xiao xue

"IF I TELL YOU THIS, PLEASE ASK ME WHY"

i.

there’s a man selling

small pouches of lavender on

the corner &

he smiles crooked fences

unpainted

i remember you

when you were still just a girl

ii.

sunflowers melt under moonlight

dark faces

wide open spaces

mama’s fingers for years

smell of charred naan

& smoke

the kind that folded over

grandpa’s eyes

iii.

it’s okay mama

he didn’t want to see this anyways

there are tanks

in the square

& good soldiers don’t go home

& good comrades never leave

safe sons can no longer walk

& i still

wear sunflower dresses

iv.

when you say you want

to be home for me

i worry you do not understand

the stakes

you don’t realize

everything is tinted blue

here

the street light the curtains

your eyes

v.

so forgive me when

i cannot explain to you this

homegrown

smoke

depleting

chili powder & crushed cumin

baijiu & sharp grains

of sand in the sun

a land not ours

but mine

is burning

vi.

& i don’t remember but

ask me anyways

why

those men longing for home

doused themselves

in gasoline

struck a match

& ran