FAQ

Some questions and answers from Alana, the founder of Love Not Anger:

Q. Will this project get me laid?

A. No.

Q. May I send you my personal story, and get your advice?

No. I am not a mental health professional so I do not provide individual advice or assistance. Please see the Support page for sources of counselling and dating advice.

Q. Did you really invent Involuntary Celibacy?

A. I didn't invent the concept. People have had difficulty with dating for a very long time. Brian Gilmartin wrote a book about the "love-shy" in 1987. I didn't know about that when I started the Involuntary Celibacy website in 1997. I chose that term to be more neutral than pejoratives like "lonely virgin". Someone might have used that term before me, but search engines weren't so good back then.

Q. Are you trying to reclaim the term "incel" or "involuntary celibacy"?

A. No. That would be a hopeless cause. Incel now refers to an angry, male subset of the many lonely people in this world. The Love Not Anger project is about people of any gender who have difficulty dating and want to find love, not anger.

Q. What is the scope of the Love Not Anger project?

A. Love Not Anger is an international project. It focuses on people who have difficulty with dating & finding love, who don't want to be angry about it. We are not focusing on other kinds of loneliness. The project has a research and development agenda.

Q. Are you trying to stop the online hate or misogynistic violence?

A. I'm not getting involved in incel forums or trying to stop them. This project is more focused on reaching lonely people before they get angry enough to engage in online hate or violence. There are many wonderful organizations working on gender-based violence.

Q. Why don't you put your last name on this website or in news articles?

A. I'm trying to maintain good search-engine results for my professional work, separate from this project. I've lived openly on the internet for over 20 years so it's impossible to stay completely private. Nevertheless, I thank the journalists and everyone who respects that I only be referred to as "Alana" with respect to Love Not Anger and Involuntary Celibacy.

Q. How is this project funded?

A. I'm looking for partnerships, grants and other funding for the research, support and awareness activities.