Impact vs Intimacy

From the Luke Bible Discussion, I was very encouraged by the example of the poor widow in Luke 21:1-4 who gave two copper coins to the temple treasury.

As Jesus looked up, he saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. “Truly I tell you,” he said, “this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.” - Luke 21:1-4

It was a meagre amount to most people, but it was all that she had to live on. But Jesus noticed and commended her giving heart. I wondered what went through her mind when she gave that two copper coins. She could have thought - what difference does it make anyway? These two dimes could not even buy a piece of brick to repair the temple. Does it even matter at all if I gave the two coins or not? In some ways I felt like a poor widow.

When I started my graduate school, I told the Lord that I want to really give these years to Him to serve others. However, after almost 4 years, I felt like I did not achieve much in the Kingdom of God. Most of my time were spent helping my friends to know Jesus - something that I cannot write in my CV as opposed to if I had organised large-scale events. I did not see much fruits from what I had given over the past 4 years. Sometimes I wondered - if I did not give, it probably would not make much difference anyway. After all, I am not gifted or effective. What I offered to God may only be worth two copper coins.

God reminded me of a question once asked by Mr Wong Kim Tok, a Navigator staff: “What is your priority - impact or intimacy?”

Then I realised that all this while, I was looking for impact. I had hoped that what I offered would create great impact – that I would have a big and successful ministry. But the Lord’s priority is different - He is looking for my intimacy with Him. I may not be able to do great or impressive things for Him, but He saw my heart and my desire to honour Him with what I have. He treasured all those moments of prayers and quiet time that I have with Him more than all that I have ever done for Him.

The amount the poor widow gave may not create much impact in the repair or maintenance of the temple, but it was an intimate act of devotion that she gave to Jesus. She was offering all that she possessed, her whole heart and her absolute trust in God’s ability to provide for her. That was what the Lord was looking for.

I pray that I will continue to pursue intimacy with the Lord through my time with Him in quiet time, prayer and bible reading as well as in giving my time to individuals. Also, my prayer is that I will prioritize intimacy with Jesus more than the impact that I desire to achieve for Him, that I may learn from the example of the poor widow to continually offer to Jesus all of my heart and to grow in understanding His heart.

21 July 2020