City Council Ponders: Should we give ourselves a raise?

It was a time of great soul searching for city-council members in the City of Alt Losses.

Should they increase their stipends from $300 to $950 a month and triple their benefits to $11,000 a year — an increase that the state of California just allowed? A special meeting was called to consider this all important question (during a 49ers football game, guaranteeing that citizen turnout would hover around zero).

“The increase would cover the cost of gasoline (for the 2-to-3 mile drive) to our bi-monthly meetings,” they agreed. “It would pay for our printer cartridges. We could attract more lower-income people to run against us,” they reasoned self-righteously, “especially full-time working moms with lots of kids.”

One council member asked, “Does the increased health-insurance benefit include free Facelifts?”  “Face lifts? Yes,” the staff responded. “Free? No. There’s a $20 copay.”

“And how will this affect the city’s already stressed budget?” absolutely no one asked. After much thoughtful discussion, the question came to a tense vote in which the council members unanimously agreed to give themselves every conceivable increase allowed by law. And after a full 11 minutes, the special meeting was adjourned.