Letter to the Queen

23 June 2020

Her Majesty The Queen

Buckingham Palace

London

SW1A 1AA

Madam,

I feel odd not starting off my letter to you with a quaint and warm “Dear” but having done some research it seems that letter writing protocol requires me to address letters to Her Royal Majesty with “Madam” instead and I for one do not want my very important letter tossed out because of an administrative blunder.

I hope that you are doing well. And I really do mean that. I took a writing course a few months ago where I was categorically told to refrain from using this phrase if I did not actually mean it. Perhaps the instructor had picked up on my disastrously long sentences and wanted me to be a bit more economical with my words?

Take for example the first sentence. A full fifty-seven words. In any case, the use of this phrase has subsequently been removed from approximately 99.97% of my work emails.

My interest in writing to you had recently been sparked from learning about your awe-inspiring twenty-first birthday speech which had been delivered from sunny Cape Town of all places which happens to be my favourite seaside holiday destination (granted I have not yet been to the Bahamas but winning the lottery is not an easy feat to pull off).

What an utterly remarkable accomplishment to have delivered such a profound speech at the tender age of just twenty-one. Why when I was twenty-one, I had still been aimlessly socialising with compulsive conspiracy theorists and artfully dodging my crazy, crazy, crazy flatmate.

I would also like to take this opportunity to seek your advice about this worrisome work/life balance dilemma that is currently plaguing us millennials. Perhaps you have taken note of the perpetual existential crisis that many of us seem to be stuck in due to the angst over finding “purpose” whilst meeting impossible deadlines.

I have a sneaky suspicion that you may in fact be surprisingly well placed to guide us shepherd-less sheep given the fact that you are the longest reigning Monarch and more importantly, your astoundingly elegant fashion sense is definitely one to be envied - the 2012 metallic dress worn to a performance at Albert Hall was simply stunning.

Eagerly awaiting your response which will hopefully put an end to, if not at the very least curtail, my meandering and misguidedness.

Yours truly,

Cam