The Cycle We Can’t Unsee
By Krystena LuCastro · Originally published on Medium Jun 5, 2025
We often talk about generational trauma like it’s just something that happened.
But what we rarely say out loud is how often it continues – quietly – because no one healed, no one apologized, and no one knew how to name it.
“Hurt adults who hurt children turn into hurt adults who hurt children.”
When I first said that, I felt the ache of its truth. The loop of it. The warning in it.
The reality that unless someone chooses differently, pain doesn’t end – it just changes clothes.
And the most dangerous kind of pain is the kind we normalize.
The kind we call “discipline.”
The kind we blame on culture or circumstance.
The kind we excuse with, “They did the best they could,” or “That’s just how they were raised.”
Yes, they probably did their best.
But that doesn’t mean you have to do the same.
You can pause the cycle.
You can name what wasn’t right.
You can parent, love, or lead with awareness instead of avoidance.
You can be the one who chooses to heal, instead of pass it on.
Don’t get me wrong – it’s not easy to try something you’ve never seen or done before.
But when you know better and actually do better,
it is oh so rewarding.
Maybe you’re not a parent yet. Maybe you never will be.
But if you’ve ever been responsible for someone else’s well-being –
for someone else’s heart, even your own – this message is yours, too.
We are not bound to repeat what we survived.
We are allowed to become new.
To create new, resilient, whole cycles of love and care.
(📖 Read my piece “Not All Chains Are Meant to Be Broken” for more on this: medium.com/@krystenalucastro/not-all-chains-are-meant-to-be-broken)
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🪞Reflection Prompt:
What patterns were passed down to you that you no longer wish to carry forward?
What’s one gentle way you’re already breaking the cycle?
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🎙️ Author Commercial Break:
I write to reflect, reframe, and offer language for the things we feel but rarely say aloud.
If this resonated, there’s more where this came from.
Follow me for real talk, raw truths, ways to begin again and have conversation.
📍 www.krystenalucastro.com | IG: @klucastro
Read the published version on Medium