Schumer: "I've always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don't say anything for shock value."

Schumer: "I think you can go from being not very funny to working really hard for 10 years and figuring out how to make a living on the road, but I don't think you can rise much above that."

Schumer: "I am very into making up my own rules."

Schumer: "Being introverted, it doesn't mean necessarily being shy or being afraid of public speaking; it just means that it's hard for me to interact with people for too long."

Schumer: "I'm efficient. I've always been that way."

Schumer: “If you’re a true Introvert, other people are basically energy vampires. You don’t hate them; you just have to be strategic about when you expose yourself to them—like the sun.”

Schumer: "My regimen is I wake up, usually around 8:30, brush my teeth, and splash water on my face."

Schumer: "I think standup is pretty good for an introvert because you are performing, but, I mean, it's on your own terms. There are so many people in the room, but it's a one-sided conversation. And you actually don't have to interact - unless you want to."

Schumer: "I like people who are predictable."

Schumer: "I just have this sense of entitlement that I should be able to feel comfortable at all times, like I could go to bed at any moment in what I'm wearing."

Schumer: "Happiness can't start with external stuff, whether that's money or success or your body."

Schumer: "A big part of becoming a funny person was a major defense mechanism. Onstage, especially as a woman, I've had to be really tough. The second you show a crack, the audience can literally leave."

Schumer: “The best advice my mother gave me was to ‘be a lady.’ But I never really knew what that meant, and obviously didn’t take to it.”

Schumer: "I tend to eat pretty healthy, though, and I work out - I work out hard."

Schumer: "I have a healthy relationship with food. My problem is, as a comic, I eat dinner late. But I'll have a smoothie for breakfast every morning, and I keep it pretty low-carb and healthy during the day. At night, I'll have a basic protein, quinoa, and vegetables."

Schumer: "It's not hard for me to be funny. But it's really hard. I don't think a lot of people are funny. I meet a lot of people, and most of them aren't funny."

Schumer: "It's really hard for a lot of men to have the woman accomplishing more than them."

Schumer: "I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It's not true. I'm right where I should be."

Schumer: "I was always like that, at 5 years old, just demanding equality. I thought it could all be fixed if you called attention to it."

Schumer: "I think of myself as a fairly attractive girl and always have, thanks to my mom. I was brought into this world thinking I was gorgeous because my mother was extremely devoted to this notion."

Schumer: "My background is in theater. I was a theater major in college."

Schumer: "I want people to live to their full potential, not to hold themselves back because of insecurities, and especially not women. I see too much of that."

Schumer: “The difference between sex and love is I’ve never come from love.”

Schumer: "I love standing at a microphone and making a room of people laugh. That's the part of the work I love; everything else is extraneous."

Schumer: "I really am a chick from Long Island who's just learning along with everyone."