Arc 8: Chapter 24 (end)
The word “okay” rolled back and forth on Jin Ran’s tongue, but he couldn’t make a sound, and it finally disappeared silently. The thought of not being able to see Lin Yuan or touch him seemed to drain the blood out of his body and fill it with immense fear. Numbing chills went down his spine and Jin Ran couldn’t help but hug Lin Yuan tightly.
Lin Yuan gently caressed the back of Jin Ran’s neck and said softly: “Jin Ran, you have to take this step. Even if I say I would stay with you for the rest of your life, would you believe me?”
Without waiting for Jin Ran’s reply, Lin Yuan continued: “You wouldn’t. You won’t believe it in ten years, or even after decades, or at the end of our lives. How can you believe anything, you don’t even believe in yourself.”
Lin Yuan wasn’t sure if he regretted completing the mission the way he did, personally pushing Jin Ran in the abyss. But for a person as obsessive as Jin Ran, the only thing that can change his obsessiveness was death. So Lin Yuan’s choice was the only solution.
The night Lin Yuan died, Jin Ran no longer worried about Lin Yuan hating him, because all of his fears were overshadowed by death. In the face of death, abandonment, deception, regret, love and hate all become insignificant.
Lin Yuan pecked Jin Ran’s cheek: “It’ll be okay. Ten minutes is shorter than you think, nothing will happen. Jin Ran, believe in yourself.”
He tried to warm the man’s cold body: “Believe me, Jin Ran is alive, and Lin Yuan is alive too.”
Eventually, Lin Yuan persuaded the other.
Every step Jin Ran took, he looked back. His fingertips trembled with a heart-wrenching sense of pain.
After Jin Ran entered the study, he slowly closed the door, completely shutting out the world. He fell to the ground with his head buried in his knees, looking as if he were dead.
Lin Yuan started the stopwatch on his phone. And the passing of every second was distinct.
At some point, Jin Ran couldn’t bear it any longer, feeling as if he would really die. He rushed downstairs in a panic and pounced on Lin Yuan. With his rapid and heavy breathing, he was almost like a drowning man in the ocean.
In the hug, Jin Ran greedily absorbed Lin Yuan’s scent and warmth. Lin Yuan stroked his back and looked down at his phone: 00:08:32.
Once Jin Ran calmed down, Lin Yuan showed him the screen: “It’s one minute and twenty-eight seconds off. Starting from now, you can’t touch me for one hour and twenty-eight minutes.”
Jin Ran was first surprised and then angry. He pinned Lin Yuan onto the sofa and kissed him hard, biting and sucking.
Lin Yuan stilled and didn’t respond, his eyes darkening. Seeing this, Jin Ran quickly became docile. He nestled in Lin Yuan’s arms like a tamed beast, giving a soft “en” in agreement.
Lin Yuan scratched his chin and thought for a long time to come up with a way to distract the man. He decided to order a pack of exquisite and beautiful looking diaries online.
Giving Jin Ran a random notebook, Lin Yuan ordered: “In the next ten minutes, if you’re having a hard time, just write my name on it. Or write whatever you want. I won’t read what you write, you can burn it or tear it up after you’re done, whatever you want.”
⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ୨୧ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅
Jin Ran sat slumped on the ground for two minutes, and then opened the notebook and slowly wrote down a word.
Rabbit.
At first, his handwriting was regular and sharp, but gradually became impatient and unreadable. Over time, at least three pages were torn off from excessive force.
Ten minutes later, Lin Yuan knocked on the door and called out: “Jin Ran, it’s time. Open the door.”
Jin Ran immediately dropped what he was holding, opened the door and hugged Lin Yuan. He murmured messily: “Rabbit, rabbit…”
⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ୨୧ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅
Lin Yuan integrated these ten minutes into Jin Ran’s day for the next week, repeating it multiple times each day.
Jin Ran experienced over one hundred disconnection sessions. When the ten minutes were up, he would always see Lin Yuan again, without fail.
During the last session, Jin Ran remained seated on the floor, but he wrote calmly in his diary.
On the page, the black characters represented Lin Yuan’s name.
Time was a powerful and incredible force.
In the eleventh month of Jin Ran’s vacation, he could spend a whole day in his study.
For the last month, Lin Yuan wanted Jin Ran to stay home while he went out.
Unsurprisingly, Jin Ran refused. So Lin Yuan made them sleep in separate rooms.
