EQUAL BUT DIFFERENT

Both egalitarians and complementarians believe that men and women, having been made in the image of God, are equal in dignity and worth. Both believe also that men and women are different and that the differences between them are part of God's design. However egalitarians believe that men and women are equal not only in terms of their dignity and worth but also in terms of their authority and right to rule. Egalitarians do not deny that men and women are different but argue that this does not imply any form of hierarchy of one over the other.

We will now briefly explore some practical implications of the belief that men and women are 'equal but different' from an egalitarian point of view. What might it look like in practice for churches to adopt a more egalitarian position?

Promoting Equality

If gender equality, as we have argued, is the creation ideal, then we will want to ensure that our practice as Christians in church, at home and in society affirms this. Wherever there is gender inequality we will want to root it out as an offence to our Creator, as a hindrance to the development of healthy relationships between the sexes and as a stumbling block to the gospel. In the body of Christ we will want to ensure that the gifts of all are recognised and that equal opportunities are given to all, irrespective of gender, to grow and to flourish in the use of their gifts. This includes allowing women to serve alongside men at every level of leadership.

We will also want to promote gender equality in marriage rather than the hierarchy of one gender over the other. According to Dennis J Preato:

'Churches have ample reasons to encourage marriages based on equality. These marriages benefit all family members and the body of Christ. Promoting healthy relationships and eliminating unhealthy attitudes about marriage should be a top priority. 

'Extensive studies and research have been performed by marriage and family professionals, sociologists, and demographers.  Over the last 50 years these studies reveal that significant numbers of egalitarian marriages are happy in comparison to traditional hierarchical marriages. A recent study quantified these results revealing that over 80% of egalitarian marriages are happy while less than 20% of traditional marriages can say the same. That represents over a 4:1 ratio in favor of egalitarian marriages. Spousal abuse continues to be more than 300 percent higher in traditional marriages than in egalitarian marriages.

'These research studies accomplish the following: First, they effectively discredit any traditionalists’ notion that dismantling hierarchy destabilises marriage and that the root problem in marriage is the unwillingness of each spouse to accept the role for which he or she was designed. Second, they prove that hierarchy actually destabilises and harms marriages. Third, they provide objective data that egalitarian marriages produce the healthiest, happiest, most intimate, and stable of all marriage relationships with the least amount of spousal abuse.'1

Celebrating Diversity

At the same time, recognising that there are differences between the sexes and that these are part of God's design for humanity, we will want to ensure that they are rightly understood, celebrated and affirmed. 

Equality does not men sameness. We do not acheive equality by squeezing everyone into the same mold. Unity is not the same as uniformity. We are equal but we are different; we are diverse, but we are one. Instead of playing down the differences there are between us - on the basis of race, educational ability and social background as well as of gender - but rather celebrate and affirm them as part of the rich tapestry that makes up the Christian community. 

The Bible makes it clear that people of all races, classes and genders are equally valued and accepted by God on the basis of faith in Jesus Christ. No race, class or gender has an advantage over the other when it comes to God's favour or the right to be in His presence and we will want this to be reflected when we come together in worship. The rich diversity that exists among us will be on full display. No one needs to dress or behave as if they belonged to a different race, class or gender in order to be accepted. All are welcomed and free to participate as they are. 

When it comes to gender, we will want to maintain the distinctions that exist between us in our culture in the way that we dress or wear our hair in order to show that all are equally valued and accepted by God. We will also want to ensure that both genders are equally represented among those taking part 'up front' or serving in any capacity behind the scenes in order to show that God makes no distinction between the genders in the distribution of His gifts and welcomes the active participation of all in the life and witness of the church. Opportunities for service will be equally open to all on the basis of their gifts and we will want to honour both genders equally as we hear their stories of faith and celebrate all that the Lord has done in them and through them. 

Anyone who joins us for our worship services should be able to see both the essential unity and the rich diversity that exists among us. This unity-in-diversity is an important and powerful testimony to the saving work of Christ among us in a world characterised by disunity and division. 

In the last chapter we saw that while the Bible affirms that men and women are different, it has nothing prescriptive to say about what it means to be either male or female. There are differences on average but there are no stereotypes to which every man or woman must conform. Each of us is free to be the unique person that God has made us to be. For this reason we will avoid making assumptions of anyone based on their gender and instead get to know each person individually and allow them the freedom to be the person God made them to be. 

