Chapter 10 - Coming Out

He Bing carried Liao Yucheng onto the bed and sat down beside him, quietly observing his face. His cheeks were flushed, eyes closed peacefully, and within minutes he was snoring softly.

Liao Yucheng had gotten wasted at a bar called Blue Face—a place where men who liked to sleep with men gathered. So Liao Yucheng's sexual orientation... He Bing had more or less figured it out.

No wonder he'd never had a girlfriend. No wonder his love wasn't reciprocated. No wonder when He Bing told him, "Just go for it," he said he couldn't. 

He Bing had secretly imagined all sorts of things about the person Liao Yucheng liked. Turned out he'd gotten even the most basic detail wrong—their gender.

He Bing had never met a gay person before. Or perhaps he had, but just never realized it. In his head, gay men were supposed to act feminine, talk with limp wrists, that whole thing. But Liao Yucheng wasn't like that at all. He seemed exactly like any other straight guy. If not for tonight, He Bing probably would've gone his whole life without figuring it out, just assuming Liao Yucheng was the same as him.

So Liao Yucheng liked men.

The initial shock had worn off during the ride home. He turned on the AC, pulled a thin blanket over Liao Yucheng, and stared at his handsome face in a daze.

He Bing's chest felt heavy, equal parts realization and disappointment, mixed with some heartache. He knew that queer people faced discrimination in society. Even he himself had been prejudiced against them before today. When it came to pursuing rights or love, queer people undoubtedly had it harder than ordinary people. Why did someone as great as Liao Yucheng have to deal with all that?

Had Liao Yucheng gotten drunk tonight because he was hurting? Had that person rejected him? What was that guy like, and to have Liao Yucheng so infatuated? He Bing fell into even more troubled imaginings than before, welcoming his first bout of insomnia in ages.

The next morning both of them were awakened by the same alarm—one with a splitting headache, the other with dark circles under his eyes. Both rushed to leave for work. After hurriedly washing up, He Bing didn't get a chance to ask about last night, and Liao Yucheng didn't bring it up, so they just said goodbye to each other.

He Bing obsessed over it all day at work, barely making it through to the end of the workday before rushing home. The second he got there, he dumped his stuff and headed straight for the kitchen.

Liao Yucheng was descaling a fish. Seeing He Bing hovering there looking like he wanted to say something, he took the initiative. "Do you have something you want to ask me?"

He Bing wasn't as straightforward as Liao Yucheng. Nervously, he made some small talk. "You drank too much last night and passed out completely. That's not good for you—try to drink less from now on."

Liao Yucheng rinsed the scaled fish under the tap, focused and careful. "My friend told me what happened. Sorry you had to come all the way out to get me."

His polite and distant attitude made He Bing immediately unhappy. "What are you talking about? With our relationship, it's not any trouble at all."

"Our relationship? What relationship?" Liao Yucheng looked up at him. "You know now, right? That I like men."

"Found out last night." He Bing himself didn't quite understand why he felt so uneasy when Liao Yucheng seemed so calm and matter-of-fact. "It's not a big deal. Liking someone is liking someone, right? Plenty of men like men. Those of us who like women have it easier that way, don't you think?" He laughed unnaturally. "Haha, haha."

His laughter petered out as he realized how stupid he sounded. He snuck a glance at Liao Yucheng and stopped.

Liao Yucheng watched this ridiculous display and barely held back a smile. He looked down, chopping the fish methodically, his tone growing quieter against the sound of the knife rising and falling. "I know most people can't really accept it. Plus I'm living in your place, sleeping in the same bed as you. If you're uncomfortable, I can move out."

Hearing Liao Yucheng talk about leaving sent He Bing into a panic. "I'm not uncomfortable! I already told you, stay as long as you want. I think of you as my brother. Whether you like men or women doesn't affect us."

Like hell it doesn't—it affects everything! Liao Yucheng rolled his eyes internally but kept talking. "I've really appreciate everything you've done. You wouldn't take rent, so all I could do was help more with housework. You should start learning to cook for yourself —it's not that difficult. Just stir-fry a couple of simple dishes. Remember to change your clothes every day, and throw stuff in the washer every three days. Even if you're living alone, having the place too messy isn't good. Clean up when you have time. Next time find a girlfriend who's neater than you, so you don't end up fighting over who takes out the trash or does dishes again."

Everything Liao Yucheng said sounded like goodbye and He Bing really couldn't stand the thought of him leaving. All these reminders just made him think about how good Liao Yucheng had been to him, making his heart ache even more. "I don't care about that stuff. I want to keep living with you."

He grabbed Liao Yucheng's wrist, his voice almost pleading. "Yucheng, don't go."

Liao Yucheng's heart melted. He had to fight hard not to turn around and give him a hug. "You're okay sharing a bed with a gay guy? Doesn't it weird you out?"

"Not if it's you." He Bing thought for a moment, then asked carefully.  "Does your family know about this?"

"My mom knows. My dad is pretty conservative, so I haven't told him yet."

"Oh." He Bing looked down, testing the waters with the question that actually mattered more to him. "Does the person you like know?"

Liao Yucheng put the chopped fish on a plate, sprinkled seasonings on it, and set it in the steamer. His hands never stopped moving as he answered lightly, "He doesn't know."

He Bing wasn't really surprised by this answer, but still couldn't help saying, "You've liked him for years. Shouldn't you at least let him know how you feel?

Liao Yucheng disagreed. "What's the point? If I tell him, we might not even be able to stay friends."

"Are you good friends?"

Liao Yucheng thought about it. "We should be considered good friends now."

He Bing asked again, "Is he really handsome?"

Liao Yucheng smiled slightly. "Not bad. Actually not as handsome as me."

A sudden surge of irritation hit He Bing, his tone getting sharp. "Then what do you even like about him?"

"He's genuine and kind, has this sort of goofy energy quality that makes you want to tease him sometimes. And when he laughs it's completely carefree, warms your whole heart. He's just a lovable person."

As Liao Yucheng listed that person's virtues, this involuntary happy smile spread across his face. It hurt to look at. He Bing said spitefully, "Sounds like an idiot."

Liao Yucheng's smile grew even deeper. "Yeah. The person I like is an idiot."