Lakewood Lore

Classic axioms smooth troubled waters with a smile

Living long may not have unlocked the profound secrets of life for Lakewood oldsters, but it has uncovered great truths, of which some are more tongue in cheek than great.

Kenneth F. Fouts, 66, a railroad union retiree of Edwards Avenue, contends that “Regularity is better than popularity.”

A favorite of Alton Yarian, 82, of Parkwood Road, a former science teacher at Lakewood High School, is “An attitude of gratitude is a never-ending prayer.”

Minister Emeritus Robert S. Winegarner, 75, of Elbur Avenue, points to "No suffering, no crown, and two Biblical offerings from Proverbs: "A soft answer turneth aside wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" and "Pride goeth before destruction and a haughty spirit befor a fall."

He also believes everyone should have a little land to take care of.

Once upon a time there was a local radio comedy show called "Gene and Glenn," which featured Jake and Lena. Its signature song went like this,"Hello, hello, hello -- what a wonderful word, hello..."

Lakewoodite Harold F. Gilbert, 75, president of Gilbert Publishing Co. on Detroit at Summit, subscribes to that: “If you say hello to someone you pass, you might very well make his day.”

Mitchell Darling, 78, an insurance underwriter who lives in Lakewood’s Waverly House, said he has learned “It’s hard by the yard, but a cinch by the inch,” and that “All virtue is without virtue, unless it is linked with moderation.”

A random survey of senior citizens at the Lakewood Office on Aging, Barton Center and other local meeting halls also disclosed these additional jewels:

“Promises are like crying babies in church. They should be carried out immediately.”

“The world is not as interested in the storms you encounter, as in whether you brought in the ship.”

“Dust accumulates,” which is certainly a truth, but then our jokester interviewee interjected, “I’m not saying our house needs dusting, but all the ants are gray.”

“Obesity is widespread.”

“A sunny day is a good time to buy an umbrella.”

“A friend is a person whose faults you overlook.”

“If you want to forget your troubles, wear a pair of tight shoes.”

“A trusting person is one who buys mixed nuts in a can.”

“If everyone stuck to his talents, the cows would be well tended.”

“In an underdeveloped country, don’t drink the water; in a developed one, don’t breathe the air.”

One of our retirees cited a truth from author William Saroyan, who said, “The greatest happiness you can have is knowing that you do not necessarily require happiness.”

“Temper is what gets most of us into trouble; pride is what keeps us there.”

“If you plan to play the stock market, it’s not the bulls and the bears you have to watch out for. It’s the bum steers.”

While Edgar Allan Poe was a poet, not a philosopher, he seems to have been both when he penned, “All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.”

“Often things have to be believed to be seen.”

“Nobody is completely worthless. One can always serve as a bad example.”

“A chip on the shoulder indicates there is wood farther up.”

“A boss is a person who is usually early when you are late, and late when you’re early.”

“The rainy days a man saved for usually come on his vacation.”

“Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.”

Poet Carl Sandburg once remarked that “The past is a bucket of ashes.” That’s true, many of our oldsters concurred, unless, of course, one remembers the glow of the fire.

This article by Dan Chabek appeared in the Lakewood Sun Post June 11, 1992. Reprinted with permission.

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