The Ocean View

As vast and broad the horizon can go, I stared, as the sun reflects upon itself on the water once again.

 I wonder how humans ever thought the world was ever flat, if you stared on the horizon between sky and ocean long enough you’d see and arch. But the human eye is shallow and short sighted, they never looked at the whole earth. They had to take themselves to the sky once to see that our world is rounded when they could’ve just looked hard enough. 

A boat rowed slowly, the water was tranquil, a small moment of stillness, the lack of turbulence. Silence near the sea. 

I found myself fond of the ocean after every encounter with that boy. 

It was the morning of July 4th 2021 and I had not met him after so long. I could sleep early like there were a chance to dream of him, but the rest I take every night is short and I grew weary of the day.

Even so me and my family decided to go on a trip to Puerto Princesa, their friends brought us to boat towards a familiar sandbar but as it seems it started to rain. 

It might’ve been cold at every drop of the rain but I thought of it as a beautiful thing that happened. Rain near the sea, I once said these were the two things I wish least will happen to me, yet I kept still, smiling with the presence of such. 

Out of much joy I wanted to go in front of the boat to embrace the falling rain, but I didn’t, I never got to do so. Because I  had fear, fear of them seeing me enjoy a weather they considered “misfortunate.” 

They all could throw insults about how the rain ruined their day and their yells would silence the joy I felt when the skies poured.

They would never know.

☆☆☆

Land ahoy! 

The rain have stopped and the sun was peaking through the blanket of clouds. I rub my hand against my damped yellow jacket. 

“My sketchbook is wet.” I checked through the pages, the ink spreading across, turning the picture rather disfigured. But I paid no mind to it for its just a little cost of my time on earth, those drawings were quite pessimistic anyways. I could draw many more better pictures in the future. 

Thought I as I place the sketchbook back in the corners of my bag, rushingly preparing to swim in the sea. 

Engulfing my legs was water of salt, reminded me quite well when the sea once cooled the sand of the beach me and the boy walked on. I miss him dearly. It’s been quite some time haven’t it?

☆☆☆

Loss after loss, even after being recruited to a team of the most athletic kids I always seem to lead us to the loss of our victory. 

We were playing the game, Patentero. The objective of the game is to reach the end of the trail, outlined in the sand. The team will try to run and dodge their opponents as they go through each of them layer by layer. 

Meanwhile the opposing team’s objective is to guard the trail in their respective areas, much like a blocker in a game of volleyball, or a fence wall for the thieves.

I was on the team that was supposed to run through the blockers, but as it seem I keep getting caught. I can’t dodge them at all! It was terribly embarrassing. I couldn’t move through the sand as well as the others. I wish to just drop the game and return to my little corner to go shell collecting. 

“I’ll handle this one.” He said, this was the boy that leads our team, he picked me to join his team for some odd reason. Maybe it was out of pity or embarrassment but all I know is that a little bit of my dignity was saved, along that, my stamina. 

He dashed! Twisting and turning at his every step, confusing the opposing team! But amongst all the blockers one was a careful one, that blocker was at the very last end of the finish line, he observed his every move as he passes through his teammates. 

Left, right, no! 

He goes back and forth in position. The blocker deduced he would go left as they stared at each other. 

Another dash! The blocker went left but the leader went right and with that he crosses the finish line and we won the match for this round.

Soon everyone was exhausted, with all that physical activity along with the sun so high up this noon, everyone decided it was time to take a dip in the water to cool off. 

I returned to my own corner and scouted for more starfish and seashells, my mind goes back and forth among the waves. “How fun it would be if that boy was here. Maybe I should sleep early tonight. Oh, but considering how my parent’s friends are they’ll probably drink all the way through midnight and I wont be able to sleep in my bed.”

It’s been quite awhile since I dreamt of something, and if i did I would’ve forgot as  soon as morning came along, greeting my bed.

The silence was nice, just me, no other people. It wasn’t loud as it have been when we were playing the game. I wish the silence would last longer. 

Maybe we need more of nighttime. If there was more time in the night people will get the rest they all deserved, they get to dream a little longer too. If there were a planet with much hours like that, the noise would tone down, the world will be quiet, in slumber. 

Then maybe in that planet where the nights are longer and daylight is short, people would be at peace and they wouldn't be in so much fatigue. They would rather take life slower, they’d stop their walk to work just to squat down and gaze at pretty flowers, maybe more people will then paint. If the world only had that much patience, then I would be happier. I would like to live in a world such as that, maybe the boy would love to as well. 

“Kain na kayo!” One of the adults yelled from a distance, it seems that they’ve finished barbecuing.

 I rose from my little idle corner and took another look at the sunny landscape. A boy with blonde hair stood facing away from me not so far away, his light blazer swaying softly as the sea breeze blew by. 

