Phil-Am Golf Association

Joke 1 : Jack had a GF Problem

Joke 2 : I can explain

Joke 3 : T'was a long time ago

Joke 4 : Oh! Jesus!

Joke 5 : Where the Hell have you been?

Joke 6 : Marital Misunderstanding

Joke 7 : Warning to Male Golfers

Joke 1 : Jack had a GF Problem

Jack had a problem. With three girlfriends on the go. He decided he would give each a test to prove their true love.

He gave each $10,000 which they could spend how they wanted to prove their love for him as his future wife.

First girlfriend showed up with a new golf cart, new clubs, new golf golf clothes and a fully paid membership of the local exclusive club.

"I know that you love golf and that is your passion"

He was truly impressed.

The second girlfriend arrived after spending the money to make herself absolutely gorgeous.

"I know you take great pride in how you present yourself in public and I wanted you to be proud of me as your partner by your side"

Again he was overwhelmed by her beauty and impressed by her decision.

The third girlfriend showed up and handed the $10,000

back informing him that she had invested in the stock market and that she was so successful she had also started a joint account so money would never be a problem.

Again he felt overwhelmed and extremely impressed by her honesty and thoughtfulness.

The question is. Which girlfriend did he marry? (Click the down arrow on your right)

who else? The one with the biggest ...

Joke 2 : I can explain

He’s on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it, but as he is about to shoot when he hears, “Ribbit, 9 Iron.”

The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone – just the frog.

Again, he hears, “Ribbit, 9 Iron.”

He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, so puts the club away, and grabs his 9 iron.

He’s both pleased and shocked, so he says to the frog, “Wow that’s amazing. You must be a lucky frog, right?

The frog replies, “Ribbit, lucky frog.”

So the man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.

“What do you think frog?” the man asks.

“Ribbit, 3 wood,” the frog replies.

The guy takes out a 3 wood and, boom, a hole-in-one.

The man is ecstatic and befuddled and doesn’t know what to say or think.

By the end of the round the man, thanks to the frog’s advice, had shot the best round of his life, so he asks the frog, “OK my little green friend, what’s next?”

The frog replies, “Ribbit, Las Vegas.”

So off they go to Las Vegas.

The man guy says, “OK Froggy, now what?”

The frog replies, “Ribbit, roulette table.”

Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, “What do you think I should bet?”

The frog replies, “Ribbit, $30,000, Number 6.”

Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the best golf game of his life the man figures, “What the Hell!” So he nervously places a $30,000 bet on number 6, as the frog had instructed.

The croupier spins the wheel, and Boom, the little white ball drops into the slot for number 6.

The man and the other players go crazy, because he had just won a whopping $1,080,000.

The man takes his winnings and checks-in to the Bellagio’s Presidential Suite.

I am truly forever in your debt. How can I ever possibly repay you?”

The frog replies, “Ribbit, Kiss me!”

The extremely grateful, and now rich, man figures, “Why the Hell not?

So he gives his new green best friend a kiss, and Boom, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

“And that, Your Honor, so help me God, is how that young girl ended up in my hotel room!”

Joke 3 : T'was a long time ago

A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, “Of course.” To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. He doesn’t hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time.

When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, “You know, when I was your age, I’d hit the ball right over that tree.” With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started.

“Of course,” says the old man, “when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.”

Joke 4 : Oh! Jesus!

Jesus and Moses are playing golf in Heaven when they come to the par-3 17th hole, a long carry over water to an island green. Moses tees off with a 3-wood and hits the green. Jesus takes out his 5-iron and says, “I’m going to hit a 5-iron because Arnold Palmer would hit a 5-iron from here.”

Jesus tees it up and hits a lofted iron shot that finishes 25 yards short of the green and in the water.

Jesus turns to Moses and says, “How about parting the water so I can play my ball where it lies?”

Moses says, “No way. You foolishly chose the wrong club because of your Arnold Palmer fantasy and I’m not going to be a party to it!”

Jesus shrugs and starts walking on the water to where his ball went in. Just then, a foursome approaching the tee box sees Jesus walking on the water.

One of them asks Moses, “Who does that guy think he is, Jesus Christ?”

Moses turns and says, “No, he thinks he’s Arnold Palmer!”

Joke 5 : Where the Hell have you been?

Wife - "Where the hell have you been? You said you'd be done with golf by noon."

Husband - "I'm so sorry Honey, but you probably don't want to hear the reason."

Wife - "I want the truth, and I want it NOW!"

Husband - "Fine. We finished in under 4 hours, quick beer in the Clubhouse, I hopped in the car, and would have been here at 12 on the button. On the way home, I spotted a girl half our age struggling with a flat tire. I changed it in a jiffy, and next she's offering me money.

Of course I refuse it - then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton - and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer.

She's such a sweetie, I said yes.

Before you know it - one beer turned to three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other.

Then she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton less than 50 steps from our table. She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand.

Now I'm in her room....clothes are flying.....the talking stops and we proceed to have sex in every way imaginable.

It must have gone on for hours because before I know it the clock says 5:30....I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car, and here I am.

There. You wanted the truth....you got it. "

Wife - "Bullshit! You played 36 holes, didn't you?

Joke 6 : Marital Misunderstanding

HOW MEN AND WOMEN RECORD THINGS DIFFERENTLY IN THEIR DIARY ON THE SAME DAY:

Wife's Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late in meeting him, but he made no comment on it.Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk.

He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.'

I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.

About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.

He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Husband's (⁨Mike Tungol's)⁩ Diary:

A two-foot putt... who the hell misses a two-foot putt!!!!

Joke 7 : Warning to Male Golfers

A little old woman was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her.

One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 note fell out onto the footpath.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 notes falling out of that bag”

“Oh, really? Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer”.

“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop. “Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“Oh, no, no”, said the old lady. “You see, my backyard is right next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, ‘why not make the best of it?’

So, now, I stand behind the fence by the hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, ‘OK, buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes'”

“Well, that seems only fair,” said the cop, laughing. “OK good luck! Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?”

“Not everybody pays”.