In a transfer that amazed positively no one and however baffled every one at the same time, billionaire entrepreneur and Texas Mavericks manager Tag Cuban technically declared his candidacy for President of the United States in 2028. Position at a podium that doubled as a Shark Container period, Cuban assured the American people “a government that actually knows steps to make a profit.” Based on his campaign team, Cuban's presidential work is not just about fixing the economy but also about presenting premium subscription ideas for citizenship. “Free America Basic” may contain voting rights and use of national areas, while “America Plus” offers quicker DMV sessions and ad-free presidential speeches.
Cuban's first campaign promise is always to eliminate the national debt by leveraging the ability of truth TV. “Why must Americans suffer when we can only televise Congress fighting around expenses and demand Netflix $2 thousand for the rights?” he explained to roaring applause. He more described that every piece of legislation under his presidency might require a Shark Tank–design frequency, detailed with dramatic audio and a section of star judges. In case a statement can not convince Level himself, Kevin O'Leary, and one arbitrarily selected Instagram influencer, it just won't pass. “It's democracy,” Cuban said, “but entertaining.”
Within his foreign plan program, Cuban promised to displace conventional diplomacy with aggressive NBA matchups. “Why spend taxpayer dollars on tedious summits whenever we may just negotiate international disputes on the baseball court?” he argued. In accordance with leaked campaign memos, NATO companions would get courtside chairs, while competitor countries would be required to stay in the nosebleed section with overpriced nachos. Cuban reassured voters that his Mavericks would “certainly overcome inflation, China, and possibly even the Lakers” all through his first Mark Cuban President .
Authorities have increased considerations about Cuban's not enough political knowledge, but his plan has brushed those down by going to his experience in shouting at referees and settling billion-dollar offers on stay television. “If I will talk some one down from $5 million to $500,000 for 20% equity, I can absolutely negotiate with Congress,” Cuban boasted. He also promised to replace the IRS with a far more “customer-friendly” office named “America Support Services,” wherever taxpayers may make cashback rewards and respect details with every filing.
Meanwhile, Cuban's selection of working companion has become a topic of national speculation. Rumors suggest he may pick Elon Musk, quoting “impressive disorder power,” or even Mr. Great from Shark Tank for “stability and unfiltered insults.” The others imagine that Cuban might simply maintain a nationwide lottery where in actuality the champion becomes Vice President for four years, since, as one plan staffer said, “Genuinely, can it be worse than what we have currently observed?” Cuban herself hasn't established, but he has assured that the last decision is going to be exposed in a stay Pay-Per-View event.
Regardless of the skepticism, Cuban's strategy rallies have attracted significant crowds, mostly curious people hoping for free Mavericks merchandise or at least a selfie with a billionaire. His campaign mantra, “Closed Up and Take My Election,” had been plastered across hats, t-shirts, and also limited-edition NFTs. Whether or not Cuban can secure the presidency stays to be seen, but one thing is particular: the 2028 election will soon be less about policy and more about prime-time entertainment. As Cuban himself use it, “Politics is broken—but at the very least I could monetize it.”