minute. This is my problem with you!"
"Act a fool, handsome man." RuPaul replied. Xtina went to speak but cut herself off, anger boiling in her eyes. "Act a fool." RuPaul repeated. Xtina took a, like herself, HEAVY breath, and turned to the entire cast. "We… are living in a world where people get mad when maybe sometimes commit leaks."
New York collapsed onto the floor, pretending to have a seizure as she screamed. "ONLY THING LEAKING IS MY EARDRUMS WHEN YOU SPEAK MS. PIGGY."
Xtina got up from the table. "Why are we sitting here BULLYING each other?"
The rest of the crew began to bully Xtina and throw verbal assaults at her before Madonna took a brave position and stood up. "Enough! I can't stand to see everyone making fun of Christina because absolutely none of your jokes are as good, talented, clever, or as brilliant as mine would be."
"Okay so like tell us a joke." Paris Hilton said. Madonna froze, sweat dripping down her unmoving face. TOP looks at Madonna's botox-filled face and remembers the cover to her song "Lush Screamscape"
"WELL COME ON FOXES, TELEPORT US TO HYPERSPACE!" He said.
Grant Gustin shakes his head in digust. "Who would come on foxes. They're like the 3rd least attractive animal besides Christina."
Xtina puts her hands up. "I've had enough of this!" She stormed out the room. "Crew" I announced the cast. "We have figured out your scores for the first elimination test. The player with the worst score will be killed off during the second challenge tomorrow. Find yourselves to your room and rest up."
The next morning arrived and everyone stepped outside of there rooms besides Xtina, as no one had seen her since she stormed off the day before.
Some members of the crew knocked at her door, but she yelled "I am so exhausted. Someone bomb my workplace so I don't have to work ever again."
Ryan thought the joke was serious, and immediately called 911.
The bomb squad was called in, and they closed off Xtina's room as the boys in blue tried to resolve the potential terrorist threat.
Meanwhile, the rest of the cast got on with the show.
"The theme for today's challenge is Earth, Water, Fire & Air. Inspired by the upcoming album by The Weeknd, Troye Sivan, Rihanna, and P!nk"
"Oh the theme for this challenge is to be pretentious. I'm gonna ace it." Madonna said.
"The fuck?" Troye Sivan replied.
"Crew members, in front of you, you will see 4 vents. Above these 4 vents are photos of these highly established artists. You can all decide which vents to go through individually. Whoever reaches all the way through can either decide to get $30k for the total prize, or safety from elimination next week."
Xtina, busy having to deal with the bomb squad, is unable to participate and is the first eliminated from this challenge.
New York looks at the photos in disgust. "I AIN'T GOING IN NONE OF THESE FREAK ASS VENTS. NASTY HOE IS CORRECT ALL I SEE IS UGLY." She's the second eliminated from this challenge.
Normani looks around. "I'm light on my feet like the air." She said, before crawling into the "Air" vent. Troye Sivan looked at that photo of himself and reluctantly nodded. "I'm going in the water vent obviously."
"Hell yeah it's time to get WET." Grant Gustin replied, slapping Sivan's ass as they crawled in. "Grant?? Wet?!!??"
Ryan went to follow Grant into the water vent but he hyperventilated at the though and collapsed unconscious. He's the third eliminated from this challenge.
"I don't see enough of you going into the earth or fire vents. I'm starting to think there's a little racism happening up in here." RuPaul said before looking at the two vents. He grimaced at the fire vent and crawled into the earth vent.
Rob witnessed Grant Gustin climb into the water vent. "Oh absolutely!" He said, crawling in after him. "Babe wait we should go in the air vent instead." Harry Styles tried to change his boyfriend's mind but ultimately followed him into the water vent.
Paris Hilton yawned as she looked into the fire vent. "Oh, I should be sleeping." She said, laying down in front of the vent and falling asleep. She's the fourth eliminated from this challenge.
TOP looks at the four photos and gasped. "KANDI!!" He yelled, grabbing and ripping the "Beast?" cover off the wall and holding it close. "SHE'S ALWAYS SO PRETTY."
Madonna looked at Top in disgust and crawled inside the Air vent slowly, the sounds of broken bones echoes through the vent as she moved.
TOP stops and stares at the photo, not realizing as the vents began to close. He's the fifth eliminated from this challenge. It was pitch black inside the water vent.
Grant Gustin lost track of where he was, but he grabbed onto what he assumed was Troye Sivan. "Babe you feel fantastic in here."
"?!?!" Harry Styles thought. "Get your hands off of him."
"I mean, we don't have to insist." Rob replied. Meanwhile, Troye Sivan crawled further ahead in the vent.
Meanwhile in the Earth vent, RuPaul was crawling through fine before he reached a room. He crawled out of the vent and was met by Matt Shadows
"Hi! Imma Matt. I'm not sure why Imma here but imma screaming." He said.
"Oh god," RuPaul replied. "You're so hot."
Normani was crawling through the air vent at the same time, reaching the end of the vent. She turned around and saw Madonna.
Normani shrieked and passed out in fear. She's the sixth to be eliminated from the challenge.
Troye Sivan reached the end of the vent, opening a space that allowed him to drop down into a room. He met the floor with a splash. The room was dark but seemed to be filled somewhat with water.
Sivan, recalling that he had been in close contact with Grant Gustin, Rob & Harry Styles, decided to take a break from his mission and wash himself with the water.
Kesha's laughter could be heard in the distance.
A chime goes off, and each crew member gets an alert on their crewmember space watches.
"A member of the crew has died."
After 85 short minutes, Madonna crawls through the air vent and reaches a room.
She's met with a monitor, showing which member of the crew had been killed.
RuPaul is shown on the monitor. The scene is too graphic to describe but it shows clothes thrown all across the room and a certain new metal album being played on repeat.
Madonna looks away in disgust. The monitor turns black and words begin to get typed across the screen.
"Congratulations Madonna. You are the winner of this week's challenge. We'll give you a hint about the imposter, you can share or not share this as you wish: They hate to act their own age."
"I think I have a certain twink in mind that's gonna get a word from me." Madonna smirks.
"Now Madonna, you have two options. You can either earn $30k for the prize cash, bringing the total to $35k, or you can earn safety from being eliminated next week."
Madonna looks at the two options before her, having to press a button to pick an option. She takes a deep breath before making her decision.