Arc 5: Chapter 22
Before Lin Yuan could think about why Yu Sui’an suddenly came back, the hand that was covering his mouth tightened its hold, cold fingers forcefully gripping his face, as if trying to embed itself into his flesh and bone.
It hurt. It really, really hurt.
But Lin Yuan didn’t resist at all, only the slight faster blinking and wet eyes revealed some abnormality. He was malleable and obedient, the kind that willingly laid himself in Yu Sui’an’s grasp to be played with and ravaged.
Yu Sui’an’s scarlet eyes were completely darkened, and his face was pale as if he was completely devoid of life.
His beautiful features were completely enveloped by oppressive shadows, with a sense of bleak beauty that seemed sad and fragile.
Chilly, soft lips pressed against Lin Yuan’s ear again and again. Yu Sui’an’s voice was low and mumbled, like a pained whisper during a nightmare: “Why…”
“Why can’t you keep your promise?”
“Sui Sui, did you forget? You must have forgotten.”
Yu Sui’an’s body shuddered as a terrifying fear pierced his body like a sword, tinged with suffocating despair that chilled his entire being.
Yu Sui’an’s kisses gradually weakened, and even his arms around Lin Yuan began to tremble, as if the youth he kissed and embraced was not the soft and pure Lin Yuan, but the very source of his deepest, inescapable nightmare.
“You... you said it yourself…”
“Sui Sui said... said you’d be good, that you wouldn’t think about anyone else, wouldn’t... wouldn’t do anything else…”
【Di! Please pay attention host, the villain Yu Sui’an’s blackening value has risen to 83%;】
Yu Sui’an gasped painfully, and his eyes were as red as if soaked in blood. The knuckles around Lin Yuan’s ams were already bone-like white.
“You... you promised, and even signed your name. So why... why didn’t you keep your word?”
“Is Xie Hanzhou... really that good? Is he... really that good?”
Yu Sui’an’s vision blurred, and endless pain and bone-deep fear seemed to color his body with shadows and darkness.
“Lin... Lin Yuan, in your heart, is Xie Hanzhou... really that good?”
“Just a word from him... and you left…”
【Di! Please pay attention host, the villain Yu Sui’an’s blackening value has risen to 91%.】
“What about me?” Yu Sui’an asked desperately, and his voice weakened: “Am I really... really that bad? Am I really... not even a little bit worthy?”
Lin Yuan had stayed silent and still this whole time, knowing that Yu Sui’an had lost control, as if he was a moth flying into the fire, wanting to destroy everything.
But these sorrowful words, like the cries of a lonely ghost, made Lin Yuan unable to stay silent anymore.
Lin Yuan easily broke free of Yu Sui’an’s shaking body. Without Lin Yuan’s support, it was as if Yu Sui’an’s own skeleton had been pulled out of his body, leaving only decay and emptiness, and he collapsed down to the ground.
Lin Yuan scrambled to catch him, both of them falling.
Lying underneath Lin Yuan, Yu Sui’an’s face was deathly pale, his black hair scattered all around on the grass and his eyes red and bloodshot. He gazed up at Lin Yuan and voiced hoarsely: “...Lin Yuan… am I really not even a little bit worthy?”
For the first time, Lin Yuan felt as if he could see Yu Sui’an true soul, fearful and insecure.
In reality, Yu Sui'an had nothing connecting him to the world. Even a flower or a blade of grass had roots, but he had nothing.
His entire existence was just something that was cast aside, something that was rejected.
Lin Yuan felt as if his heart was being squeezed. He carefully gathered the strands of inky hair on the grass, his voice warm and soothing: “No, you are. In my heart, you are the best. Both of you are.”
“Yu Sui’an, you and Xie Hanzhou are one of the same. No matter how the world judges you, in my heart, both of you are the same.”
“You are not bad at all, there is nothing bad about you.”
Lin Yuan was afraid of triggering Yu Sui’an’s fear by touching him, but he had no other way, he wanted to help him.
He wanted to show that everything he said was true.
