Dumb


The main character of this story is just like you, so you are really going to feel a bond with this story. He’s a guy, but even if you’re a chick you’ll still feel connected because he’s a huge imbecile just like you. He’s the kind of guy that reads the beginning of stories and then looks around for other distractions once it starts to insult him. Then he might read a sentence or two more, but only because he feels like he has something to prove to this story. He (and you) is so flakey.


But this story has staying power, and the main character is a perfect fit for what the public conversation has been missing. He’ll be often quoted, and people will design their facial hair to mimic his. They will see themselves in him, but maybe also what they could be if they weren’t such an idiot. Not to say that this main character isn’t stupid, he’s maybe more stupid than we can tell, it’s tough because he’s such an unreliable narrator, and father.

There is one point in the story where he is supposed to build his son’s bed while his son is at school, but he puts it off until later, and then later comes, and he gets caught up in all sorts of other stuff, and what do you know, bedtime comes and his son is sleeping on a half opened cardboard box. Just like your son I bet.


I’ll wager you aren’t a very good parent, or if you aren’t a parent yet, you won’t be.


There are going to be times in this story when the main character does some pretty amazing and seemingly heroic things. When he sucks the poison out of his ex-wife’s snake bite, which was pretty awesome I agree, it was all just being at the right place at the right time. He (and you) is no hero. He had watched that movie where Clint Eastwood does that sucking trick a few days before and he was spying on his ex-wife because he wanted to know if she was sleeping around.


If you haven’t sunk that low before I’m sure someday you will.


OK, now that we’ve scared off those low self-esteem losers let’s talk about the main character for real. He’s actually a pretty stand up guy, I think you will really associate and relate to him. While he starts off as kind of an anti-hero, unable to accept the lot that life has given him, he eventually starts down a path of self discovery, not unlike yourself as you read it. He (and you) will learn amazing things and valuable life lessons that will transform him (and you) from a flaccid grump into a person who is able to handle menial jobs like being a janitor, for up to 4 hours a day. He (and you) is still an idiot.


You really thought you weren’t for a second, but falling for that trick only proves how dumb you are.


Ok, if anyone is still left this is actually quite a good story and I just wanted to scare off anyone who wouldn’t understand. It’s a bildungsroman of sorts, where the main character starts out puerile and dumb, but has some urge, pride or stupidity, that keeps him traversing the harsh world he lives in. There are moments of hope, when he thinks he’s done the right thing, only to find out that chance and luck deserve most of the credit. And like any good story there is a moment of triumph when the main character feels that he has grown and become something better, only to be cut down in his glory to fall back even further than he originally was. And the story could end there, but instead it goes on to explain what happened in the story, with its ebbs and flows. And you might think this is a subpar ending for such a rich and detailed history of this main character, but you’d be wrong, because he (and you) is really really stupid.