Coolidge: "I've made a career of taking roles that other actresses didn't want."

Coolidge: "When you're an actress, there are only a few times you can really get paid. One of them is doing a sequel. They can't fake you or hire another actor to play you."

Coolidge: "I'm kind of harsher than most people."

Coolidge: "I wasn't very good in my serious acting class. Sometimes people took our class so seriously, so I used to, sort of, make fun of people after class. And so a friend of mine said, 'Why don't you do the comedy thing.' That's how it all worked out."

Coolidge: "It ends up being a terrible movie if you try and please everyone."

Coolidge: "There's something about me that suggests I don't have an intelligent atom in me at all. So people say things to me that they wouldn't say to other people. Insulting, condescending things. They don't think I notice. But, of course, I'm taking it all in."

Coolidge: "I wasn't funny. My brother was the funny one in the family."

Coolidge: "The one thing that has helped sustain my career as an actress and a comedian is that people generally view me as fundamentally stupid."

Coolidge: "Physically, no one would ever consider me for the serial-killer lady."

Coolidge: "I don't know what I am. I guess you can call me a character actor in the sense that I'll never be an ingenue. You know, that's over. My shot was missed. I take a normal person and make them more of a character. I don't know what that would be called."

Coolidge: "Unless you write your own movies... you can't really say what you want to say."

Coolidge: "Our secret desire as women is to have a guy who falls madly in love with us even though we're incredibly opinionated or we're not the sort of normal, polite, poised woman."

Coolidge: "There is something about a phony that creeps me out so much."

Coolidge: "No one purposefully paints a bad painting. It's someone who's trying to do a good painting, but it's terrible. I have one with a matador, and the bull is going through the blanket. You can tell the painter didn't know how to paint it."

Coolidge: "When I go on 'The View,' or any of those talk shows, you really don't get to say what you want to say."

Coolidge: "Girls are supposed to be feminine and demure. Comedy isn't about that, so you just have to unlearn it. Certain women are so pretty, they can't go weird enough to be funny. You have to be willing to be ugly. I'm lucky my face can look so hideous."

Coolidge: "A lot of those good-looking girl parts aren't very fun."

Coolidge: "A man's ability to haggle is never a turn-on. The only thing less romantic than how much you paid is how much you saved. The last thing we want to hear is how you talked the jeweler down on our new earrings."

Coolidge: "There are some people who make you feel less lonely."

Coolidge: "When it's going well, stand-up is the best thing in the world, but when it's not, it feels like all your toes are being pulled off one by one."

Coolidge: "I don't think men really fall in love with the outspoken girl."

Coolidge: "I do shows, stage shows all the time, and I'm so afraid that people are going to recognize themselves, and they never do. They never do. They're always like, 'Oh, that woman was ridiculous,' and yeah, they're talking about themselves."

Coolidge: "Dating is... weird."

Coolidge: "I've played a lot of weird women. I play crazy ladies, and I've played a lot of insane women and weird best friends that are not sexually desirable."

Coolidge: "I always find the most depressing stuff most interesting."

Coolidge: "I always date younger men. For some reason that's just the way it's gone, because younger guys have always asked me out and I accept."

Coolidge: "It's a great compliment when the beautiful ones laugh."

Coolidge: "Hair extensions and wigs are not the same thing. Wigs are for old ladies and drag queens. Extensions are for women who want longer hair. To be safe, never bring it up if you think a woman is wearing either. No good comes of it."

Coolidge: "I have been able to sniff out a phony."