MONKEY KIOSK
The most uncustomizable soul in a kiosk software ever
Embedded Files
Welcome to "MonKey Kiosk v0.0000000000001", the first unoriginal kiosk software that is monkey-friendly.
Blurry Display System™
Blurry Display System™
Intentionally low-res, always slightly out of focus — "for your safety."
24/7 Cat Videos
24/7 Cat Videos
But only from 2009. You can’t skip them. Ever.
Paid & Closed-Source Mobile App
Paid & Closed-Source Mobile App
$19.99/month. Requires 12 permissions and drains your battery in 4 minutes.
BananaCoin Payment Only
BananaCoin Payment Only
Accepts Bananas no one has heard of. "Powered by primates."
Voice Assistant (MonkeySpeak)
Voice Assistant (MonkeySpeak)
All responses are screeches. “Now with 3 new screech types!”
Free Trial Includes Ads
Free Trial Includes Ads
Every 10 seconds, a popup yells "OOH OOH AAH AAH" in increasing volume.
Auto-Smudge Touchscreen
Auto-Smudge Touchscreen
Screen comes pre-smeared. Attempts to clean it cause more smudging.
Random Product Generator
Random Product Generator
Every 5 minutes it offers a "deal" on a completely unrelated item (like “Used flip-flop with sentimental value”).
User Tracking via Banana Peels
User Tracking via Banana Peels
Totally non-invasive banana peel sensors track foot traffic.
Offline Mode (Stuck in Jungle)
Offline Mode (Stuck in Jungle)
When offline, it shows a looping animation of a monkey stuck in a tree trying to connect to Wi-Fi.
Live Monkey Support
Live Monkey Support
Not AI. Not human. A live monkey on a webcam trying to mime help to you.
Page updated
Google Sites
Report abuse