Postcard to Another Galaxy

Dear mom and dad,

I hope that you are well. Firstly, let me start off by saying how profusely sorry I am for causing you such pain and regret when I chose to take a gap year to come to Earth as a relief aid volunteer instead of studying to become a 12th Galaxy Overlord.

I know now that you were only trying to do what’s best for me as I have come to realise that Earth is a wasteland of haphazard humans who have squandered all their resources in an almost barbaric manner.

There’s a 4th dimension black hole heading here shortly so I’ve decided to return home just in time for Uncle Owen’s 500th birthday. I didn’t want to tell you this over holographic messaging but humans still traverse using one-dimensional time travel and they still think that a black hole is just a gravitational sink.

P.S. Can you please send me my neurmi? Humans are still reading books to absorb knowledge.

P.P.S. I think I'm now straight. Male humans are the worst.

Zood