Arc 3: Chapter 16
Ever since Lin Yuan uncovered the matter of Jiang Qian working for the emperor, Jiang Qian stopped hiding away while working.
While Jiang Qian looked through memorials in the study, Lin Yuan would sit beside him silently. Lin Yuan sometimes practiced calligraphy like the original host, or read books on the couch, or slept.
Then, whenever it was time to eat, Lin Yuan would walk over and hug Jiang Qian from behind, kiss the side of the man’s neck, and say: “Don’t look anymore, let’s eat. You can work after eating.”
Facing Lin Yuan who was coaxing him, Jiang Qian was instantly subdued. He wanted to hug the other tightly, and love him closely.
But there were times when he had urgent matters to deal with, and Jiang Qian had to coax Lin Yuan to let Lin Yuan eat without him. The first time, Lin Yuan was coaxed successfully and agreed. Then Jiang Qian ended up skipping that meal.
The second time Jiang Qian coaxed him, Lin Yuan was not swayed. He refused to listen and walked over and tunneled under the table.
Jiang Qian was wondering what he was trying to do. He saw the noble, delicate little prince crouching in between his legs. The other’s bright apricot eyes tilted upwards to look at him. Lin Yuan’s eyelashes fluttered, and he looked like a soft, small animal.
His voice was soft and sweet, like sticky syrup: “Sir Jiang, do you still want this prince to help you at night?”
Lin Yuan raised his pale, slender fingers and touched a place that made Jiang Qian groan. He said meaningfully: “If you want it, then you have to behave and eat, okay?”
Jiang Qian stiffened. He didn’t expect his little prince to have such a naughty side. Obviously his little prince was as handsome and gentle as usual, but to Jiang Qian, he looked like an alluring spirit.
He pinched Lin Yuan’s supple cheek and smiled. Darkness like the night sky overflowed from his amber eyes: “This slave feels a little greedy, and wants to taste some sweetness in advance. Can the prince indulge in this slave? This slave is begging the prince…”
In the end, the urgent matter was delayed and their meal was also pushed back by an hour. The usual scent of paper and ink in the study was mixed with other smells.
After that, whenever Lin Yuan looked at that specific desk, his face would turn red. Jiang Qian would also tease his reaction when he saw it. Lin Yuan was teased until he almost ordered the servants to burn the table as firewood.
Only thanks to Jiang Qian’s coaxing did the table survive.
Like this, half a month passed, and then Jiang Qian began to frequently leave the mansion. He often wouldn't return for a few days each time. Lin Yuan couldn’t help, so he consoled himself by imagining that it was like his husband was going on business trips.
Jiang Qian never told Lin Yuan what he was doing. But sometimes when he returned, he carried the scent of blood. Only when he was back at Lin Yuan’s side did he feel like he returned to the world of the living.
The first time he killed someone, Jiang Qian’s hand shook uncontrollably and he almost dropped his sword. He stared at the lifeless body and couldn’t even blink his eyes.
He turned around and walked out of the cold, wet torture room, through the dark corridor, out of the imperial prison.
The moon shone high in the sky, and the morning dew began to form on the grass. This was Jinling’s unchanging autumn night.
Jiang Qian looked up at the silver moon. The darkness turned into shackles of death and hatred that enchained him, weighing as heavy as mountains. He was forced to carry this weight and step forward--step by step, until the day he buckled under the weight and was buried.
He raised his shaking hand. The hand was pale and white, and it looked weak and fragile.
This was the hand that had only held brushes and books. The hand that experienced days and nights of studying. The hand that won number one on the imperial examinations.
When Jiang Qian was young, he was determined to serve the court like his father and improve the lives of the common people. He read hundreds of books, and studied the principles of the sages. He aimed to be like a clear breeze--a pure, honest, unyielding figure in the world. All he asked for was the peace and security of the people, all he wanted was to leave a clean mark in history.
But his hand that used to wield a brush now wielded a weapon.
Instead of ink, his hands were stained with a human life.
The breeze was gone.
Jiang Qian looked at his clean hands in a daze. He seemed to see the dead man’s blood pooling across his fingers, and smelled the rusty and dirty odor.
He suddenly couldn’t endure staying any longer. He wanted to go back to Prince Chu’s mansion. He wanted to see Lin Yuan. He wanted his little prince…
At this time, Jiang Qian’s brain was a mess, and only the thought of seeing Lin Yuan was clear.
