There are so many websites, books, and products offering different ideas about discipline that it can feel overwhelming.
When you're trying to address your child's behavior problems, it's important to seek credible information that's based on the best parenting strategies.
To help you get answers about which discipline strategies work best, 10 parenting experts offered their most important parenting tips. Here's what they had to say:
It's OK for Your Child to Be Mad at You
“Be a parent, not a friend. This means you cannot be afraid to be the bad guy. Your child might be angry with you sometimes. Deal with it. The alternative is having an obnoxious kid. Let him fail sometimes. If you don’t, how do you expect him to ever learn how to cope with life’s ups and downs? Nobody is successful at everything. Sometimes, you have to fail in order to succeed.”
Lori Freson, Licensed Marriage, and Family Therapist
Treat Your Child With Respect
“Do not name call or hit: Kids learn from you, being abusive or hitting just teaches them to handle conflict with aggression and meanness. If you feel super angry in the moment, take a time out and walk away, come back later and have a plan for discipline. If you lose your cool, explain that you did and make clear you wish you had not. A firm and even angry but measured tone is much more effective than sounding out of control and vindictive.”
Dr. Gail Saltz, Psychiatrist, Psychoanalyst, Bestselling Author, and Television Commentator
“Once your child hits the teen years, don't get lost in the details by focusing too much on the day to day behaviors and moods of your child. At this point, frequently remind yourself that your teenager will soon be able to leave the house and will have the power to decide how emotionally connected he or she wants to remain with you for the rest of your lives. The more you focus on building a democratic relationship during the teen years, the more your soon-to-be grown child will like and appreciate you for years to come.”
Seth Meyers, Psychologist
Give Effective Instructions
“If you have to tell your child the same thing repeatedly before they respond, then you are training them to ignore you.”
David Johnson, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
"Use natural consequences if possible. Parents may feel they have to punish kids for mistakes or misbehavior rather than letting real-life take its course. If your child refuses to put on his coat, let him get cold. If he fails to clean his room, let his toys get lost. It’s tempting to engineer other consequences, like taking away video games or TV time, because we don’t always trust that natural consequences will work. But over time they do have a way of shaping behavior."
Heidi Smith Luedtke, Personality Psychologist and Author of "Detachment Parenting: 33 Ways to Keep Your Cool When Kids Melt Down"
"Problem-solving is what must replace punishment in order to develop responsible, respectful behavior in children and adults. Punishment is a coercive manipulative tactic used to get children to do what we want. It does nothing to develop character and empathy. In fact, it is what is part of creating bullies. Children do not learn through fear and force. Their unacceptable behavior is meant to tell us that they are having a problem, not being a problem."
Bonnie Harris, Parenting Educator and Director of Connective Parenting
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