Improving Reconnection with Children
When families go through changes, the element of connection among the family members can get weaker, for instance, if the children start school and you shift to a new neighborhood, you may feel distant from the children due to the overwhelming changes or if you get fewer chances to talk to your children. Likewise, if your children were not used to ride on car with the remote control in the past, they can start going for it after the changes. Similarly, children may feel a little detached from the parents due to less interaction or busy routines.
Seemingly things may look good, however, if one invests time to compare the strength of the bond before the changes and after, cracks can be seen, for instance, children may find new friends and parents can get caught up in work. Moreover, some of the families do not go on vacation to break the routine and additional financial issues can also make the matters worst. As a result, the spirit of discussion and opportunities to sort the issues together gets lost. And if it is not addressed in the long-term, it could cost you a lot. For example, the children can misbehave when they are out of the house or they may neglect aspects they should pay attention to.
Many experts believe that if the parents can get training in terms of adjusting the sensitivity of prioritization when it comes to children, work, and their social life, it can help them to overcome the gaps or improve the connection with the children. The idea is to deal with the unseen situation in a manner which will not compromise the priority list of the parents. For instance, if you know that materialistic things cannot fulfill the needs of the child and if you work really hard or ignore them or do not nurture them to value bonds over other things, it can weaken the family dynamics. This means that parents can take help from the therapist to start caring for them so that the prioritization can be improved and your children will feel connected to you. Of course, asking others for help may not be easy for some, but if you manage to get rid of the internal fear and realize how good it can be to work on the family dynamics, you will not hesitate.
Structure to Provide Security
It is said that children rely on the feelings of security to feel connected to the family members and if you are struggling with it, the sense of security in children can get affected. For instance, children require the assistance of parents in dealing with emotional issues, some of the children may grapple with socializing or multitasking school with family. In other words, the role of structure gains importance here, as it can give the children foundation and emotional stability to respond to the difficult situations.
Coming to the role of the parents, it is imperative that you work on the emotional control and are able to achieve the goals in terms of bringing the family together on various occasions. This may not be easy, but if you implement the rules and traditions in your house in addition to the routine, children can learn to rely on you rather than people outside the home. As a result, the bond can be revitalized. Moreover, your emotional intelligence will guide you to look for a solution which will be understandable and doable for the children. The idea is to make the children comfortable so that they can easily communicate with you.
Parents can find it hard to apologize to the children, however, if you do not show in your action why it is necessary to make an apology, your children may not learn from you. For example, some of the children pay more attention to the actions rather than taking the speech or talk of the parents seriously. Similarly, parents fear that apology can make them a small person, however, if you defeat the strong voice of ego in your head, you will realize how liberating it can be to be the first one to say sorry to children. Additionally, it does not matter if the person you are apologizing to is little or not, the purpose of being the first one to realize the mistake is to show concern and respect for the person.
Moreover, if you don’t think that you are perfect in every aspect of parenting and acknowledge that making mistakes is part of the learning process, you be able to open up to the children in addition to reducing the distance. Moreover, children will get inspired from you and may do the same when they commit a mistake.
Trust is not gained in one day, it is built over years. So, if you children feel that they do not have the freedom to visit a friend or if you keep tabs on them, it may drive them away from you. For example, if your boss follows the same strategy with you at work and you do not feel trusted or valued in the organization, you will lose interest in the work, this same point can be applied when it comes to your family dynamics. This is not to say that there is no place for rules in the house, but if you are authoritarian or overbearing, it will create conflict.
Similarly, if you give space to the children in terms of expression and let them articulate the ideas in their head, it will help you to understand them and if there is a point of divergence between you and the child, it can be resolved. On the other hand, all those parents who try to impose their will on the children, they tend to struggle with maintaining a good level of connection with children, as children feel blocked by the parents. Hence, if your child is angry, let him/her get the negative feelings out of the system so that you can reason with the child later on. To put simply, it can prove healthy for the whole family.
In addition to the point mentioned earlier in the article, parents tend to undermine the value of expressing affection for the child, as it can help to glue all the differences. It is said that love and affection are important in all relationships. However, children to be specific react to the gestures expressing love in a wonderful manner.