The Perils of Permissive Parenting
We talk a lot about authoritarian parenting while forgetting about the damages which the permissive parenting can cause. Yes, it’s pretty much right that there are a number of parents who do not want to set limits only because they do not want to see their kids getting upset. Although, the idea of hurting kids is nothing less than a nightmare for many parents, does it make any sense to give children the permission to do whatever they want without knowing about the development damage those children are receiving?
Nevertheless, you should also keep in mind that setting limits is not something which hurts the kids. Even if your child may disagree at first, your empathic behavior can make him understand the reasons for the limits being set. In the end, he would be more than happy to stay within those limits without you repeating the urge.
So the most important thing you need to know about avoiding dangerous permissive parenting is to make sure that you are setting realistic limits and, more importantly, in empathic manner. You would certainly not want to head towards the harsh parenting because that can turn out to be even worse.
You have to believe in the fact that children need certain limits for better development. For that purpose, you will need to ensure that you are emotionally connected to your kid.
Now, it would be worth mentioning what tends to happen when you don’t set the limits.
Child may get what he/she shouldn’t
One bigger example in this regard is that permissive parents are often found letting their kids to stay up until late night. As a result, the kid starts the next day in exhausted state, which inhibits his capabilities to learn age-appropriate things. This consistent routine can produce a lack of self-esteem in the kid because he lags behind other peers.
Child feels entitled
There is a big difference between feeling deserved and feeling entitled. When you feel that you deserve something, you struggle for it in good way. When you feel entitled, you feel that it’s everyone’s responsibility to provide you with what you want. When you raise your children by putting empathic limits, you tell them that they have to try and work hard for what they want. On the other hand, permissive parenting tells the children that they are entitled to get anything they want. This can be worse than you may think.
No anticipation of sadness and other emotions
It’s the desire of every parent to ensure that their children remain happy in their lives. Now, there are two ways to do it. First one is to provide everything to the kid in order to make sure that he remains happy under your parenting. The second one is about helping the child to find happiness in life. When you tend to teach the kid about finding happiness, you essentially tell him/her that there are going to be the times of sadness and stress, and that he/she has to find a way to deal with the emotions which are resulted due to those sad times. But if children are not taught about dealing with big emotions, they consider sadness and disappointment entirely intolerable.