I thought I might be a linguistics major because I sometimes like things like Barthes’s Mythologies and what also happens sometimes is I think to myself if I had the notion to write poetry I probably would I stopped at a gas station canigetaLighter sixty-nine cents and then doyouhavearestroom agree to be my interstice as I bounce from Here to Now Cordelia has such a name what a name Cordelia is Cordelia told me the man at the counter might have thought that I was French and going to agree to fuck him I think she only said so because I’d told her about all the French women who would not or did not agree to fuck me I wanted to say something mean about this sad fat dog that sniffed us through the fence but I thought it might sound too anorexic because I’m only holding onto that like when you move cities sometimes people argue about whether or not you’re still from Pittsburgh a woman from Pittsburgh a teacher actually she told me to write about where I am local well I am local to you and to this and to Love as I wrote this list I thought well then I have lived in a lot of places I thought I’d go live in a few more I thought canigetaLighter and doyouhavearestroom I thought I’d die when I smoked weed and got hungry I thought about linguistics when I remembered how anorexics on the Internet will take any song with the word hunger in it and make it something it is not and that must be the focus of some kind of field of study I thought and I would like to be a part of it I thought because there must be absolutely nobody writing papers in the field of linguistics right now nobody who has known hunger like I have but of course that’s not true because first of all there are refugees and survivors and things like that and second there are yes there are fuck you and third I found and read a study conducted by this linguistics major Olivia from Ireland or someplace redheaded and hungry like that she wrote about anorexia on the Internet only she wrote about it like we do like I do so there is no way in hell you could possibly not see that she had known that hunger too I thought I might be a linguistics major I bet Olivia didn’t like calculus much in high school either only of course in Ireland they’ve got to call it something like honors maths or gee-are-ee-tee-zee but whatever word she wrote in paint pen on the cover of her binder for the subject I bet it was in pink on darker pink because Olivia is not afraid of things like that like colors that say it’s a girl exclamation point I bet she did not like the class one bit I thought I might be a linguistics major I thought why the hell did I start to cry when I was reading The Bell Jar for the nineteenth time and I got to the part where Syvlia-Esther Sylvester cannot choose a fig from the tree on which life choices grow like figs on which there are black spots spreading on which is reflected the light from the convent windows on which there is cast in yellow glass the face of the Virgin in her youth down which there run tears because it is raining because the sky is impatient because the figs are rotting because Sylvia cannot chose one well most of that I made up Sylvia decided to write some stuff about a nun and a Jewish man instead anyway I erected this fig tree in my head for the nineteenth time I thought is there a fig that says linguistics major on my tree I thought Sylvia I hate you why’d you mention the Olympics and the Lovers in the same breath I thought these must have been the places to which Sylvia was local I guessed Love was the government name given to every one of those I thought well then Sylvia lived in a lot of places too I thought what a shame she did not get to go live in too many more I thought of the woman from Pittsburgh a teacher actually a linguistics major actually a local actually a Lover actually I thought canigetaLighter actually sixty-nine cents I thought I might be a teacher actually I am a teacher already I teach four kids who are small maybe seven or ten I teach big kids too they are maybe twenty-six or fifty-two even then I thought of this kid she’s eleven actually not seven or ten or fifty-two even I taught her a few things she’s in the hospital now on account of she won’t eat only her mom is in Korea I don’t know for sure but probably this kid ran into some anorexics on the Internet who took any song with the word hunger in it and made it something it was not I don’t know how much I should tell you but I bet you don’t need to know calculus or honors maths or gee-are-ee-tee-zee to figure it out only a little thing called el-oh-vee-ee which is so close to the way my ex-girlfriend used to say it what a funny word ex-girlfriend and also el-oh-vee-ee that was a Love to which I was local I used to weigh seventy pounds that was not a lot then somebody stopped me no ex-girlfriend stopped me no woman from Pittsburgh stopped me no linguistics major stopped me my mother stopped me actually but she doesn’t like it when I call her that she stopped me once when I was sixteen but then once when I was eleven too actually my mother was never in Korea not for long at least she stopped me once in a car but then once when I was eleven on an airplane too I thought she used maybe the wrong words both times what are you maybe doing she said that tomato has maybe ten calories she said I thought these were maybe the wrong words who knows though maybe not I thought I might be a linguistics major maybe then I would know actually maybe I bet you