Crash Bandicoot is an orange bandicoot, He is an anthropomorphic eastern barred bandicoot living in the Wumpa Islands alongside his younger sister and a fucking talking mask. He is currently the ruler of N. Sanity Island and president of Sony, he was also formerly the president of Universal before he was replaced by Gru, and is also a part-time lawyer with his friend Breckin Meyer. In 1999, the cops raided N. Sanity Island and found his sister Coco dead, this scheme wasn’t done by his enemy Cortex, but evil tyrant warlord Spyro to end Crash’s career.

Childhood

Crash was born on July 7, 1979 in a radioactive mango grove after a thunderstorm collided with a burrito truck. Raised by wild wombats and mentored by a disgraced Australian TV chef, young Crash showed signs of greatness early on—mainly by spinning uncontrollably and destroying everything in his path, including three kindergartens, a tax office, and the last known copy of Shrek 5: Swamp Justice. His real name was John, but Crash eventually just became his name everyone called him, with Crash even replacing John as his legal name.

At age 6, he was kidnapped by the nefarious Dr. Neo Cortex, who gave him extreme physical enhancements and a questionable haircut. Instead of becoming Cortex’s loyal minion, Crash escaped by breakdancing off a lab table and crash-landing into a vat of expired Wumpa juice. From that day on, he vowed to stop Cortex and consume as many Wumpa fruits as legally possible.

Adulthood

10/10 attacks

As an adult, Crash became a full-time drug addict, part-time ninja, and occasional podcast guest. With Aku Aku—the ancient mask who may or may not be wanted in four dimensions—by his side, Crash defended N. Sanity Island from invaders, robots, and tax collectors.

In 2006, Crash became the youngest-ever president of Sony by beating Kaz Hirai in a Mario Kart 64 deathmatch. He led Sony through the PS3 era with only one rule: “No loading screens longer than my attention span.”

Despite his fame, Crash still finds time to practice law alongside Breckin Meyer, defending clients like Gex, Earthworm Jim, and Toad in high-profile trials. The tragedy of 10/10 remains a dark chapter in his life. Though Spyro was never convicted, rumors persist that he framed Cortex to start the Console Wars 2.0.

Crash now resides in a mango-fueled hover mansion atop Mt. Insanity, occasionally spinning into his neighbors' yards to remind everyone he’s still that guy.