Vulnerability, Safety, Belonging

My current obsession is the relationships between vulnerability, safety, and belonging. Brene Brown and others have convinced me, through their research, that these ideas form a virtuous cycle and result in culture that gets better and better and will have an enormous effect on community health. When people are vulnerable in front of others, they earn immediate trust and help others feel safe. When people feel safe, they respond by getting vulnerable themselves, and bonds form. When enough bonds form, people feel like they belong to the group and the group gains its own identity. When people are invited to belong, they let their guard down, get real, and show up as themselves. Belonging is the opposite of fitting in.

In a school, we can fertilize these ideas, practice them, and create situations where people get out of their comfort zones, be vulnerable together, bond, and create safe spaces to have honest conversations.

I've seen educators be vulnerable by:

• laughing at themselves

• admitting mistakes earnestly

• apologizing

• listening to others without pushing an agenda

• doing things together where nobody is an expert (rafting, dancing, singing, drumming, sailing, capoeira, improv, roadtrips, cooking and eating)

• telling their truth, exposing their weaknesses

• allowing others to be the expert

I've seen educators create safe spaces through:

• clear norms

• speaking honestly with people

• giving people voice at many levels of decision making

• listening to students and designing solutions around their needs

• recognizing when harm has been done and repairing it (and relationships)

Shame is the enemy of culture and must be uprooted wherever possible. Skilled people must recognize shame, root it out, and eliminate it without using shame themselves, and teach others along the way. Sometimes shame looks like:

• laughing at people

• calling people out in front of others in unsafe environments

• singling people out

• laughing at mistakes