We also saw that the Bible does not assign different roles to each gender and nor are the gifts of the Spirit assigned on the basis of gender. In the light of this, much caution is needed when it comes to assigning roles based on a person's gender. While there are some roles that may generally be more suited to one sex or the other, we must avoid being too rigid about defining which roles are for men and which are for women. We must not make any presumptions. Men must be free to play a maternal role as Paul did (Galatians 4: 19; 1 Thessalonians 2: 7-8) and women must be free to act as warriors like Deborah. (Judges 4–5). 

It is not so much their gender but their unique gifts and calling that ought to determine what role anyone plays in church life. No one should be excluded from any role on the basis of their gender; and neither should anyone be invited to take up a role on the basis of their gender alone - unless of course the role specifically requires it. Normally, when looking for someone to fill a particular role we should look for the person most suited to fill it, regardless of their gender. We need to look past the stereotypes and consider each person's actual strengths, personality and gifts. It might look good, for example, to have an equal balance of men and women on the leadership team but more important than this is that between them the team have the full range of strengths and gifts needed to do the job. 

Modeling Complementarity

Egalitarians agree that men and women are designed to be complementary but do not believe this implies any hierarchy of one over the other. Rather, they believe that the complementarity of the sexes is intended to be expressed in shared leadership and if this is so we will want to demonstrate the genius of our Creator by modeling this - especially in the church and in the home.

With regard to parenting, the Bible itself acknowledges that there are some roles that are more suited to fathers and some that are more suited to mothers. In the Bible, God is said to act both like a father (e.g. Psalm 103: 13-14; Hebrews 12: 6; Matthew 7: 11) and like a mother (e.g. Psalm 131: 2; Isaiah 49: 15, 66: 13) towards His people. Jesus, although a man, is recorded on one occasion as acting like a mother (Matthew 23: 37 and Luke 13: 34) towards the people of Jerusalem. In 1 Thessalonians 2, Paul speaks of acting both like a mother (verses 7-8) and like a father (verses 11-12) towards the believers in Thessalonica during the time he spent with them. These references show that in an ideal family the roles of men and women in raising their children are distinct and that both are needed. It seems to me that the same is true in the church where both father figures and mother figures are needed to care for and make disciples of those younger in the faith.

The fact that the sexes are designed to be complementary suggests that each has its particular strengths and weaknesses and that the weaknesses of one are compensated by the strengths of the other. This is what enables us to accept ourselves as we are and at the same time celebrate and affirm members of the opposite sex for what they are. Neither sex is superior; each needs the other. And this is no more so than in church leadership. The Forsters write: 

'Many women bring warmth, accessibility and pastoral sensitivity to their leadership role and tend to be team players. If they also have the masculine strengths of vision, initiative, discipline and drive, they make outstanding leaders. Similarly, men who have added to their masculine strengths the feminine qualities of compassion, sensitivity and relational accessibility, become admirable leaders. The more 'balanced' we are, the more we overcome the weaknesses of our masculinity and femininity, the more we will fulfill the creation mandate to exercise leadership as male and female together.'2

As the people of God we need to model healthy relationships between the sexes showing how God intends men and women to relate to each other - as equal partners, each dependent on and fully committed to the other. This is an important part of our witness, pointing to the reality of the Kingdom of God among us and offering genuine hope to others in a world of broken and dysfunctional relationships.

In his excellent book, Holding Up Half The Sky, Graham Hill argues that 'the Bible teaches equality, mutual submission, complementarity without hierarchy, and the full participation of women and men in all areas of service and leadership in the church.'3 He then devotes an entire section to what this might look like in practice. Following on from this, in an appendix, Lynn H Cohick writes: 'If we implemented Hill’s vision, what might the church look like in a decade or two? Overall, the church would be better aligned with the values of God’s kingdom. I suggest at least three areas where a church that followed Hill’s prescriptions would influence our needy world that is starving for the good news of the gospel. The local church would model best practices for women in the workplace and family, would highlight the beauty of God’s creation including humans as male and female, and would offer a better vision for masculinity that embraces Jesus’s own example.'4

Of course we also need to be realistic. While we are all one in Christ, we still live in a fallen world in which none of us is yet perfect. This means that from time to time there will be tensions and difficulties in our relationships and we need to be ready to model how to handle all such conflict with humility, patience, grace and forgiveness. It also means that all of us, even in the community of faith, have areas in which we are vulnerable to temptation and for this reason there are safeguards that need to be put in place and we must not be naive about this. 

