Inktober: Radio

Hi and welcome back to the morning mayhem show with me as your fabulous host as we wake you up and get ready for another day of hell on earth as the people of the world log online to work remotely for the 1 877th day.

You just heard a never-would-have-ever-happened-had-it-not-been-for-the-pandemic collab between Eminem and Machine Gun Kelley called Please Let It End Now from Eminem’s 13th studio album.

You know, sometimes I listen to this song and I think to myself and marvel at the fact that this collab resulted from these two former rivals finding themselves needing to share one of the last bags of sourworms just before they stopped being produced because, as we now know, sourworms make you more susceptible to contracting the virus.

We know that there is still a lot of illegal trading of sourworms taking place even though local authorities have issued strict warnings that anyone in possession of the illicit sourworms will be incarcerated and possibly face life imprisonment. A special hotline to report known felons has also been set up. You can contact the authorities on 058 6767 112 if you’d like to leave an anonymous tip.

It’s now 7:15am and time for the news headlines.

2 university students were arrested for assault after they brutally attacked a fellow classmate after sitting for an on-campus test. Sources say that the two ladies had found out that their ill-fated classmate had stockpiled a variety of foundations and concealers that they were hoping to gain access to following Monday’s announcement that the World Health Organisation have banned the sale of make-up with immediate effect. This came after Albanian scientists conclusively proved that make-up helps proliferate the spread of the no longer novel coronavirus.

In other news, approximately 5 000 British refugees have been detained at the Cairo border for trying to gain illegal entry into Africa amidst the rapidly rising sea level of both the North Atlantic and the North Sea. Officials have confirmed that the migrants will be detained and held in quarantine until further notice.

This brings the total number of estimated environmental refugees detained at an African border up to a 540 000 as European citizens are left stranded and desolate because of the accelerated melting of the polar ice caps.

African leaders have maintained that even though there is deep empathy for what the European continent is currently experiencing due to global warming environmental changes, under no uncertain terms will refugees be allowed into the Africa, citing that the African people are their top priority in terms of stabilising regionalisation efforts following the downfall of globalisation that had been largely attributed to decisions made by Western leaders.

Those are your top stories for this morning. After the break we’ll be interviewing Dr. Buttercup who is a behavioural psychologist to talk more about how the world has been coping after last month’s decision by Global leaders to outlaw all forms of social media. So this was after world-wide studies conducted by evolutionary scientists confirmed that the use of social media has in fact resulted in the de-evolution of the human race.

Probably the scariest one for me was the study where goldfish consistently tested better for short-term memory when compared to humans. We'll hear more from Dr. Buttercup if there's any hope of reversing what the advent of social networking has done to possibly millennia of evolutionary biology in just a fraction of that time.