Before a week was up, Jin Ran changed his tune and agreed to Lin Yuan’s idea.
When Lin Yuan stepped outside, he first breathed in a satisfying breath of fresh air. He chose a random direction and began to walk. The whole time, he was on the phone with Jin Ran: “Jin Ran, the weather outside is great today. The sky is blue and clear, although the temperature is a little hot…”
Jin Ran was standing by the window, looking down at the street. However, no matter how much he squinted, he couldn’t see Lin Yuan. Reluctantly, he tilted his head and looked up at the sky.
True… it was very blue.
Jin Ran opened the window, and a blast of hot wind hit him in the face. The temperature outside was really hot.
Lin Yuan chatted on, bouncing like sweet jelly: “I tried to sit on a bench for a bit, but it was so hot it burned my butt!”
Jin Ran reached out and touched the metal window frame that had been exposed to the sun for a long time, and his fingers retracted from the scaling heat.
For the first try, Lin Yuan stayed outside for only half an hour.
When he returned, Jin Ran held him tightly in his embrace as usual.
Lin Yuan only went out once a day, extending the time outside gradually.
A few days later, Lin Yuan swallowed the ice cream in his hand and asked Jin Ran on the phone: “This chocolate ice cream is delicious. What flavor do you want? There’s blueberry, vanilla…”
Jin Ran stood in front of the window, looking over the city and nodded: “Blueberry is fine. But I also want to try chocolate. Come back soon, I want to kiss you…”
Lin Yuan blushed lightly and said sweetly: “Okay~ I’ll go back in five minutes.”
Later when Lin Yuan went out, he stopped picking up Jin Ran’s calls but shortened the time he spent outside.
Jin Ran went from constantly making phone calls to not making a single call. He clutched his notebook, sometimes writing something, sometimes blankly staring at the door.
Summer passed and autumn danced away, giving the stage to winter.
On the day that he “died”, Lin Yuan went out after breakfast.
Jin Ran spent the next two hours in the house, feeling more anxious and restless than usual. Finally, he walked to the study and opened the diaries he had hid behind the bookshelf.
The first one had Lin Yuan’s name written all over.
Lin yuan, Lin Sui, Rabbit, Sui Sui
The second book contained Lin Yuan’s name and more complex phrases.
I like Lin Yuan
The third diary had the messiest handwriting, with characters overlapping each other.
Lin Yuan is alive
The fourth book was similar to the third, except the handwriting was a bit neater.
Lin Yuan is still alive
Jin Ran relied on reading these diaries and told himself over and over again that Lin Yuan would come back soon.
At six o’clock, Lin Yuan took out his phone and dialed his only contact.
The call was connected immediately, but the other side only let out rapid gasps.
After a bit, Jin Ran asked in a hoarse voice: “Is it you?”
Lin Yuan hummed softly: “Jin Ran, it’s me. I’m going home now, wait for me to come home.”
Jin Ran’s voice choked with sobs, making Lin Yuan’s heart ache: “Yes, I’ll wait for you to come home.”
Lin Yuan was actually very close. It took only a few minutes for him to run back to the house to see his husband.
As soon as Lin Yuan opened the door, Jin Ran pulled him into his arms. Before Lin Yuan could speak, Jin Ran bit down hard on his shoulder. Lin Yuan winced silently, but he didn’t move.
When Jin Ran smelled blood, it was like a trigger that made him loosen his teeth. As if he had lost all of his support, he collapsed. Lin Yuan quickly hugged him, and the two knelt on the ground.
Jin Ran’s voice trembled with endless grievances: “Lin Yuan, you’re finally back. I waited for you for so long, but you didn’t come back…”
Lin Yuan’s eyes reddened and he wiped Jin Ran’s tears: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it was all my fault. I’ll never make you wait for me again, I promise.”
Jin Ran finally could see and believe clearly that Lin Yuan was alive right before his eyes. The fact that Lin Yuan was alive was like a magnificent miracle even brighter than any brilliant star.
Jin Ran cupped Lin Yuan’s slightly cool face. His bloodshot eyes no longer were repressed by pain and despair, but burned with embers of warmth. He spoke softly, his voice gentle like a blooming flower: “I love you…”
Lin Yuan broke into the widest smile he had ever shown. He squeezed the man’s fingers and said back softly: “I know, I love you too…”