Composition

TW: Unsettling descriptions

It's been a long time since I've played piano. 

I tap my long black nails on the table, uninterested by the melodious sound that attracted my parents, seeing their awe stricken faces... my face scrunched up before tearing my eyes away from them to an old clock that sat at a corner of this antique room. The tune came to a gentle stop, the chords' sound lingering just a second more before everything became quiet. Even the outside is quiet, barely any noise to interrupt this little performance my sister just put on- in fact, close to none, unfortunately. I'd rather hear the beeping of cars in traffic than this. 

"That was amazing, Play!" The shrill voice of my mother put an end to the silence, accompanied by both of my parents' clapping "You truly are a gifted child." My father laughed, ruffling that smiling girl's hair. I contemplated making a fuss, but I'm not a child anymore, I won't be forgiven for things like that. Pushing my chair backwards, careful to not make any sound, my presence is irrelevant now after all. "Sis-" Playden tried to call for me, only to see I had already left the room. 

"Why did I even bother visiting" My thoughts escape my mouth, yet deep down, I know why, I just don't like how 'I want their attention and affection' sounds. At least the moon will listen to my troubles, that much, no matter how little it is, is solace to me. The pictures on the walls, I hate them, but they'd probably get mad if I ever took them down. 

Polaroid photographs connected by strings, messy and childish. I remember writing on the white space on each one of these "My sister, Plaiden! We're going to do a duet when she grows big like me" My lips tug down, a girl with platinum blonde hair and black eyes held the hand of a younger girl with black hair, the pair smiling annoyingly "I looked so ugly". 

The softness of the bed that once brought comfort to a younger me is now non-existent. My pale complexion with my long black nails reminded me of those keys I once loved. I grit my teeth. I've always found it so interesting yet infuriating how something that rid me of my stresses became the source of it. No... it wasn't the source of my stress, it was... 

'You're not playing it right.' 

'Your playing is getting worse.' 

'At this rate, your sister will surpass you.'

"I hated hearing it." 

It was them. And I found a solution to not hear it ever again. 

I close my eyes to take a long deep breath, holding my body up with both of my arms as I lean my head backwards. Just like that, my tense mind relaxes, and my eyes open once more.

A photograph I've never seen before caught my attention, its string of yarn different and messily connected to the others "...This is" My eyes widened. It was about 3 years ago, before I moved out of this house, before I stopped playing piano. It was taken from behind me, as I sat unknowingly playing the piano. The words written on it read "My sister, Empaus" "I miss her" She went into my room? I should tell mom and dad to lock this I- 

Taking a deep breath, I let out a heavy sigh "As if they'd ever let me". 

The staircase creaks under my weight, the dim light making the stairs look like a black sheet while I try to adjust my eyes to the darkness but to no avail. 

The glass of water is cold against my skin, drops of water spilling from the corners of my mouth as I gulp the refreshing liquid down "It's just a few more days" Reminding myself, though it's more like I'm convincing myself to stay instead. 

I was about to go back to my room when I passed by it. 

With the curtains drawn to the side, the moonlight spilled in, or maybe it's a streetlight. Still, it almost looks like a spotlight for the grand piano, inviting me to come over even though all I can ever play are just mediocre imitations of beautiful pieces, and yet, I find myself in front of it. 

"Just once" I mumble, playing a chord. 

It was far from perfect, especially when I grew my nails long, wincing every time I heard the soft clicking against the keys, not allowing me to play as fluidly as I'd like because of it. But it was enough. This takes me back to the days where I would spend countless hours on this, sometimes even worrying my parents in the first few weeks, but I loved it. 

A sad smile rested on my face, opening my eyes to signify the end of my pitiful performance. Huh? When did it become so dark? Where's the moon and its light? I look around in a panic. Everything is dark- no, everything is just an abyssal black. 

"What the-" 

I stand up from the chair, the only thing in this place, at least that I could see is me and this piano. 

"Hello?" I call out, the sound of my voice stretching far into god knows where, it's as if I'm in cave, at least with a cave I know there's a way out somewhere, but- the ground beneath my feet ripples everytime I take a step, the faint sound of a note playing along with it "How do I get out of here?" Thoughts raced through my mind, but none that can make sense of what's happening right now. 

"Dammit!" 

I curse, stomping, but that only irritated me further hearing the melodious noise that came after it. Taking a deep breath, I slowly let go of it, deciding that calming down is the best thing I can do. 'The piano, that's it-!' I hurry back to its side "Maybe if I just" I spoke to myself, anything to keep me sane, but when I pressed the key, I was met with boney flesh instead. 

In this place, even my scream sounds like music. 

The keys have all turned into hands firmly gripping onto the desk of the instrument, their nails painted black as if to resemble the keys they replaced. In a second, they reached out to me, and I ran. 

The following minutes sounded like a piece played in prestissimo, or was it an hour? It felt like one. 

The moment my legs gave out, it felt like a blade slashed my calves. Looking over my shoulder, with no sign of the hands, I opened my mouth, and screamed. It's not fair, why is this happening to me? 

My legs hurt. My throat hurts. My eyes hurt. 

