translation by mourningmoor
It would be accurate to say that they were riding the upward trend.
The recognition they had steadily built up and the efforts supporting it finally hit the jackpot.
PD Pyo was ecstatic, practically jumping for joy. Gyuhyung was the same.
Director Gong Seokho, Teacher Ji Youngjun—all of them were happy and congratulated them with one heart.
But the members themselves couldn't quite share that sentiment.
Instead, they became solemn.
Coming to LA only intensified that feeling.
With all the excessive attention, they could no longer move around freely like before. No matter where they went, paparazzi followed, making them naturally more cautious with their actions.
The members were still a bit bewildered by this situation.
"It doesn’t feel real."
Maknae grumbled while eating.
"Even in New York, we could move around somewhat comfortably, but yesterday, we were completely surrounded by people..."
Remembering how they got caught in a crowd while shopping in Beverly Hills yesterday, Jaewon shuddered.
"It’s suddenly like this, so should I say it’s kind of scary? Anyway, it feels that way."
What maknae said was probably the most accurate way to put it.
The kids were afraid of this situation.
Even though they had grown faster than other idol teams, they had climbed each step gradually, making steady progress to get here. But these past few days were different. They had barely taken a step forward, yet it felt like they skipped the entire middle process and suddenly soared to a dizzying height.
Feeling lightheaded and overwhelmed was only natural.
"I’m kind of scared too. Suddenly, we’re getting all these broadcast appearance requests, famous people are sending invitations, and global stars are following us."
Even Roa, who had a fairly strong mentality, seemed taken aback by the situation.
"Pyo PD-nim spoke with the local agency and doubled our security team. Because of the incident with the sasaeng yesterday."
Yesterday, a fan who had found our hotel and floor sneaked into the hotel, causing a huge commotion.
It turned out to be Siu’s sasaeng, who got caught wandering around trying to find Siu’s room.
Because of that, Siu’s social anxiety, which had only been an issue during his early debut days, was starting to resurface.
Hanjoon wasn’t doing great either.
Maybe he was trying to forget his anxiety—he played games whenever he got the chance.
Not only that, he wasn’t just playing alone anymore; he had started forming teams with Filament members to play. At this point, Filament fans were eagerly waiting for when Hanjoon would start gaming again.
Still, Hanjoon seemed to be holding up the best.
At least he was finding the healthiest way to relieve stress.
But that was only temporary.
Because it didn’t mean the stress was actually going away.
"Should we, you know, just have a heart-to-heart talk today?"
There was no way they could take the concert stage in their current state.
The kids, who had always run forward fearlessly, had finally found something to be afraid of.
It was a process they had to go through at some point, but if handled poorly, it could lead to a slump.
With the LA concert just around the corner, that was something they absolutely could not afford.
"Then, should we order some pizza and talk while we eat?"
It was Hanjoon.
I was grateful that at least he was trying to lighten the mood this way.
* * *
A little while later, Gyuhyung-ie hyung brought in five boxes of pizza.
An icebox filled with various drinks came along with it.
Throughout this entire tour, cameras are running in our rooms.
Since they're making a documentary to commemorate our first overseas tour, there's nothing we can do about it.
Well, I guess sharing our concerns like this with the fans isn’t so bad. It’ll help them understand us on a deeper level.
The members, who had gathered in a circle in the hotel room’s living area, couldn’t bring themselves to eat the pizza right away.
They were probably conscious of the cameras.
That was already a big change. Since when did you guys care about the cameras?
I let out a small laugh and opened the pizza box.
“Wow, it’s cheese pizza and pepperoni pizza.”
Then Jaewon cautiously spoke up.
“There’s no bulgogi pizza here, so it’s not that great. I’m a bulgogi pizza person.”
Siu carefully added to the conversation.
“That’s only in our country, though.”
“That’s why I want to go back to Korea. I’m on the verge of getting homesick.”
“What are you talking about? You’re already homesick.”
Since the cameras were rolling, everyone felt like they had to say something, which made the conversation awkward.
Before I knew it, Hanjoon had picked out drinks from the icebox and handed them to each of the kids.
As he sat down in his seat, he spoke.
“Hey, just act like usual. You guys look really awkward.”
Then, he picked up a slice of pizza and took a big bite.
I gave him a small nod of thanks.
“Yeah, let’s just be ourselves. Since when did we care about the cameras?”
Roa, who had been sitting quietly in a corner of the sofa, slowly came over and picked up a slice of pizza.
“That’s right. Hyung-nim always told us, ‘Just do as you always do. Pretend the camera isn’t there.’ That’s why we’ve been able to be so comfortable all this time.”
“Yeah. It’s been like that since our debut. When Gyuhyung-ie hyung told us to be more conscious of the cameras, Chanie hyung-ah would always say, ‘Just pretend there’s no camera and go wild.’”
Jaewon nodded.
Then Siu chimed in as well.