When he got back, Lin Yuan was still sleeping. Jiang Qian stepped into the bedroom and the warmth seemed to expel all the coldness inside him.
Jiang Qian opened the drape and looked down at Lin Yuan’s sleeping face.
Under the moonlight, light and darkness split Jiang Qian’s body in half. His amber eyes were almost pitch black, carrying the scenery of the half of the city that he galloped past to get home.
His little prince, his Sui Sui, looked more exquisite than all of the flowers in the garden combined when he was asleep. Jiang Qian’s heart calmed as he looked at his person, like a traveler finally returning to home.
“Sui Sui……”
Jiang Qian whispered this name with unmeasurable affection spilling from his lips.
Jiang Qian reached out his hand. Just as he was about to touch Lin Yuan’s face, he saw a streak of blood slithering onto the back of his hand.
Jiang Qian recoiled sharply like he was scalded. But when he looked again, his hand was clean, and there was no blood.
Jiang Qian closed his eyes and felt that he really was weak. He only killed a person and his mentality was collapsing. Compared to the emperor, who executed the entire Jiang family and could serenely sit on the throne and use him as a pawn, he was laughable.
Jiang Qian ah, Jiang Qian, don’t be stupid. Your books, your principles, your ambition are long gone, long gone……
When he thought like this, Jiang Qian could only sneer mockingly at himself and hatred suffocated his heart.
Hatred suffocated his reason and gentleness. Jiang Qian pinched Lin Yuan’s chin and kissed him fiercely like he wanted to eat the teenager into his stomach. He was rough and cruel, and plundered with only the thought of possession.
He tore off Lin Yuan’s clothes and touched the other with his dirtied hands without hesitation.
Lin Yuan’s sleep was disturbed and he woke up and was stunned. He was a little confused as to why his husband suddenly came back home and started kissing him so forcefully.
Although it was a little painful to be kissed this way, Lin Yuan didn’t feel angry. He looped his arms around Jiang Qian’s neck and responded to the kiss. During a short separation for breathing, he said nasally and softly: “Didn’t you say… it would take five days? How come you’re back after two days?”
As soon as Lin Yuan finished asking, he was silenced by Jiang Qian. The two of them rolled around and kissed for a long time.
One by one, Jiang Qian’s thorns were smoothed out by the teenager. He finally stopped and gazed at the teenager underneath him. The other’s clothes were practically shredded by him, and there were several blue fingerprints and red marks on the other’s pale skin.
Looking at Lin Yuan, Jiang Qian belatedly felt that he had gone too far. Although he could no longer protect the purity and kindness in his own self, how could he dirty Lin Yuan with those unclean matters?
He couldn’t.
Jiang Qian sat up and found a clean robe to put on Lin Yuan.
Lin Yuan blinked doubtfully and whispered to Jiang Qian: “You… do you not want to do that with me? Why are we putting on clothes?”
Jiang Qian did want to, but even more, he wanted to do it with Lin Yuan when he was no longer a criminal. He wanted to stand equally with Lin Yuan, and then do it when they were husband and husband.
Jiang Qian hugged Lin Yuan and gently combed through the teenager’s black hair. He said gently: “No hurry, wait a little longer…”
Lin Yuan couldn’t understand why Jiang Qian acted so fiercely but didn’t want to roll in the sheets. He pulled on the man’s clothes and said probingly: “Did something happen? Are you unhappy?”
Jiang Qian saw Lin Yuan’s worried eyes and swallowed down his lies. He whispered: “Sui Sui, I did something bad. I will continue to do bad things in the future. I know that one day I might become someone hateful and disgusting, but I can’t stop. At that time, will you… dislike me…”
Lin Yuan vaguely guessed what Jiang Qian meant. He kissed Jiang Qian and said: “I won’t. Jiang Qian, I’ll always like you, I promise. You don’t have to be afraid, I will accompany you for a lifetime…”
“Don’t be afraid, you have me…”
Jiang Qian didn’t know if it was true or false, but as long as Lin Yuan said so, he would believe it.
“En, you have to accompany me for a lifetime. You said we would grow old together…”
Jiang Qian’s voice lowered with unclear meaning: “Lin Yuan, you said you would never leave me…”
Once he believed it, he would not give Lin Yuan any chances to regret. He desired better status and more power. He wanted revenge. He wanted to keep Lin Yuan next to him for all of his life.
On Jiang Qian’s path of revenge, he only had Lin Yuan left.