Putting a hand over my mouth to muffle my strained coughs, warm water dripping from my eyes onto my cold skin. Coughing turned into sobs, this place somehow has this hold on me, as if every emotion I bottled up flooded my senses and heart in an instant. 

When I finally looked up from my knees, I shrunk. Floating keyholes varying in size everywhere, their places random and made no sense, but the most unsettling part were the eyes that peeked in from behind them, everywhere I looked, there would be a keyhole with an eye looking at me in a different way each time, disgust, pity, disappointment. No, I can't stand to look at them anymore. 

When I finally tore my eyes away from them. Quite difficult when it's everywhere- I noticed a door, it's shape that of a piano's lid. Despite the pain, I forced my wobbly legs to stand to drag myself over to it. 

Basically towering over me with how large it is. I turned the doorknob, yet it wouldn't open, then I started pushing against it with all my might, it didn't budge "What do I do now" I murmured, annoyed at this point. Crouching down, I almost gasped "There's a gap-!" Because of the dark room, I almost missed it, but it's definitely there. A soft gush of wind coming from it in an even pace, like the steady breathing of someone, that someone who definitely isn't me with my rapid and uneven breaths. 

I get on my elbows and knees to lean in lower, closer to the gap below the door, not even questioning that it isn't connected to any walls. My long hair landed on the ground as if it's floating on water. The gap is large enough for my arm to squeeze through, and so I do. The breathing comes to halt, and so do I. I'm not sure if I just noticed it now or it just started, but I could definitely hear a piece being played along with my movements, it's quiet and slow now that I'm not moving. 

There's no use, this place has no sense to it anyway. I shake my head as I continue to shove my arm further in. The ground is cold, my bare skin feels like ice yet at the same time has some warmth to it that I don't know how to explain "Help!" I yell, desperate for anyone at the other side of the door to hear me "Help-! Please! I'm trapped here!" I hit the ground to get their attention. If someone was there, they'd definitely hear the keys being played as I continue to slam the ground with clenched hands. For all I know, if anyone was looking at me right now, it would be the unnerving eyes. 

Then, I hit a soft feeling, its texture different from the smooth and cool ground. My fingertips go to reach it, wrapping around what felt like a stick. Retracting my hand, I loosen my grip on it, staring at the flower with white petals "A daffodil?" The more I look at it, the more I'm confused. Its appearance so different from my surroundings. 

My head started to pound suddenly, still gripping onto the flower while I hold my head in my hands "I'm tired of this" I grit my teeth, the tears flowing again. In one second, my eyes shut as my body hit the ground, playing one last chord. 

"That was fun!" A high pitched voice chimed. 

My eyes snap open, and it isn't pitch black anymore. "...Sister? Are you okay?" I'm back at the piano, my fingers hovering above the key "I-I'm sorry, did I mess up at one part?" The voice that was enthusiastic just a moment ago now sounded worried, a voice that belonged to Plaiden. I stare at her for a second, simply trying to think. Why was she beside me? 

I look back to my hands, and then to hers. Sitting side by side like this- were we playing together? "No... and I'm fine" I say quietly, still unsure of what's going on. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see her concerned face smile "It's been so long since I've heard you play" She begins, grazing her fingertips on the keys. 

Then she said something, something that made me remember all the times I spent on it before, before I grew envious and burdened with pressure. Those times I found solace in those short moments that I wanted to last. 

"You're still as absorbed in piano as you were before." 

That place, my once comfort has turned into a monstrosity of a nightmare, taken away from me. I wanted to cry again. 

"Why did you drop it?" 

Her small voice asked, a sad smile on her features. I bite my lip, I don't want to answer this, please. "...It was because of me, right?" She laughed quietly, resting her hands on her lap. 

I waver. The girl in front of me is far different from what I thought she was. 3 years really can change a person huh? But she was right, with her eyes that looked to be staring right through me, I sigh. "Yeah" She must have expected that response, yet still shrunk. 

"Play..." I murmur, casting my eyes onto the keys in front of me "Do you actually like playing the piano?" I only noticed this now, but the room is chilly. "Don't you feel pressured? So many eyes staring at you. Looking at you as if you're a machine rather than a person" The memories of those two voices nitpicking each mistake I made. The cold gazes from the audience that burnt themselves into my body when I sat underneath the spotlight, I would never want to relive it again.

"The moment you waver, they'll only look at you with disappointment because you're not the machine they built you to be" When I realized that was all they wanted from me, I realized I didn't want to be a machine. It's quiet. When I looked at her, she sat there smiling "Of course" A tear falling "Because I still remember how I felt when I listened to you play". 

What...? 

"All I wanted from that moment was to get better so I could play with the person who comforted me unknowingly" She brought her hands to her face, wiping the tears away "So that I could comfort her as well whenever she locked herself in her room because of the burden mom and dad put on her". 

I sat still, frozen. "But she moved away before I got the chance to." Hair casting a shadow over her face. My shaky hand reached out to her "...So thank you for earlier" She tried to laugh, but it still sounded like a cry. 

My arms gently wrap themselves around her trembling body, awkward and unsure, but it feels right. 

"I'm glad"