It's been a while since I've last posted. Although, I don't really know anyone reads this blog at all. But, back to the main point is that the reason for me to have not been posting it's because I don't think my heart is fully 100% on God the past months (I've not being reading bible or fully honest with him) . Which, I don't think posting with such a mindset will serve me or God any good.

But, today why I've the intention for this post it's because I just wanted to some how. Maybe, that's the power of God guiding me back to him. It's really a miracle now I think about it since I've being praying to God to guide me through life away from my wrong doings and now I am back reading bible getting back even closer with him.

So, If you are having the trouble like me getting to know God or understanding what to do try praying to him with your most sincere heart. He will listen.

This month, I've been always complaining about the unjust in this world and how people exploit people for money. It's saddening for me to see the world like this and to live in it which I did question God why is this so?

With God's grace he did answer to my question by having me come across "the book of habakkuk". After reading it I feel like a sense of relief because I've thought I was the only one who thinks this way but how ignorant of me.

Instead, God had already addressed it in the Bible. This is a great experience that I should trust God more.

These few days, I've feel like the world is already like hell to me. Sometimes, I think like why do people do bad stuff. What's the purpose to it. Wouldn't it be better if everyone did good and remove sadness from this world ?

Today I read Genesis 4:1 - 16 GNB, It shows that men need to be taught to have self control over ourselves else our ego (devil) will take over us and lead us to unwise decisions. Therefore, If you are struggling with anger and such try to pray I will help.

These few days, I feel like life is like on hold for me and I've prayed to God for guidance. But, He didn't responded yet. Then today I saw this scripture:

Matthew 6:33 NIV

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

After reading this, I think it must be a test of faith from God. Although, I know it is a test but still I am trying my best to put my faith in him because there are times which I struggle to get hold of it.

This morning, I read about Adam and Eve eating the fruit on the tree that God told them not to. To me this seem like God uses this story to show us what it means to have free will. It shows me that God even give us the will to do things go against him that show how much he loves us.

Because, he is willing to take the chance of dealing with things that he doesn't like in order to gives us freedom to chose.

After reading this I don't really know how I feel about it but I just sense the love that he has for us. Although, I don't have much to say on today's blog but I hope anyone reading this will understand and to try to do good and understand God's Love because it might just be what you need in order to change yourself to be a better person.

Today, I started to read the bible from Genesis 1.1 ~ 2.25. This is many years since I really took time to read this book the last time I read it was during primary school. After, all these years my perspective on "God created this world" changed.

To me now it is not about who made this world. But, rather how much love was put into building this world. During the creation God put so much details on everything that you can see his passion. Which, touches me that he cared about the world so much. But, as humans today we didn't have the amount of passion that God has for this world.

Hence, the world now is through of hate, pollution etc.. So, I really thank God after reading this because he really did let us choose what we can do with this world and it's us humans that destroys it like it is today. Which, shows how much patience he has for us even thought we destroyed his passion project.

Today, I finally realized that God was talking to me all along. He didn't abandon, leave or turned his back on me. You may ask what made you realized that ?

The turning point was he left signs all over the place that should be obvious to me. But, I didn't notice them all along because my faith in him was not enough. Although, I have this lack of faith issue but I did still pray in times of misery, pain and tears.

Then, at my lowest point I finally noticed that he was walking to me all along through bible, Instagram bible post and even YouTube videos about him. He found his way to me through things that I use daily.

That's why I want to start this blog today to record my journey with God. I don't actually know why I wanted to start this blog because I am actually not a person that enjoys writing. But, there's a pulse inside me that makes me want to do this and I think it is God that wants this.

Prayer: Thank you Lord again, for giving me this realization to know him and how a blessed life I have already with a shelter above my head with food and internet to use. Which, not every one in the world can have. In Jesus's name. Amen.