Lin Yuan leaned down, resting his forehead against Yu Sui’an’s that was damp with cold sweat. He spoke even softer: “Yu Sui’an, don’t be afraid. I’ll never leave you or hurt you. I just want to kiss and hug you, so don’t be afraid. Everything’s okay, believe me…”
The youth’s voice was light and soft, like a marshmallow offered to Yu Sui’an’s lips. Yu Sui’an only needed to accept it, and he could taste the sweetness he had longed for.
Lin Yuan kissed his eyes, and then his nose, and finally placed a feather-light kiss on his lips.
These gentle kisses weren’t really kisses, they were more like warm and affectionate gestures of comfort.
Yu Sui’an’s gaze was slightly blank. His vision was so unfocused he barely see Lin Yuan, but he could feel him clearly. He felt the soft kisses, like petals falling on his face, and thought to himself that he might be having a beautiful dream, one of blooming flowers and warm sunshine.
Yes, because Lin Yuan was there, the world in front of his eyes became beautiful.
But behind him… was the ruined Northern Frost Region, filled a sea of corpses and a mountain of bones, and there were countless hands wanted to pull him back to the city.
Yu Sui’an wished he couldn’t see the big and small hands that climbed onto his legs. He wished he couldn’t hear the cries and howls of people dying in his ear.
They screamed with resentment and sorrow: “Why?!”
“Why are you the only one who survived?”
“Why did we all die?”
“What did you do? What did you do to survive?”
When Lin Yuan touched him, it was if the door to hell had been unlocked. Arms from hell’s depth elongated frantically, draping themselves over his shoulders. A familiar voice, low and demonic, laughed in his ear: “Does it taste good?”
Yu Sui'an's trembling body suddenly stiffened, as if he had turned into a rigid, lifeless corpse. He felt as if his abdomen had been gutted open, exposing every shadow and inch of darkness of his being.
The demon kept laughing: “Is it delicious? It’s been so long since I’ve tasted meat this good. It’s so fragrant, so fragrant!”
Yu Sui'an wanted to shake his head, to deny it and resist, but this voice had long intertwined with with his flesh and bones. It had penetrated his marrow and seeped into his spirit.
The demon’s taunts tore apart Yu Sui’an’s battered body, baring his wounds that would never heal.
【Di! Dangerous risk alert!! Please pay attention host!! The villain’s blackening value has risen to 99.999%, a very high-risk number! Please eliminate the blackening value and resolve the crisis! 】
Hearing the system prompt, Lin Yuan hurriedly moved away from Yu Sui’an, not daring to touch the man at all. He wanted to do something, but there was nothing he could do. Lin Yuan stared helplessly at Yu Sui’an as the man was tormented by pain, powerless.
Behind him, a figure approached silently with flowing white robes. Xie Hanzhou’s cold and indifferent voice sounded: “Leave him be, he won’t die. He’s always lived like this.”
Yu Sui’an and Xie Hanzhou have both always lived like this.
Only towards Yu Sui’an was Xie Hanzhou no longer lofty and detached, he spoke sharply and even carried a stinging edge.
Even if the speaker was his husband, Lin Yuan was still angered by these words. He turned around and wanted to retort when he saw Xie Hanzhou’s eyes.
Xie Hanzhou looked at Yu Sui’an like a frozen lake, icy water that was cold and lifeless, but mirrored everything.
For a moment, Lin Yuan seemed to see Xie Hanzhou in the same state as Yu Sui'an, lying on the ground in anguish and despair. In the three hundred years before Yu Sui'an appeared, all of the pain and torment had belonged to Xie Hanzhou.
Lin Yuan's eyes soured, and tears rolled down his face in large drops uncontrollably. His voice broke as he cried: “…Master…”
When Xie Hanzhou saw his little disciple suddenly break down into tears, he sighed helplessly. With a wave of his hand, Yu Sui'an fell unconscious.
“At least for now, he won’t feel any pain.”
Xie Hanzhou squatted down next to his sobbing little apprentice and stretched out his hand to wipe Lin Yuan’s tears, and said gently: “Don’t cry anymore.”
Lin Yuan looked up at him with wet cheeks and eyes full of worry and helplessness and even a hint of mania. He grabbed Xie Hanzhou’s sleeve tightly.
“Master…”
“Why is Yu Sui’an in so much pain? You know right? Xie Hanzhou, I’m begging you, can you tell me?”