He walked a bit around the white sands of this little rising island, still he did not look back, it might’ve been because he was too preoccupied playing with a skedaddling crab. 

I could only close my eyes and continue to walk towards our feast. “God I wished I ran after you.” Should I have skipped lunch to see the view you so adore, should I have not walked back? Maybe my mind and body must have split, they crave of different things. The hunger of the mind was far off from what my body wanted, so it turned and left and smiled.

“Amen.” we then ate. Filling our guts, satisfying our physical bodies’ needs.

 I frowned. 

Almost home

My body sways awkwardly along the song they blast through the speakers. I walked toward the front of the boat, the clear water was turning colorless as it originally were. Some kids were laughing to their own jokes and the adults were toasting to their beer, and I stood at front of the boat with not much things to say to them. 

It felt just like being caged in my own amber, I look through my windows and I’d see a world alive. But time have stopped for me long ago, and all I could do is exist as a fossil encaged in amber. That is the state of my reality.

Long long ago I was once a child.

Long long ago I was once alive.

It rained of golden resin one night, it rained so much it floods. I soon drowned in them and I was soon covered by the earth. 

I didn’t know of anything. Where was I? What happened? What do I look like? What color could be seen out of me? 

I know none of it, only that of the dark blanket of earth which engulfs me. But that is until a hand uncovered me from the soil and I got to see the light of day. 

“It’s a golden amber!”

 They yelled, and then I finally got to know what I look like, they took me and carried me with the very hands they buried me out of. 

I saw a new age, and I feel paralyzed because of it. Everything goes by fast. One moment a mighty boulder would stand before you and then the next thing you know is that you are looking at fine grain sand. 

Maybe it was because I saw it all through a car’s window and I never really gotten to take in the view of the paddy fields. But why would it matter, as long as i’m out and beautiful and golden, I don’t need to resume time.

Have I really grown? Like a fossil trapped in amber I was still a sad little child trapped in a growing body. It was sad, I thought it’s been years passed since I’ve come to accept this, but as it turns I’m still upset of it. 

It’s my own sorrow, maybe I’m just too sentimentally attached to a time I have no clear memories of, maybe thats the point of it, I have no knowledge of the world, I’m just a kid and nothing bad has happened to me, and I wouldn’t know if it did. 

The sun grew a bit darker. I don’t know why I have these thoughts, was it because I once saw new life move in time, was it because I’m lonely? Time is infinitely larger than us, and one trait I have similar to humanity is their  desire to stop it, or go back to it, or move towards it. 

One may want to move forward in time to leave their past behind, to forget it all and progress as a new being, in hopes of forgetting it all. One may want to go back in time as to relive experiences like it was the first, and to be what they used to be. One may wish to stop time in fear of changing into a stranger they no longer knew, we grow old and we grow wrinkles and we die. 

Change is frightening as much as the dark, sea, or rain was to me, never could you be the same thing as you used to be. 

Growth, although frightening, it is good, everyone must grow to live, but growth is the outcome of change, and when we finish growing up we die. 

Dying to others may be their greatest fear, and that is why they wish to manipulate time, but my fear of time goes beyond than a coffin and a grave, I can’t quite explain it but maybe it’s the fear of not making enough memories, fear that I did not make use of my time better. 

I see now, death is the greatest fear for those who fear of outcome or leaving the past, while fear of regretting is for those who live in the present, they are afraid that what they are doing won’t be worth and they are loosing time. 

Life is so is temporary, yet we dread it.

Maybe the best way to make less regrets is to not think of the outcome of living. I would always think if what I have done is worth of my time in earth.

It should be, it must be.

Golden Waters

The sun was hanging low in the tides, the warm lit waters shining upon the rocking of the boat. I could still remember every sunset clearly. I remember seeing golden hour embracing the earth as we went rolling down the road with our bikes, our figures tracing in the light of wind. What a fond thing to think of.

“Let’s go now.” My sister called as she guided me to a canoe. I turned to her with a nod and settled at the front. My legs folded close to my chest as the itchy anahaw palm leaves  lightly lay on top of my feet. 

The boat men started to drag the canoe along the water, striding with ease. It was time to go home.

Golden waters, it is flowing with magnificence. As my parents were left on the sand bar island I thought of how many more magnificent sunsets they’ll miss without me. 

They’re left at their age, while I move on. As I write I thought of how will I mourn for them. Will I regret that I couldn’t really find the courage in me to say that I love them?

Maybe it’s a little more beautiful, that they're left at the age they're in, in that sandbar. They get to really see what a dimming sunset is, as the canoe face its back. 

I trace the ripples of water, the golden light really seemed to be dancing, even the seaweed underwater seemed to be dancing. They sway altogether, there were barely any waves, but when there were we would be ushered to move forward, I can’t help but laugh honestly. Such force of nature going in a single direction. 

To bring me back home.