Olivia would know actually maybe she does know maybe I’ll email her and find out fuck you yes maybe yes I will yes I might say something like hello Olivia big fan canigetaLighter no I might say something like I thought I might be a linguistics major yes I might tell her I would like to do what she does no I might sound too anorexic because I’m only holding onto that like Pittsburgh or I might sound like a Lesbian and that is also always a concern but that I am not only holding onto that is not Pittsburgh it is closer like my shoes or my very own skin I thought I might be a linguistics major to help me differentiate between the two I thought I might like to study Steppenwolf a little bit more closely except Steppenwolf is a book by for and about men I didn’t like that about it but I thought if I said so I might sound like a Lesbian I thought there was nobody to say it to anyway I thought I need more friends who have read Steppenwolf I thought no I don’t Steppenwolf is a book by for and about men I didn’t like that about it I bet Olivia didn’t like that either I thought I would Google Olivia I thought I would like what I found I did not she is not a very pretty woman she looks anorexic actually I don’t like that I am not very nice but I was looking for a very pretty woman and I like to find what I am looking for also I did find her website where Olivia posts pictures of completed assignments from her Drawing class the class is called something like gee-are-ee-tee-zee I did only look at the first assignment she does draw alright but I seventeen wouldn’t know about that I carry a sketchbook around with one very big page filled up and otherwise totally blank just for proof that I did something once I did it a few weeks ago actually but nothing before and hardly anything since I do not have much to draw these days when I weighed seventy pounds I actually did very much but so I thought Olivia might be a little more like me I am looking for very pretty women who are a lot like me and I like to find what I am looking for I think maybe finding a very pretty woman a lot like me would prove that I am very pretty too actually I think it would prove that I did something once actually I did something actually a few weeks ago actually I found a very pretty woman I said canigetaLighter I sounded too anorexic I sounded like a Lesbian like I was holding onto Pittsburgh she said what’s the point in smoking that shit if there’s no nicotine I said oral fixation that’s not true if I really had an oral fixation and maybe I do well then I would find something better to fixate on maybe I would find something like a tomato with maybe ten calories maybe I would find the wrong words both times maybe I would finally pull a fig off the tree its flesh would be pink on a skin of darker pink because I am not afraid of things like that actually I think I would settle for a very pretty woman’s breast I would hold onto it like Pittsburgh I would suck on it hard until one day I might look up and the face above would be Olivia’s she is not a very pretty woman she looks anorexic actually so the breast might shrivel up and fall off I know mine did and it was very hard to get them back most of the time I don’t have breasts at all it’s helpful that way I can see all the way down to a place I am local a place that says it’s a girl exclamation point a place I call el-oh-vee-ee back when I weighed seventy pounds I read somewhere that if I started weighing a little less then that place might shrivel up and fall off too that place is called a cunt actually if you’re okay with things like that but whatever word you write down there in pink on darker pink the truth is that it did not bother me too much to think about it falling off when I weighed seventy pounds I don’t think I thought too much about becoming a very pretty woman maybe that was the point I guess so but certainly there’s no point in smoking that shit if certainly there’s no nicotine oh well I bet Olivia smokes certainly all the Irish smoke but certainly I might be wrong about that I might sound like a Valley Girl like a coastal elite like a Lesbian certainly I do not sound like a linguistics major they know better I bet Olivia has an oral fixation I don’t know why I keep betting on her when she is not a very pretty woman I like to bet on what I’m looking for how’d you get to weigh seventy pounds Minerva oh actually I did something like ess-tee-ay-are-vee-ee actually I did something like almost dee-eye-ee actually that was one thing I did with no el-oh-vee-ee in my heart I thought I only did things with Love in my heart I might be wrong about that actually lately I have been wrong about that oh well sometimes I’m wrong about things and what also happens sometimes is I say canigetaLighter sixty-nine cents to the very first very pretty woman I see but it comes out all wrong it comes out too anorexic it comes out shriveling up and falling off it makes sounds like gee-are-ee-tee-zee and dee-eye-ee and ee-dee those are sounds that remind me of cities like Pittsburgh to which I am local along with all the Lesbian linguistics majors along with all the teachers actually along with all the girls exclamation point but I am local only when I do things with el-oh-vee-ee in my heart I think I have some Love in my heart but I might be wrong about that so Olivia I’m going to email this to you and find out fuck you yes maybe yes I will yes I might say something like hello Olivia big fan.