Welcome to the Launch of Pissney+
Episode
Katy Perry stares off somberly out one of the windows of the ship, staring out into the artificial project of stars and planets. It has been several days since the crew members felt the warmth of the sun.
Her mind is racing about the recent ejection of her longtime rival Troye Sivan, and how she outlived him.
With the crew dwindled down to the final six, the ship seems a lot quieter of a place, and only so much larger in comparison.
Things are quiet until Kacey Musgraves and Lana Del Rey burst into the cafeteria, brawling again.
Katy Perry, reflective of her own rivalry with Troye Sivan, steps in-between the two.
"These two again . Girls, enough, talk out your differences, enough of the fighting."
"She's always just so bitchy and pessimistic, everything is always a rant with her." Kacey Musgraves says.
"Well maybe it's because life isn't a fucking joke Kacey." Lana Del Rey looks away.
Megan Thee Stallion, watching the argument unfold, chimes in from across the cafeteria. "Ok this broke me I’m about to fucking throw a fit."
Megan Thee Stallion continues, reflecting on her emotional elimination during Celebrity Big Brother:
"But like I said I'm not going to let the other two stop me from playing… not this time!! "
"It's always a problem with you whenever I do something.. ANYTHING. Why don't you just let me live?" Kacey Musgraves says to Lana Del Rey
Lana, pushed to her limit, has an uncharacteristic emotional outburst. "Maybe it's because you get to live your authentic country life, but whenever I do it I get criticized.." She tears up.
Grant Gustin makes his way into the cafeteria and heads over to Megan Thee Stallion.
"Hey, so with Troye gone my bed's a bit colder at night. Was wondering if you'd be interes-"
"…you got one more strike! ONE MORE!!!!" Megan replies.
"Maybe it's because whenever I go out without makeup I get a ton of headlines about how I'm team Maga? Maybe I don't feel like dressing up as a chic Californian hipster all the time, huh?" Lana Del Rey begins to cry.
Kacey Musgraves goes to speak, but pauses. "Lana... I'm sorry you have to go through that."
Lana looks up at Kacey, wiping her eyes. "...I'm sorry I project my problems onto you."
Demi Lovato watches her best friend and her rival come together for a wholesome moment.
"Omg this is so wholesome. I wonder if they're going to lesbian now."
"Wait.. how many calories are in lesbian?"
With the crew more united than ever, if was time for them to receive their second to last task, and their most difficult task so far.
"Crew, today your task will be tough, if not impossible. You're tasked with working together to come up with a creative strategy to get Foxes latest single "Hyperspace" to be the intergalactic top 50 smash it sets out to be. Between promotion strategies to marketing, you'll find everything you need to work with on the ship. Best of luck!"
Katy collapses on the spot, unconscious but still alive.
"I think we'd rather die." Lana Del Rey says.
"Unfortunately, we were unable to get Foxes on set for you all to help her, so instead we have this apple stepping up to take her place. You'll be working hard to get this apple to be the perfect pop star she dreams to be."
"There are several things you will need to work on to make this song a success. Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve & Tale-..."
"Graphics, Touring, Charisma, Promotion, Legacy, & Work. Have fun picking which ones you want to handle."
"Might be easier if the apple is willing to make a trending challenge" Demi Lovato says.
"I'll handle touring, I have some experience myself."
"Help Demi spilling. Sounds yummy, I got Charisma." Kacey Musgraves says. "Period" Demi Lovato responds. "I think I just got mine."
"Inb4 my contribution gonna be made in the notes app too OSJDHBWJSKS this shouldn’t be funny. I got work work work." Megan Thee Stallion says.
"I'll take graphics." Lana Del Rey says, sounding almost as unenthusiastic as Foxes promotional campaign."
"If there's one thing I have, it's legacy, I'll handle that." Katy Perry says.
Grant Gustin, filming some content for his OnlyFans, is assigned Promotion. He attempts to get Megan Thee Stallion to film something with him. "Please for the love of gay Jesus leave me alone." She says.
Kacey Musgraves chirps in "Jesus was a proud member of the Str8+ community!"
"These graphics are about to have exceptional color theory and text hierarchy" Lana Del Rey cheers.
The crew ignores her as they split up to deal with their respective tasks.
Kacey Musgraves, forgetting the apple was a stand-in for Foxes, picks up the apple and eats it.
"Why would you do that!? Do you know how many carbs are in an apple?" Demi Lovato says, mortified.
"22 actually." Kacey Musgraves responds.
Demi Lovato, unsure of this, questions Kacey's math skills. "What number comes after 22?"
"27"
"I just want to film content." Grant Gustin says, seeing others leave the cafeteria. He begins to undress and goes out into the hallway to film some Onlyfans content. However, none of the camera crew wanted to film his "apple"
"I volunteer " Lana Del Rey has a sudden change of heart, leaving the computer she was working out and chasing Grant Gustin out into the hallway.
"Oh Lana, I love how thick you are back there." could be heard from out in the hallway.
"That was my final strike.." Megan Thee Stallion says, leaving to go to the medbay to type up a masters level thesis on the essence of working.
Off camera, Grant Gustin and Lana Del Rey's intimate conversation could be heard.
"Oh Grant, why did you dim the lights?" Lana asks.