Rejecting Patriarchy

For too long, as we have argued, the church has simply mirrored and adopted the patriarchal attitudes and values that have existed in society. The challenge for us now is to reject these attitudes and values and to demonstrate instead those that should properly characterise the radically new community that God has created in Christ. Graham Hill says that in order for this to happen 'we need men and boys to reject toxic forms of masculinity and ideas about manhood, and to embrace a new way: the way of humility, love, integrity, mutuality, honor, transparency and respect. Those of us who follow Jesus Christ call this discipleship.'4

Speaking into a church context, Michael Bird says that 'to become a post-patriarchal community of faith, we must ensure that churches are not a boys club where the arrogant and abusive are protected by a praetorian guard of  malevolent masculinity. Instead, churches should be communities where men and women enjoy the equality and mutuality given in the gospel (Galatians 3: 28; Colossians 3: 11; 1 Corinthians 7: 4; Ephesians  5: 21)'.5 This means:

• Churches where there is accountability and transparency in leadership.

• Churches in which leadership involves both men and women.

• Churches where men and women partner together in pursuing the goal of Christ-likeness in each other.

• Churches where male and female role models are equally celebrated and valued.

• Churches where there is no stereotyping, where spiritual gifts do not come in pink or blue, where men are free to be strong, creative and empathetic and women are free to be nurturers, defenders and leaders.

• Churches where women feel safe, seen, respected and valued.

He then goes on to say: 'For men, post-patriarchy is not an exercise in self-hatred or metaphorical emasculation. Masculinity, maleness, manhood, or whatever you want to call it, is not a bad thing to be cured by androgyne metamorphosis. No, God created us male, and it was good, but our maleness is fallen and vulnerable to multiple perversions so we need it to be redeemed and transformed, rather than eradicated. We need to pursue – just like our sisters in the faith do – conformity to the image of the Son (Romans 8: 28).'5 And, as noted earlier, Jesus has left us in the way He spoke to and related to women the perfect example to follow.

'To be a good church, we need good men. That begins with tearing down the idols of patriarchy and pursuing instead a Christoformed version of ourselves as men. A church where men want to give their parents, peers, friends, sons and daughters an example of masculinity that is pro-women in every sense. A church where the men try to imitate Jesus rather than James Bond, John Wayne or James Dobson.'5

Embracing Servanthood

Graham Hill goes on to say that in order to model the attitudes and values that should properly characterise the Christian community, we also need to recognise that 'Christian ministry is about love and service - not power and hierarchy. Jesus calls us to reject leadership that is characterized by 'exercising authority over others' (Matthew 20: 25–28). The ministry that pleases and honors God is ministry carried out in a spirit of humility and service and giving ourselves completely for the interests and well-being of others.'4

'Jesus drives us from control to service, from competition to love, from a scarcity mind-set to a generous spirit, from pride to humility, from ambition to self-denial, from drivenness to servanthood, from ego strength to interdependent vigor, and from identification with the powerful to service of the poor and marginalised.

'God calls men and women to a lifestyle of sacrifice, humility, service and love. Together, we reject hierarchy, patriarchy, power and control. Instead, we seek after Spirit-empowered grace, relationships of depth and genuine humility. We seek to serve and lead together in equal and mutual partnerships. In this way we enrich each other’s ministries. We are servants, together. We serve each other, our Lord Jesus, His church and His world. And we do this through our shared commitment to Biblical equality and to mutual submission.'4

Notes

1. https://godswordtowomen.org/Preato3.htm

2. Women In The Kingdom by Roger and Faith Forster

3. https://www.genesisapologetics.com/gender

4. Holding Up Half The Sky by Graham Joseph Hill

5. https://www.michaelfbird.substack.com/p/the-case-for-post-patriarchal-manhood