The family system consists of you, your parents, your (great) grandparents, including everything that made them who they are. Patterns from the system are passed down from your (fore)parents and influence your behaviour and beliefs. When there is imbalance in the system, it can also unconsciously create imbalance in your life. A family constellation allows you to uncover such a pattern and provide insight into how you relate to specific people, situations, and themes. It is precisely this insight that creates space for change.
Before the family constellation begins, the person requesting the constellation clarifies the question/theme for which they would like to have a constellation. The facilitator/coach usually asks a few clarifying questions, after which the constellation is set up. During a family constellation, people or events from the family system are brought into the picture. During an individual consultation, this is done using wooden figures, symbolic objects, floor anchors, or in your mind. During a group workshop, the people/events are represented by the other attendees who are asked to do so, the so-called representatives. Of course, representatives can always decline if asked. These representatives are not the actual family members, and that's not necessary. It's sufficient that the representatives feel and follow the movement of their role in the system, without words, and find a place in the room. Their position, posture, and feelings provide insight into the family system and the hidden patterns.
Under the guidance of the constellation facilitator, the constellation will take shape further. It can be through the movement of the representatives and/or the speaking of (healing) sentences, while there are also constellations that take place in complete silence and with minimal movement. Each system has its own needs and ability to move, and therefore each constellation is logically different. During a constellation workshop, it's very likely that you will be touched by one or more constellations of the others. Such a constellation will set something in motion within you (your system). It doesn't matter whether you were part of it as a representative or simply observed it from the sideline. The constellation then serves as a mirror for your own patterns and may offer you insight. A day with various constellations is always valuable for both those asking questions and those attending as representatives.
Usually, the constellation shows your family of origin or your current family. However, this doesn't have to be the case. The following people and events are part of your system and can be included in a constellation: your current family, your parental family, your entire extended family, including all generations., children who have died, been aborted, or been silenced, as well as half-siblings from all generations, previous partners of your (fore)parents, secrets that are not spoken about, perpetrators and victims, losses for someone else that have benefited you, and country of origin. They have left their mark on you. Disruptions can reverberate for generations, invisibly and unconsciously.
Bert Hellinger, the founder of family constellations, discovered the phenomenon of "entanglement" in many family constellations. It occurs when (grand)children adopt the feelings and behaviour of a family member who has been shut out. For example, the death of their grandfather's brother at the age of two was never spoken about. The family system effectively enlists the (grand)child in an attempt to restore this imbalance. The child is therefore not free to live their own life, but is unaware of it. Consequently, the child can cling to these feelings and behaviours for life. In a family constellation, such entanglement can become visible and balance can be restored, allowing the person to live their own life.
The following behaviours can indicate entanglement: relationships that continually fail, work that is unfulfilling, feelings you have no idea how they came about, as well as depression, guilt, addiction, suicidal tendencies, mental disorders, or illnesses.
Simply put, when you're struggling with something or experiencing a (recurring) problem, a constellation can be helpful by providing insight into hidden dynamics. It helps you sense how you can change. Below are some specific descriptions.
Difficulties in your relationship, or finding/starting a relationship
Difficult/no contact with your parents or children
Worries about your children
Tensions/problems in a blended family
Difficult or no contact with your family
Conflicts within your family
Family members are excluded, shut out
Work is exhausting you
Things aren't going well at work, or it doesn't feel like your place
Conflicts at work
You suffer from stress, fear of failure
You feel misunderstood
You feel like you don't belong
You don't feel connected to the people around you
You are very dependent on someone, or someone on you
You feel lost (in life), you lack a purpose / goal
You keep falling into the same patterns
You can't choose, are stuck in doubt
Fear, anger, guilt
Addiction, depression, suicidal tendencies, eating disorders, compulsive behaviour, autism, ADHD, burnout, hypersensitivity
No control over certain situations
Recurring patterns, such as projects that keep failing, getting sick every time you travel
"Too" behavior, such as limiting insecurity, being overly responsible, being a perfectionist, always being there for others, being aggressive towards others, etc.
Chronic symptoms/illness (for which nothing seems to work) such as intestinal problems, migraines, a hernia, a stiff shoulder, hormone-related problems, etc.
Gut feeling that something is wrong
Rationally strong and want to connect more with your body
Difficulty feeling and/or indicating your boundaries
Your child is stuck, struggling with patterns that are hindering their progress. (As a parent, you can ask a question for your child, while the child doesn't have to be present at the constellation.)
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