"It... makes it easier to imagine that you're Troye Sivan"
"Then come over here, I feel some 'New Winds' between my legs."
Katy Perry meanwhile peeks at the computer Lana Del Rey was working on.
"Lets see what LEGACY I could make with Lana's cover artwork."
She then turns the computer off.
Kacey Musgraves and Demi Lovato, unsure of what to do, go back to the cargo hold to see if they could still find Xtina's fans from the previous episode.
They both scream as they make their way through the hallway Grant Gustin and Lana Del Rey are sharing an intimate moment in though.
A bit of time passes, and Megan Thee Stallion steps out of medbay with a packet of papers she wrote. "If the apple sees this, there's no way she'll debut lower than #67."
However, she yells as she finds Grant Gustin unconscious and nude on the floor, a space ball nearby. She reluctantly uses her medpack to revive him.
"Oh my god, Grant, what happened?"
"I don't know... I was filming content for my Onlyfans when all of a sudden it went dark..."
Megan Thee Stallion takes charge of the situation. "Put on some pants, we have to find the imposter and QUICKLY."
The two begin to run before they run into Demi Lovato. "Demi, where's Kacey?" Megan asks.
"I don't know. We were trying to count how many calories a cargo hold has and she disappeared."
Katy Perry shrieks can be heard through the hallway. Megan Thee Stallion and Grant Gustin run while Demi Lovato "runs" to the cafeteria, the source of the scream.
"Crew, a body has been discovered. Everyone make your way to the cafeteria to vote."
Katy Perry cries as she points over to Lana Del Rey, who's sitting at her computer, her head smashed into the keyboard.
"I went to my room to give 'Hyperspace' a listen to now what I was working with... Lana didn't want to go because she couldn't bare it... When I came back she was..." Katy Perry says.
Kacey Musgraves walks into the cafeteria, a frown on her face as she spots Lana. "Aww.." She says.
Megan Thee Stallion explains about how she found and saved Grant Gustin, she then asks Kacey Musgraves where she was during the murder.
"After eating that apple I had a bit of unpleasant bowel movements that I had to deal with..."
"Period." Demi Lovato says.
The six crew members stare at each other, no one wanting to say a word.
"Well I think Kacey is the most likel-" Grant Gustin says.
"Now STOP IT MISTER" Kacey Musgraves.
"I mean, there's no proof that Grant didn't fake his own death outside of Medbay, expecting Megan to save him." Demi Lovato.
"That was a very complex thought Demi. I'm proud of you." Katy Perry responds.
"Lana's dead in the cafeteria? I blame Meghan." Grant Gustin jokes.
Megan Thee Stallion, mishearing him and thinking he was talking about her, shoves Grant to the floor. "Boy not after I saved your ass."
"You can do whatever you want to my ass anytime Ms. Thee Stallion." Grant smirks.
"Whatever.." Megan Thee Stallion says, going over to cast her vote for Kacey Musgraves, Grant Gustin followers her and does the same.
"You know, you're the only one here that reminds me of Troye the most." Grant says to her.
"I've regretted every moment since I saved you..." She replies.
"Sisters vote together" Demi Lovato comforts Kacey Musgraves, "I got your back, no matter what."
"Thank you Demi, that means a lot." Kacey replies, "I got your back too, no matter how wide."
Demi Lovato & Kacey Musgraves go to vote, Demi awaiting Kacey's instruction on who to vote for.
Kacey thinks long and hard, imagining who the imposter might be. She then votes for Megan Thee Stallion, Demi voting for her as well.
Knowing that the votes are likely in a tie, Kacey Musgraves goes to Katy Perry to plead her case.
"I know that you know that I voted for Kesha in a previous round... But the KK has made it into the Top 12 winners. We have this show in the bag if we work together. Between you, me, and Demi, Grant wouldn't stand a chance."
"I think you mean Top 5... I'll consider it."
Megan Thee Stallion takes a short look over at Katy Perry.
"Pretty bitches stick together..." She reluctantly says.
"Hmm..." Katy weighs her options.
Katy Perry looks at the voting tablet somberly as she weighs her options. She now has the power to remove either Kacey Musgraves or Megan Thee Stallion from the show. She could also vote for Demi Lovato or Grant Gustin and force a tie.
She steps closer to the tablet and cast in her vote.
Final Tally:
3 - Kacey Musgraves
2 - Megan Thee Stallion
"We're sorry to announce, but the crew has voted to eject Kacey from the ship. Kacey, please make your way to the ejection hold."
"Thank you for settling my feud with Lana." Kacey Musgraves says to Katy Perry "I know the feud you have with Troye eats you up inside..."
Emotional, Kacey and Demi Lovato embrace each other in a final hug.
"You're going to win this thing, you hear me?" Kacey hugs her tightly, tears in her eyes.
"I'm going to miss you so much." Demi cries.
"I'll be there for your winning party..." Kacey says as she walks over to the ejection hold. The ejection hold opens and closes, and Kacey is gone.
"We'd like to announce that Kacey Musgraves was NOT the imposter."
"Join us tomorrow for the finale as the final four either makes it to the Doja Dimension or die trying. Tomorrow.. We will find out who the REAL imposter is."
"Thank you for watching, this is Doja, singing off the second to last time. Thank you for flying Starship Doja!"