“That’s right. I used to have really bad camera anxiety, but Ichan-i hyung always encouraged me, saying, ‘Yoon Siu, fight the camera and win. You’re stronger than it.’”
Of course, it’s impossible to be completely unaware of the cameras.
A camera represents the eyes of others watching us—how could we not be conscious of that?
But we just wanted to show our true selves, and we believed that only when our real selves were accepted, it would count as genuine recognition.
And we were acknowledged by the public for who we really were.
The kids knew that too.
“Hey. That’s why I’m saying, just do what you’ve always done. It’s not like this suddenly happened overnight. It’s the same thing that’s always happened in Korea and Japan too.”
Hanjoon was doing a good job steering the conversation.
With visibly more relaxed expressions, the kids took bites of their pizza and slowly opened up about their thoughts.
The biggest issue seemed to be the ‘stress’ that came with their rising status.
“I’m still at this level, but people see me as someone so much bigger, so I don’t know what more I should show them.”
“I feel the same. How do I meet people’s expectations? What should I do? It’s kind of like that.”
Jaewon and Siu’s worries were similar.
Roa and Hanjoon had slightly different concerns, though they overlapped.
“For me… I believe growth happens in stages, but it feels like we’ve climbed up too fast, so it’s a bit scary.”
It was something like this.
There’s a limit to how high one can go, but if you climb too fast, won’t you end up falling just as quickly?
What if this popularity is just a bubble? What if it all disappears tomorrow?
Hanjoon’s thoughts were along the same lines.
“When I started this career, I had a goal of reaching a certain level, like ‘I really want to make it to this point.’ But now, we’ve gone beyond that. I never even dreamed of what’s beyond this… Is this really possible? Or is this the end? It’s scary because I don’t know when we’ll stop moving forward.”
Different yet similar concerns.
Ultimately, they all felt that their current position was too big for them to handle.
“Aren’t you guys being too humble?”
At my question, Hanjoon scratched the side of his eyebrow with his index finger and gave a sheepish smile.
“It’s not about being humble—it’s about being worried. Am I really doing well? Is this the right way to live? Am I holding the team back because of my shortcomings?”
Siu nodded so hard it looked like his head might fall off, showing his intense agreement.
“If I dare to give you an answer.”
They’re good kids. They always put their teammates before themselves.
“You’re living well. This is the right way to live.”
The first virtue needed to survive in the idol industry, which is like a jungle, is trusting your teammates and relying on each other. It’s a place where you can never survive alone.
In that sense, these kids have perfectly acquired the first virtue.
And the second virtue, diligence.
“It’s funny that I’m the one saying this, but out of all the people I know, there’s no one who lives as diligently as you guys.”
In this too, these kids are perfect.
“Not a single one of you has ever complained about long practice hours. No one has ever skipped a schedule because they were sick. No one drinks, and everyone absolutely hates being late. You guys are ridiculously diligent. That’s why, as a leader, I’ve always been grateful.”
When I hear about other groups, there are always troublemakers in the team. But these kids quietly do what they need to do without causing any problems.
“Isn’t that why the fans recognize us and like us? It’s not that they expect something extraordinary from us, but that they like us for who we are right now. That’s what I think.”
Even if we just show up in a plain T-shirt, there are people who like us. Even when we yawn hugely from lack of sleep during a music show, they still find it endearing.
“Honestly, if they were expecting something grand, they’d be fans of ARCHE instead. Why would they like us?”
At my words, the members laughed. Then they agreed passionately, saying it was really true.
“If we try to fit into the image others expect of us, I feel like we’ll lose ourselves. I don’t want that. I like you guys just the way you are now.”
That was my honest feeling.
I don’t want to take away the charm they have right now.
More than anything, I hope they stay the same and continue to exist as they are.
“I think all we need to do is our very best. Our fans like us for that, and if luck stays on our side, we can take one step forward at a time and go even further.”
Of course, that last part was a bit of a lie.
I said, ‘if luck stays on our side,’ but there’s no such thing as luck that follows us.
Because luck is something I create myself.
In the end, the only one here consciously aware of the camera is me.
Since I’m playing the role of a pretty decent leader, Kang Ichan, in front of the camera. But in reality, I’m the great magician who will undoubtedly take L.I.T to even greater heights.
So all you guys need to do is trust me and follow me like you always have.
But there are things I can’t do for you, and those, you have to take care of yourselves.
“The one thing we each need to handle on our own is stress relief.”
The brutal schedule we endure.
That stress is what’s making these kids so discouraged right now.
“Honestly, saying that this job doesn’t cause any stress would be nonsense.”
Everyone nodded. It seemed like they all had a lot to say.
“Then how about we each say how we want to relieve stress? Let’s get it out before the LA concert.”
Jaewon was the first to raise his hand.
Damn it, I shouldn’t have asked. The energy he’s radiating is anything but normal.
“I have one! Let’s all do it together. Seriously, we have to do this. We have to.”