Paul Foley: In Lieu of a Funeral, Traditional Facts, and Flowers

A Funeral

Paul liked to do things his own way, so he wouldn’t want a traditional obituary or funeral. What he really wanted was a Viking funeral pyre with me using my old archery equipment to shoot the flaming arrow. For many reasons, I declined. Repeatedly. We will plan a celebration or remembrance of life when the weather is warmer. He was not a great fan of winter.

Traditional Facts

If you knew Paul, you likely know the facts: When and where he was born, his Marine Corps service, his education, his work, the list of family and friends whose lives are quieter and less colorful without him. While those facts shaped who he was, it was the everyday thoughts and actions that gave a glimpse into what made him uniquely Paul. 

In no particular order…

Between 2012 and late 2025, Paul went to at least 200 concerts (mostly with Matt) with more than 600 individual sets/bands. He loved live music from the local metal scene to festivals to stadiums to the symphony. He bought a t-shirt at the majority of concerts… So many t-shirts. He particularly loved it when bands had shirts in colors other than the cliché black. He and Matt often bought the same t-shirt, and they’d have to check with each other to make sure they didn’t wear the same “outfit.” And Paul was the only guy wearing Crocs at the metal shows.

He had more listening minutes than over 92% of other Spotify users in the US. He had liked 5,942 songs, and he had 1,396 on his Neue Playlist (neue is German for new). In total he had almost 200 playlists with close to 30,000 songs.

He got his dream DW drum kit in 2023, with the satin special cherry burst finish. He loved to “make some noise.” He also made beautiful noise with the marimba, keyboard, saxophone, steel drum, and conga drums. In the absence of instruments, he made noise on tables, desks, the steering wheel, his chest, or really anything within reach.

Paul was a hands-on, fun and games dad with our sons, Caelan, Liam, and Quinlan… Going to their games and concerts, coaching soccer, joining them in taekwondo and later boxing, getting involved with scouts (often leading backpacking trips), acting as gym leader for a Pokémon league or Dungeon Master for D&D, playing Magic the Gathering, taking part in many board and video games, going to the range, rockhounding, getting outdoors, working out, and whatever else they might be interested in.  And when they were younger, he put them to bed with a famed “super tuck.”   

He wasn't a fan of pants. Cargo shorts were his jam, even in winter.

In the last 25 years, we visited dozens upon dozens of local, state, and national parks for hiking, camping, backpacking, climbing, biking, birding, stargazing, paddleboarding, and more. Those were many of our best times, and he especially loved Pennsylvania.

He thought great things came out of Minnesota… Childhood vacations at the Tipcke farm, tater tot hotdish, and the Comstocks.

He would have liked to have seen Montana, in part because of The Hunt for Red October and in part to fly fish the Blackfoot River from A River Runs through It.

He kept a paperback dictionary from 1992, eventually adding duct tape down the spine to hold it together. Every time he looked up a word, he marked a dot next to the entry.

His first two Wordle guesses were usually pious and break. He was going for those vowels, but what a choice in consonants. And he was fond of many features of the New York Times.

Paul enjoyed game nights with family or friends... Some of the greatest were the game nights where we didn't actually play a single game, but talked all night, commiserating, laughing, enjoying each other's company, or when we'd play "no thinking" games after being thoroughly hydrated. 

After decades of indecision, he got a tattoo in 2022, an octopus. He’d read The Soul of an Octopus and had seen My Octopus Teacher. He would no longer eat calamari.

Paul did love food, and he was down for anything, from Indian, German, and Thai to food trucks, fast food, and familiar comforts. He’d never turn down a five-way and a cheese coney everything from Skyline with a Mountain Dew. Waffle House or White Castle were go-to spots to discuss “band of the night” after concerts. He also liked trying recipes at home, and he introduced several people to shrimp boils.

He often liked to be surprised or find out he was wrong. The Toledo area he once dismissed as “having only five feet of elevation change so you can’t get good hiking” became a favorite and regular getaway. The Eagle Falls trail was “just 1.6 miles,” but it turned into an adventure after elevation changes, a detour due to flooding, and a Romancing the Stone-style slide down a hill before reaching the roaring falls. And contrary to his first impression, Seabiscuit was not “a stupid horse movie.” He ended up reading the book.

And while he loved reading and was continually bringing home books from the library, Paul definitely got in his screen time, typically while tapping away on his practice pad. From 2014 onward, he had over 3,000 entries in his Netflix viewing history… Variations of Star Trek, Peaky Blinders, Supernatural, Sherlock Holmes, Futurama, Midsomer Murders, Naruto, and on and on. This doesn’t include other streaming or movies like The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Flash Gordon, The Shawshank Redemption, The Princess Bride, Edge of Tomorrow, Dune (1984), Groundhog Day, A Fish Called Wanda, This Is Spin̈al Tap, and anything with Steve Martin.

We considered Resident Alien and Schitt’s Creek to be our top two feel-good series. These stories resonated with Paul…  Stories about outsiders finding community, where humor is rooted in kindness, differences are embraced, and the underlying belief is that people can grow and belong. He loved Moira Rose the most, and she would say that at times he acted like a disgruntled pelican or a bashful clam.

He stayed informed, and he voted. Bernie was his dude.

He loved the work of Frank Frazetta, “the Godfather of fantasy art.”

He had newspaper editions or clippings saved of the Reds’ sweep of the World Series (1990) and of the deaths of Freddie Mercury (1991) and Frank Zappa (1993). He made sure to get the Neil Peart edition of Modern Drummer’s Legends series.

He yelled at the TV during sports, and picked up quickly on plays… Pick-six! Flea flicker! Get down ball, get down ball, get down! Are you kidding me?! Those are the G-rated outbursts.

Paul rooted for the Reds, the Bengals, and the All Blacks, and always for the underdog.

In Lieu of Flowers

If you would like to remember or honor Paul, know that he would say, “You do you.” He wouldn’t want you to do what he did. He would want you to find the soundtrack to your life and keep adding new songs to it.  And in the spirit of The Shawshank Redemption, Paul would want you to get busy living.

You’re welcome to spend some time with Paul in pictures and sound...