Parenting for a Caring World
Your resource for CARE Parenting
(Conscious, Attuned, Responsive and Empathetic)
(We appreciate your patience while this website is under re-construction with a new web host. Am trying to make the links work and to align things so they'll look right on cell phones AND on PCs.
"Secure Babies Strong Children Successful Adults"
"All I Want is You"
Please watch the video that matches the first minute of this song on the Home page, and then return to this page. I suggest you also read the paragraphs that precede and follow the video, beginning with the question "Is it really so bad to let a baby cry for a little while?" and ending with "Did you know???"
You can listen to and download the entire song towards the bottom of this page.
But first, some food for thought: Does the baby below look like he's learning to become confident and "independent" by being left alone to "cry it out"? This is what mainstream American "experts" have been telling parents to do for decades...But many other professionals, including myself, strongly disagree.
We think he's learning that his parents don't care about his needs and feelings, that they don't care that he's scared to be left alone. We also think he's also learning that he's powerless, that he can't get what he needs from the world, no matter how hard he tries to get his parents to come back for him.
If you're still not convinced that crying is something we should respond to, with sensitivity and love, imagine this scenario:
You just walked in on your best friend crying. Would you say: "Whoa! You need to learn to self-soothe and become independent! I'll catch you later" And then turn around and walk out?
No, you wouldn't, because you're not a heartless person, and you know that your friend would feel betrayed and hurt by your lack of caring and support. It would probably cause serious and permanent damage to the relationship, including an erosion of trust.
So why do we do exactly this to our vulnerable little babies, when they don't have the coping skills that we adults have? They haven't achieved the cognitive development required to be able to "self-soothe." If they don't get the comfort and support they need from us, they can't pick up the phone and call a friend. They can't walk out the door and join a support group. They are left alone to cry uncomforted till they fall asleep from exhaustion, with their little brains all bathed in toxic stress chemicals. Besides being a cruel thing to do tho babies, the research indicates that many experiences of "crying it out" can have long-term negative consequences. Their brains do not develop as they should, their anti-anxiety systems are damaged, and they will be at higher risk for depression, addictions, anxiety, high blood pressure and other physical and psychological problems.
I decided to make this song available to all who appreciate the beauty of the song and its message. You can listen to it here, download it to your Google Drive account, and/or share it with any and all who would benefit from its message that babies being left alone to cry uncomforted, or who are "sleep-trained" with "controlled crying/spaced soothing" techniques do NOT learn to "self-soothe" or become "independent." They learn that they are powerless, that they can't get what they need from the world, including their parents. This "learned helplessness" will predispose them to later depression and other problems. They learn they can't trust their parents to be there for them consistently, and this lack of trust will inevitably damage their sense of securitye and their future relationships, with their parents and others.
01 - All I Want Is You (2).mp3If you value the song and would also like to support my mission of promoting responsive, empathetic, respectful and attuned parenting, and helping to prevent serious societal problems such as addictions, bullying, depression, coporate sociopathy and child abuse, please send a donation/love gift in an amount of your choosing to Parenting for a Caring World at https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=V64MCF6UBNMYG. You will be given a choice of having your funds come from your PayPal, Venmo, debit card or credit card accounts. Thank you!!
Help spread the word about comforting babies! Tell your friends about our YouTube video!
Also tell them they can download the song here!
© McCarthy 2011