“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”

― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

The definition of failure varies from person to person. Some may say that failure is not winning a game in your chosen sports or not passing in your dream school. It ranges from little things to big matters in life that can affect us one way or another. It depends on how people see failure in their own lenses.

Growing up in an asian household I was pressured to be good in everything that I do. That failing should be out of the picture. From academics to sports, I always try my best to excel. Later on, I realized that I was not afraid of failure anymore, I was more afraid of not living up to my parent’s expectations of me. I was afraid to disappoint them. I feared criticism. Because of that I never go out of my comfort zone. The pressure is killing me and guess what? The pressure got into me that I ended up losing all the motivation I had. Mediocrity became my best friend.

When I got to college and failed my first ever final exam in a major subject, disappointment washed through my system. I started to doubt myself, maybe I didn’t study enough or the course that I took wasn’t really for me. But I decided to have a change of perspective, I chose to see failure differently. Instead of taking failure as a negative thing, I made it my driving force to do better. I focus on knowing where I went wrong instead of weeping, and I studied hard so that I’ll pass the second time I take that exam. And things worked out well for me. I passed all my exams and survived my first year in college. And it was all because I used my failure to my advantage. Sometimes, all you need to do is have a change of perspective.

Now, let's see what failure looks like from the perspective of the 15-year-old, Deborah Ugo-Omenukwa from New York. She is the founder and Director of Just Ask A Teen (JAAT). According to her, the idea of making an advice page started when she spearheaded an advice column for her school’s newspaper, MVA Times and it had such a good response. She wanted to bring it to the rest of the world, hence, the birth of JAAT. Her ultimate goal is to help teens find a community that can give them advice in these isolating & unprecedented times. Get to know more about Deborah and her thoughts about failure.

What is failure for you?

• Failure to me is not being able to bring something to fruition. Not being able to complete something better than most people, being average. Failure is low grades, rejection, and low productivity.

How do you handle failure?

• I handle failure by ignoring it & moving forward to the next best thing. I also try to fix it by trying to alter the results, like getting extra credits, etc.

Have you ever thought of not doing something you like/love just because the fear of failure overpowered you?

• No, I always pursued my dreams. My love for my hobbies & interest overpower any fear I have.

Out of all the failures you experienced, which among those do you consider as life-changing that shaped you to who you are now? And what did you do about it?

• I didn't pass the SHSAT, and didn't go to a specialized school like my parents had hoped. I took the test twice and still failed. After the first time my mom paid for me to review my answers & then I studied more. I took it again and still failed. Me failing the SHSAT allowed me to go to MVA, a public high school, and I wouldn't have founded or joined the clubs I did. I wouldn't have met the friends or made the connections if I hadn't gone to the school I'm going to now.

What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?

• I would invest in business, stocks, etc. LOL. I'll also take tests & quizzes with any failing.

How do you define success?

• Success is being the best of the best. Being able to do things better than the average person. I equate it to high grades, acceptance, and high productivity.

What advice would you give to those people who are afraid of doing something because the fear of failure is stopping them?

• That if you don't do something because of fear, you would constantly live in regret & what if’s. So just go after it, it's better to do something & fail, then not doing something. I would also say don't have a failure mindset, you can do really well and/or get accepted so don't go through something with a negative mindset.

If there is someone out there who also wants to start a community like JAAT. What advice would you give them? How would you inspire them?

• To try to be yourself, to do research & find out what your target audience needs and wants. Find 1-2 friends to help you with all the startup tasks. I will inspire them with various student orgs, including Just Ask A Teen.

So you see, failure really has different definitions depending on a person’s perspective. But one thing I want to remind you is that failing doesn’t equate to being unsuccessful. All of us have been through a lot. We made a lot of decisions in our life that led us to where we are now. We made a lot of mistakes, we went through a lot of failures but the most important thing despite all those is that you learned. Learning from experience is the best teachings we could have.

Do not be afraid of taking risks just because you fear failure. At least’s are better than what if’s. At least you tried doing something out of your comfort zone rather than to continue living with a lot of what if’s. Failure doesn’t define who you are, what defines you is your determination to continue despite failing. Don’t let your fear of failure hold you back from achieving all your goals in life.

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